Is it okay to charge money for a party?

[amastewa93]

The Super Bowl is approaching and I'll be attending a party. She announced that this year she will be charging a fee and will be also be bringing our own drinks. Obviously, throwing a party is expensive, but what do you all think about this? Is this okay?

[creditcardfree]

No. That is not okay. If she needs assistance with putting the party on then she should ask people to bring things. Or come help set up. I don't have a problem bringing my own drinks personally, because I understand the expense.

Is this a really big gathering that is getting out of hand and people aren't being respectful of the amount of money and food that has been put into her efforts? It seems a reason why someone would do that, but I still think it is wrong because there are other ways to get help with the costs than charging a fee.

[Fishindude77]

What a cheapskate !
I'd find someplace else to go. If you can't afford to throw a party, you shouldn't have one.

[Nutria]

The Super Bowl is approaching and I'll be attending a party. She announced that this year she will be charging a fee.

A mandatory fee (very bad) or a jar for requested donation (very good)?

and will be also be bringing our own drinks

BYOB (normal) or BYO drinks of any type (bad)?

but what do you all think about this? Is this okay?

It's renting some rooms for a few hours. Very, very tacky.

[97guns]

Tacky

[disneysteve]

If she needs assistance with putting the party on then she should ask people to bring things.

To play Devil's Advocate, what's the difference between asking each person to bring something and asking each person to pay a nominal amount?

When we go to our annual Superbowl party that friends throw, everyone brings food. I usually make a batch of guacamole which costs me $12-15 and my wife makes a desert of some sort. If the hosts this year said instead of everyone bringing food, they're going to have it catered and ask us to each pay $10 instead, it would be a lot less work on our part and would cost us the same or less than we spend now.

[Nutria]

If the hosts this year said instead of everyone bringing food, they're going to have it catered and ask us to each pay $10 instead

"Ask" for $10/head to help defray the costs, or "charge"(can't come in without paying)?

There's a substantive difference between the two. Especially since it's a friend's house instead of -- for example -- a back room in a restaurant that someone has decided to rent.

And just imagine how awkward it would be if some couple either didn't get the word, forgot the wallet, or just decided not to pay. Refuse entrance and destroy friendships, or allow them in but piss off the people who had to pony up at the door?

[FLA]

To play Devil's Advocate, what's the difference between asking each person to bring something and asking each person to pay a nominal amount?

When we go to our annual Superbowl party that friends throw, everyone brings food. I usually make a batch of guacamole which costs me $12-15 and my wife makes a desert of some sort. If the hosts this year said instead of everyone bringing food, they're going to have it catered and ask us to each pay $10 instead, it would be a lot less work on our part and would cost us the same or less than we spend now.

If someone presented it to me as "hey, getting it catered this year, you can chip in instead of bringing a dish," I would be much happier to chip in than bring a dish. I don't think amongst good friends this would be considered rude. Makes it more about everyone (including the hostess) being able to relax and enjoy the company rather then running around taking care of everybody.

I could see millennials doing it the way the post reads and they might be fine with that but whatever is charged should include booze at least. IDK, none of my friends would invite me in that manner even if their goal was to get help with paying for food and booze. They would do the first scenario.

[dawnwes]

UGH.

I am all for potluck, bring something, but a fee???? NOPE, tacky.

About 2 years ago my cousin threw a party for another cousin (engagement party). She asked if we wanted to go in on food or do potluck and each of us could do whatever. I opted to just give her $$ as I was busy.

I had no idea it would be $40 per person for the food if we opted to do that. She went to some expensive catering place. Next time, I will bring a cheese ball, homemade, with crackers, $10 tops.

Find a new Super Bowl party.

[disneysteve]

I am all for potluck, bring something, but a fee???? NOPE, tacky.

I'm not necessarily disagreeing. I just find it really interesting that people feel this way.

Bring your own food - Okay.
Come as you are but pay to attend - Tacky.

Why isn't it considered tacky to invite people to your home but tell them they need to bring food? When we have people over, we provide the food. If we couldn't afford to host, we wouldn't invite them. Sometimes guests will show up with a dessert or bottle of wine or something but they do that purely as a gift, not because we told them to.

[BuckyBadger]

I've been on both ends of it and I've yet to see it bother me.

I used to have big superbowl parties and I'd make my famous pulled pork and provide rolls baked beans and cole slaw. Everyone who came either brought an appetizer or a few bucks to defray the costs of what was, to a grad student at the time, a pretty expensive meal. We'd have 20+ people over, and that's a lot of meat required.

I've been to end of season tennis parties at people's houses that were catered and we were asked to bring $5 along for the hostess who ordered the food. Some of these parties were potlucks, but it was always one or the other.

But if I had 2 couples over for a dinner party? Of course I wouldn't ask for them to donate to the kitty.

To me it matters what kind of party this is and who makes up the group of attendees.

A big event for a disparate group of people connected through an activity or a place and held to celebrate an event (like my tennis parties, or having work people over, or I'd say a big superbowl party) it doesn't bother me to be expected/asked to bring a dish or a few dollars. And personally, as someone who doesn't cook, I'd rather bring money that have to make something.

An intimate gathering or something where the host is inviting a carefully curated group of people is a different thing completely.

I'll put it this way - if I send out or am asked to respond to a Doodle poll about my availability, I wouldn't be surprised to be expected to chip in. If I'm invited personally by the hostess and not in a group email, I probably wouldn't expect the same thing.

[amastewa93]

I am looking at it this way as well -- Many places around here charge entrance to watch the game at the bar, etc...Which is why I do not go. I'd rather spend it at a friend's house.

I do see how odd it is to be put off by her asking money but not put off by bringing something though. I think it is because she mentioned "making money" from the party.

[BuckyBadger]

I think it is because she mentioned "making money" from the party.

One would think that if she were planning on making money from this party she would keep it to herself. I find it very strange that she would tell you this.

You clearly don't like this person. I would recommend you not go to her party.

[amastewa93]

You clearly don't like this person. I would recommend you not go to her party.

It really isn't even that I don't like her, it is just the asking for money for a party thing that completely threw me for a loop. She's not done it in previous years. We just brought things. Maybe it was possibly the way she presented it. Who knows...I am thinking of going elsewhere though.

[Nutria]

I'm not necessarily disagreeing. I just find it really interesting that people feel this way.

Bring your own food - Okay.
Come as you are but pay to attend - Tacky.

Except that "pot luck" is not "bring your own food".