Do You Ever Entertain A Friend/Family Member's Bad Financial Decision?

[Singuy]

A friend of my wife's today asked me how I like the Jag my parents bought me for my wedding gift a few years back. Apparently she is already looking into another new car while holding a lease with 2 years left. The car in question is a Jaguar F-pace. She currently lease an Audi Q5.

I looked into the car and thought it's actually priced extremely well, and not to mention it's definitely a looker. So I recommended for her to also look into a Mercedes GLC.

Deep down, she knows and I know that she's wasting money. 5 Years ago when she got the Q5 lease, she said it's just a one time thing...it's their graduation gift to themselves. Well..looks like she'll be leasing until who knows when.

Just last month she was freaking out because her DH was laid off 4 months ago and still haven't found a job which caused them to live paycheck to paycheck. Now she's less freaked out because the DH found a job finally.

Their income is decent, being probably in the 120k range pretax. But she loves brand names and rent clothes all the time for dinner parties. The Joneses she is trying to keep up are the plastic surgeons (she's the plastic PA).

Normally I don't sit on a soapbox and start telling people why they are poor. This friend however, always complain about how they have a hard time saving money or how her DH is a money waster.

So do you guys usually just play nice and go with it fully knowing it's a bad idea? I am not talking about anybody. I am talking about people who companied to you about how they are financially bad..or asked how you managed to save. I feel like this is the only way to maintain any kind of relationship with people.

[msomnipotent]

Well, people who know me know that I speak my mind. I would have told her that she was nuts. But I think people ask me questions like that just to talk them down of their ledge. Otherwise they would ask one of my sisters, who would probably drive them to the Jaguar lot and buy one for themselves while they were at it.

[97guns]

Nope, I just sit back and watch em burry themselves. When you start telling them how it is they will usually look at you like YOUR the idiot

[disneysteve]

So do you guys usually just play nice and go with it fully knowing it's a bad idea? I am not talking about anybody. I am talking about people who companied to you about how they are financially bad..or asked how you managed to save.

No, I would not play along. I have no patience for people like that. Folks who spend like drunken sailors and then complain about being broke aren't the kind of people I would be friends with anyway.

They earn 120K and are leasing an Audi Q5? I just did a quick search and it looks like those go for 40-50K. I paid 16K for my Camry and we earn more than your friends do. I can't fathom being that irresponsible with money.

So no, I would not "play nice" and support their bad behavior.

[Jluke]

If in the moment I was quick enough when asked about the jag, I would have said it's nice but I wouldn't have bought it on my own as it is not financially practical.

Obviously singuy would be lying but I feel that would set a tone to the conversation and maybe open her eyes to the decision being a bad one.

Then again some folks just like to dig themselves deeper in debt

[Outdoorsygal]

No I would tell the truth. I wouldn't go along with her facade with her, nor should she expect me to. Not much of a friend to expect such. jmho

[Singuy]

I feel like I had enough financial battles with her to the point of giving up and just look at her purchase decisions objectively as the objects that they are. I know some of you guys also have people you've already beaten a dead horse with someone you know and probably eventually just gave up.

The Jag will be her third lease...her monthly payments will be the same. She also knows it's stupid and she shouldn't.

Just hurts me in the inside knowing the potential is there. Her mom paid off her student loans and they have a mortgage of only about 200k or so. If they were just smart with their money for 5 years straight...they can have enough money from interest alone to pay for the Jag.

[scfr]

Yes, there are people I have given up on when it comes to their financial decisions, but I won't encourage them. I would have probably answered that "I like it just fine" in a flat tone and let it go. I wouldn't have suggested an alternative expensive purchase.

Then again, other than owning my own home (while some family and friends don't), I don't think I own anything in the way of material possessions that anyone is envious of. So I probably wouldn't face a situation like the one you did.

[msomnipotent]

They earn 120K and are leasing an Audi Q5? I just did a quick search and it looks like those go for 40-50K. I paid 16K for my Camry and we earn more than your friends do. I can't fathom being that irresponsible with money.

That was the first thing that popped into my head, other than "She thinks she can afford a Jaguar???". We make a little more than that and we can't afford it. I was starting to think that maybe I was wasting more money than I thought. Maybe if we didn't have a kid or pets.

[disneysteve]

Maybe if we didn't have a kid or pets.

Or an emergency fund or retirement accounts....

[disneysteve]

I feel like I had enough financial battles with her to the point of giving up and just look at her purchase decisions objectively as the objects that they are.

I'm not saying I would lecture her. I'm just saying I wouldn't go along with the charade.

I might say something like, "That's a really nice car but way out of our budget." And I'd most likely make a comment about leasing being the most expensive way to get a car by far.

I wouldn't expect to change her mind. I just wouldn't support her either.

[StormRichards]

I would recommend the Ferrari California T. When she responds (hopefully) that she can't afford a Ferrari, you can reply telling her she can't afford a Jaguar either but that isn't stopping her.

[SavingMum]

I would recommend the Ferrari California T. When she responds (hopefully) that she can't afford a Ferrari, you can reply telling her she can't afford a Jaguar either but that isn't stopping her.

I like that one! It is hard telling people these things, especially as they probably know it but have convinced themselves otherwise.

What would I do? I don't know, is it really my place to give them financial advice? On the other hand, I wouldn't want to give bad advice...

[MooseBucks]

I don't think it is my place to tell someone what they can or can't afford if they don't ask.

[phantom]

I'd probably say something like, "That sounds like a really great car, but I doubt buying it will make it any easier for you to save more money like you're always saying you want to." If I knew of a slightly less expensive alternative (I'm assuming that's what the Mercedes GLC is), I'd mention that. I wouldn't lecture, but I would offer a gentle reminder that what she's thinking about doing goes directly against things she's expressed an interest in doing in the past. Since she often brings up money problems, as a friend, I think it makes sense for you to tell her about things that you think will lead to more money problems.

If a friend was trying to lose weight, I'd try to help her avoid eating unhealthy food. If a friend was getting sick of being with guys who mistreated her, I'd encourage her to keep away from jerks and not give them second chances. I think part of being a good friend is letting your friends know when they're about to make mistakes that you know they'd like to avoid.