What to do about a GF that is terrible with money?

[rhetoricalphd]

I have been with my GF for a bit over 2 years. This is the mark where you start thinking about next steps (life partner? marriage? kids?). At this point, I am extremely hesitant about taking it to the next level because she has awful credit, wage garnishments, makes poor financial decisions, cant go on vacations as often as I because she cant save towards it. I have tried to give her advice (open up a savings account that takes automatic deductions, donate clothes so that you can get money back tax time, open up an account dedicated to savings, give me her extra income so that I can save it for her, but she wont take any of my advice, in fact she makes excuses about why she cant do those things. She didn't even file her taxes this year (and I am pretty sure this is an on going thing). She always owes money tax time, so I suggested she have more taken out of her pay check. This is a person that makes 75k a year, plus a 8k bonus and we do not have kids! We split rent and bills, etc. Its very frustrating. I cant see myself ever wanting to mix finances with her out of fear. I cannot expect her to change her approach (she is almost 40). Has anyone ever been in this situation? Advice? Is this reason enough to move on in the relationship? (I know this is not a relationship advice forum but its directly tied to finances). In order to not frustrate myself I have resorted to making myself not offer advice and take an "I don't care" approach bc it makes me frustrated that she doesn't take any of my advice. She does not have an credit cards bc she cant trust herself with them. She only has a debit card - she is 37 years old! I want to buy another property within the next 2 years but I want to feel like I can do that with my partner no on my own.

[rhetoricalphd]

Anyone out there?

[rennigade]

"you cant see yourself ever wanting to mix finances with her." Bro...once you're married the finances become one...whether you have separate accounts or not.

I dont have much to say that will be helpful to you. She has deep ruts when it comes to finances. As anyone knows...ruts/habits are really hard to get out of.

Ill just be straight with you. The relationship will never work if the fiances are not in sync. There will always be financial tension and it will eventually bring you both to the breaking point. My advice...run...do not walk out of that relationship.

You can save save save your entire life and it can be derailed by someone who is financially irresponsible.

Good luck my friend. Depending on your next move...you may need it.

[riverwed070707]

Its tough to give advice on relationship matters because there is so much more to them than finances. But based on what you've posted, I think you already know that the consensus of this board (especially since we look from a financial standpoint) is going to be RUN. And don't look back. You can't force someone to change and not being able to get on the same page about finances will be a long term battle. Not worth it IMO.

[Fishindude77]

The other option is to live together without marrying and keep your finances separate. Although it's an uphill battle, there is a possibility you could get her straightened out by handling her $$ for her, and putting her on a weekly cash allowance. No credit cards and no silly spending without joint discussion and approval. You manage all the accounts and pay all the bills.

It's a long shot, but she wouldn't be the first person in a rough financial situation to get straightened out and turned around. Some people actually don't mind another person taking over their finances when they realize they aren't very good at it.

[bjl584]

I was in your situation recently.

We broke up.

The end.

[disneysteve]

I think you already know that the consensus of this board (especially since we look from a financial standpoint) is going to be RUN.

I was in your situation recently.

We broke up.

The end.

Agreed.

There's no way I would have invested 2 years of my life with someone in this situation.

[snafu]

The divorce rate is over 50% and the number one cause of divorce is the disagreements about financial issues. If you can't get on the same page for finance you have set yourself up for failure. Legally, as soon as you are married your finances are intermingled and each is responsible for the other's spending. I don't think you'd want to add children into those kinds of problems.

I wonder if you would both be willing to go to counselling so that your mate would better understand how important getting her finances straightened out is to you. She has to straighten them out if you are to go forward as this is much more than a money issue. How people use money/income carries huge psychological baggage .

Second to all that, the history you've outlined will continue to haunt you both as the record of bad debts lives on for 7 years. If there are student loans it will never end until those are paid in full. Any major loan, buying a house, financing a car will require exorbitant interest rates. Now that employers are routinely looking at credit scores it has potential to affect promotion, who is retained in a squeeze, advancement, new employment opportunities and more.

Like the others, I think for the long run it is best to part ways. It comes down to a matter of trust.

[AlexM1359]

Finances is the number one reason for divorce these days. Talk to her, explain the situation, convince her to get a credit card and try to see what her behaviour will be...at that age unfortunately people dont change...so see how it goes, but if shes not good with money, theres no future trust me...it will end up in divorce best case scenario or u will end up in so much debt that you will spend your whole life paying it off

[MonkeyMama]

Agreed.

There's no way I would have invested 2 years of my life with someone in this situation.

Agreed. Too much of an up front deal breaker for me.

There was a recent discussion on this topic - maybe someone can direct OP to that thread.

I don't find that my personal values and life goals line up with people who are a financial mess. So it's hard for me to imagine having any sort of relationship with someone like that. OF course, when you stay with someone a long time ignoring the problems, it becomes complicated to remove yourself from the situation. The last sentence of OP maybe says it all. You want a partner to help you, not a dead weight.

[Tabs]

Although I agree with the general concensus, I would like to add to try working things out with your GF. You need to have a hard but sincere heart-to-heart with her about the financial obstacles before you, and see if this is something that the two of you can somehow find a resolution or compromise.

That way, even if the relationship were to fail, at least you can move on with a clear conscience knowing you tried your best to salvage it. But give it your best shot to save the ship before you abandon it.

[sblatner]

I'd say it is a deal breaker. She can't go on vacations because she can't save money. She didn't file her taxes. Yikes!

[Singuy]

My wife's friend is terrible with money and married to a guy who is also terrible with money..both are compatible and there's nothing wrong with their marriage. I knew that the friend and I are incompatible because my financial advices usually get her to roll her eyes and calling me cheap..or "not living".

You have to be on the same page or else it'll never work out and you'll be poor for life.

[Rachael777]

I am a female and I would suggest you leave too especially since there has been no sign (from your post) about wanting to learn etc..

[pflyers85]

I would probably get out now while it wouldn't cost me anything. She's heading down a path of financial ruin and I see no reason why you should get caught up in her financial foibles. I mean you can try to reason with her and get her on a written budget but she has to want this for herself. If its you forcing it upon her without her having a say it will just breed resentment and you will have more than just money headaches. I think you actually know what you need to do but your heart is getting in the way.