What to do about a GF that is terrible with money?

[sandrark]

My sister married the male equivalent of your girlfriend 20+ years ago.

He is now nearing retirement age. He spends every penny he makes, he nags her to eat out most nights (because leftovers are Bo-Ring!), he eats out at lunch (only losers pack their lunch!), he buys crap at Xmas, and then throws it away on January 5th. He liquidated a retirement fund, bought a classic Corvette with a credit card, and has expected her to pay his co-payment on surgery. Oh, and did I mention that he inherited a house, and has never put her on the title - even though she's paid for upkeep, taxes, improvements, etc.?

He now has a car payment, because "his spending is more controlled when he has a car payment." He's saved nothing for retirement.

She doesn't want to leave him because she doesn't want a "failed marriage."

If I were you, I would RUN AWAY as fast as I can. IME,there's something borderline manic-depressive about this sort of spending addiction, and it does NOT get better with age. You cannot change her - you can only limit the damage.

[naaxt420]

I will try to make it simple ...
Truth!
Have a nice talk with her, explain it to her :P

[SavingSteve]

Personally, I would dump her. But people can change if they face dire consequences. People quit smoking after 20 years etc...

If the relationship means a lot to you, tell her that your relationship requires her to have a change of heart and make a serious effort to change her ways. Give it a time limit like 6 months.

You will know pretty quickly if it's going to happen or not.

[Save24]

Its tough to give advice on relationship matters because there is so much more to them than finances. But based on what you've posted, I think you already know that the consensus of this board (especially since we look from a financial standpoint) is going to be RUN. And don't look back. You can't force someone to change and not being able to get on the same page about finances will be a long term battle. Not worth it IMO.

Agree!! Find someone that has their financial head on straight.

[dawnwes]

Money issues are a HUGE reason people break up or divorce. I would not even consider taking it to the next level without a serious talk and some months of change on her part, if you even want to bother.

This WILL be disastrous unless she changes.

[Staceyy]

I take it you don't want to have children? So why get married? I would tell her you will get married if she cleans up her life and cleans up her debts, with proof. This might be a good incentive for her.

[elessar78]

I'd say stay away because, as a wife, she'd become your financial partner through life too. But my wife was similar, she had debt and delinquent debts—she was just irresponsible and never really cared much for the importance of financial matters.

The difference is that she was willing to change.

If you don't think she's able to change, then stay away. You're probably setting yourself up for a frustration filled life if you pursue it.

[JoeP]

I always believe that people can change if the stakes are high enough. It might just be the case that your girlfriend will attend financial planning seminars and demonstrate financial responsibility if confronted with the prospect of a breakup. It might also be the case that she will just go through the motions to fool you (don't think you alone possess special skills that can detect deception), only to return to her current ways some time later.

It's really a judgment call on your part. How much risk are you willing to assume? Your entire future could be ruined by making what seems to be a harmless decision now, especially if you bank on a "she'll eventually change" mentality.