What’s your “limit” on purchases before checking in with your spouse/partner?

[jenn_jenn]

Another thread got me thinking about this.

My husband and I have joint finances but also have separate checking accounts. We don’t have a defined limit of what the other can spend before checking in.

I’d really think nothing of it if one of us purchases a $500/item (in fact, we both have done this without checking with the other) so long as it wasn’t a regular occurrence. Over $1000 though and we usually check-in with the other - not really an ask but more an inform. We’re both responsible and there hasn’t been anything that the other voiced concerned over.

How do you guys handle this?

[disneysteve]

My wife and I have had joint finances since we got engaged in 1989. She still has a credit card in her name only and she has a checking account in her name for her business which she opened a couple of years ago. Other than that, it's all joint.

We are both frugal by nature. Neither one of us is the type to go out and buy something for hundreds of dollars to begin with and certainly not without discussing it with the other. Since everything is joint, we make our decisions jointly. Of course that doesn't mean we have to clear every little thing. If my wife goes out to lunch with a friend, that's fine, or if I buy a new pair of sneakers, I don't need her permission, but anything beyond nominal expenditures is handled jointly.

[MonkeyMama]

Another thread got me thinking about this.

My husband and I have joint finances but also have separate checking accounts. We don’t have a defined limit of what the other can spend before checking in.

I’d really think nothing of it if one of us purchases a $500/item (in fact, we both have done this without checking with the other) so long as it wasn’t a regular occurrence. Over $1000 though and we usually check-in with the other - not really an ask but more an inform. We’re both responsible and there hasn’t been anything that the other voiced concerned over.

How do you guys handle this?

About the same. We are both very frugal and on the same page. 100% joint with everything. I don't see the point in discussing things unless it's a larger purchase. Maybe $1,000. Not that we've never discussed smaller things, but I'd feel pretty *shrugs* if my husband spent $500 and didn't tell me ahead of time. I'd probably know though because he'd probably perseverate for months/years before pulling the trigger. So maybe that's a factor.

I think for the most part we live on the same financial page so it's a non-issue. We are both very aware of our spending limits. My planning personality would like a heads up if something bigger is coming down the pipe. & he's the same way. Because of this, we probably just both intuitively know when to discuss these things.

For example, my husband is considering a last minute trip. Waiting to see if his film got into a film festival. We are going to discuss the logistics once we find out. But we really don't need to have this conversation. We'd both come to the same conclusion. If the flight is too crazy, he may just go alone. Or if it's too too crazy, he won't see the point. He doesn't need to discuss that with me, but he will. Probably more because of the airport/childcare logistics and all that stuff. Do I want to go. Can I get the time off work. It would be less about the money. For the money part, we are just going to read each other's minds anyway. Our money discussions aren't very exciting. I think that about sums it up. Typing this out makes me realize our "money" discussions are probably most of the time more about logistics than money.

[srblanco7]

Another thread got me thinking about this.

My husband and I have joint finances but also have separate checking accounts. We don’t have a defined limit of what the other can spend before checking in.

I’d really think nothing of it if one of us purchases a $500/item (in fact, we both have done this without checking with the other) so long as it wasn’t a regular occurrence. Over $1000 though and we usually check-in with the other - not really an ask but more an inform. We’re both responsible and there hasn’t been anything that the other voiced concerned over.

How do you guys handle this?

Our finances are set up similarly. Not set limit before a conversation is necessary - and I don't believe we've ever discussed having a "limit". In reality it's probably $400-$500 of spend that would drive a conversation - as a matter of respect for the other.

[kork13]

100% joint here, we don't use any separate accounts. How we handle big expenses really depends on a few factors... Dollar figure, necessity, as well as recurrence. Necessity is probably most impactful. Note that we really don't have anything defined/agreed upon... What I describe is just more an observation of what we do, not indicative of any agreed-upon standards.

If it's a 'must-do', we'll find the most cost-effective option, then spend the money. Basic needs (safety/food/housing/transportation) are definitely in this category, but travel is too. The line for this is probably around $300-$500 meriting a notification. Above that, we may try to discuss options before deciding exactly what to do, but not necessarily.

For less important things, the line is lower ... Most non-important things above ~$150-$200 will generally be at least be a notification, if not a discussion of if/how we spend the money. The recurrence caveat also drives that number much lower ... For stuff that's going to be a recurring cost, we generally discuss almost everything, regardless of cost.

[MonkeyMama]

For stuff that's going to be a recurring cost, we generally discuss almost everything, regardless of cost.

I can see that. We aren't big on adding new fixed costs, so I could see a new $15/month charge warranting a discussion.
We are so much more *shrugs* about one-off expenses. But we are very lean/brutal with our fixed costs.

[jenn_jenn]

Typing this out makes me realize our "money" discussions are probably most of the time more about logistics than money.

This made me laugh because I feel like that’s us too. With the exception of big picture and goal type stuff.

[riverwed070707]

I'll be the oddball. We have 100% separate finances. Don't even know what my partner makes. I've purchased houses without talking to him first. I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to money so its best for both of our mental health this way He is very much a "if I have enough for today, mission accomplished" mentality and I'm a "save every penny" type. We probably wouldn't be together if we tried to share money.

[bjl584]

We have separate accounts since we're not married. She lives with me, and we do consult on major purchases as a courtesy. We don't really have a dollar limit. We just sort of know what "major" is

[disneysteve]

We have separate accounts since we're not married.

Certainly a wise decision. Combining finances with someone who isn't your spouse has a lot of added risks and is best avoided.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

$500? $1000? Considering I bought and paid for our entire trips without running cost by my DH I'm not sure. I said "we're going to macchu picchu." DH 'ok when?" LAL "next year. I put a deposit." DH "okay." Ask him cost of trip? Not a clue. Did it cross my mind to ask? Nope. If i think it's reasonable it's reasonable. All of our trips which are thousands of dollars are never asked. I buy and then tell. I'm not going outrageous.

Even my own airline tickets this past year have been quite a bit, I've told him I'm going and I've bought tickets. I'm not someone to recklessly spend so I guess that's the reason why. Even when I bought a cruise, i think we were getting on the cruise when he said what did it cost? This past trip, he didn't ask me a question over what I paid. He pulled out his passport and went along for the ride.

I did mention $1800 for minivan brakes, struts, rotors mostly because I freaked out last month over the expense. But it wasn't like "oh can I spend $1800 on the car?" Yeah no it's our car and we are doing a repair that was needed.

[myrdale]

$500? $1000? Considering I bought and paid for our entire trips without running cost by my DH I'm not sure. I said "we're going to macchu picchu." DH 'ok when?" LAL "next year. I put a deposit." DH "okay." Ask him cost of trip? Not a clue. Did it cross my mind to ask? Nope. If i think it's reasonable it's reasonable. All of our trips which are thousands of dollars are never asked. I buy and then tell. I'm not going outrageous.

Even my own airline tickets this past year have been quite a bit, I've told him I'm going and I've bought tickets. I'm not someone to recklessly spend so I guess that's the reason why. Even when I bought a cruise, i think we were getting on the cruise when he said what did it cost? This past trip, he didn't ask me a question over what I paid. He pulled out his passport and went along for the ride.

I did mention $1800 for minivan brakes, struts, rotors mostly because I freaked out last month over the expense. But it wasn't like "oh can I spend $1800 on the car?" Yeah no it's our car and we are doing a repair that was needed.

It sounds like you're both on the same page. He doesn't need / want to see a detailed invoice accounting for every expense of the trip. You're presumably not flying first class or staying in a $5,000 per night hotel. A quick google search is $1,300 per person, plus another $500 for the flight would be call it $4,000 total. Maybe you have $6,000 sunk in this adventure all told. If you household budget is <$40,000 it really is out of the question. If it's +$100,000, *shrug* who cares?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

It sounds like you're both on the same page. He doesn't need / want to see a detailed invoice accounting for every expense of the trip. You're presumably not flying first class or staying in a $5,000 per night hotel. A quick google search is $1,300 per person, plus another $500 for the flight would be call it $4,000 total. Maybe you have $6,000 sunk in this adventure all told. If you household budget is <$40,000 it really is out of the question. If it's +$100,000, *shrug* who cares?

Yeah more like 3x that $6k. That being said nope there is a difference if i were blowing it on clothes, bags, shoes, or something. Even a car repair for $2k barely mentioned a nod. More l ike I need a ride from the mechanic. Now i might have a conversation if it was "hmm...i need a new car."

[disneysteve]

Yeah more like 3x that $6k. That being said nope there is a difference if i were blowing it on clothes, bags, shoes, or something. Even a car repair for $2k barely mentioned a nod.

That's a good point that what the money is being spent on is also important as to whether or not it warrants a discussion. In recent months we've had some electrical/HVAC work and some plumbing work done. In neither instance did I discuss the cost with my wife first. What was she going to say? She wouldn't have told me to not fix the air conditioner or not repair the worn out plumbing. Now if I wanted to spend $1,000 on a few Tommy Bahama shirts, that would have been a different conversation.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

That's a good point that what the money is being spent on is also important as to whether or not it warrants a discussion. In recent months we've had some electrical/HVAC work and some plumbing work done. In neither instance did I discuss the cost with my wife first. What was she going to say? She wouldn't have told me to not fix the air conditioner or not repair the worn out plumbing. Now if I wanted to spend $1,000 on a few Tommy Bahama shirts, that would have been a different conversation.

This. There are points where it's sort of moot. Need new tires for the mininvan? $1000. Hmm...flat tire...sitting there waiting to have discussion or deciding maybe I should do it.

$1000 on sunglasses or new snowboard? Yeah we'd need to talk. But talks about some of the bigger stuff are more like are we going to WDW? If the answer is yes then the normal response will be that will be expensive.