Bad Situation - Need Personal Advice

[shotzy1313]

Hi,

To make a long story short ill hit a few key issues and get right to the point... What would you financially do in this situation?

I just graduated from college and had to take out student loans in order to get by. This is something my parents handled for me. Half way through my 5 year college career my mom had a severe brain aneurism. She handled all of my family’s finances. This left me in a position to have to learn how and take over my student loan situation. I even completely paid for a year out of pocket from working because I didn’t learn quick enough.

Meanwhile my dad pretty much lost half of all his possessions and retirement in which the government took from us. Unfortunately for me, my mom had taken out extra money for my schooling and had it in a separate bank account under her name which the government took as well. I have reason to believe she had taken out extra money for herself that I did not know about. I do not blame her because this is something she probably planned on paying back but this all happened unexpectedly.

Now it is time to pay back all the money that I took out for school that went toward school or toward me to help me get by and found an extra $30,000 dollars that went to my mom/dad. Now my dad is slamming me with another student loan that didn’t even go to my schooling which is worth $18,000 dollars. I have requested documents from the school and have evidence of where the money went to. I have no record of this new $18,000 going toward me or the school.

Meanwhile I just graduated and moved out with my girlfriend and her son and I am trying to start a new life with. I am torn between family who I love very much and inheriting 50 grand of dept that I am not responsible for.

Looking for advice on:
What would you do?
What do you think is the right thing to do?
What shouldn’t I do?
Any financial advice in this situation?

[Broken Arrow]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. The post sounds like there is a lot more personal family... issues.. that may lurk underneath it all.

I would get all the documentation possible from all the loans you have. Find out who is the lender. Make sure you have online and phone access to your lenders. Find out all the details for yourself. You don't have to understand it all right away. Just print them all out in hard copies and file it somewhere where only you have access. Switch and restrict all access to your loans to just yourself. In doing so, you want to accomplish the following:

1. Know exactly how much you owe, and to whom.
2. Make sure you are only paying for the loans that are literally in your name.
3. Make sure nobody else can screw you somehow by taking out additional loans on your behalf.

Finally, please understand that while there is such a thing as family, there is also such a thing as business, and almost always, the two should never mix. You can love your family, and at the same time, do what you have to do to protect yourself.

[maat55]

How are you not responsible for 50k?

It is one thing to investigate the 18k and determine if you are liable, but any other loans that were school related, you should accept responsibility for.

[shotzy1313]

How are you not responsible for 50k?

It is one thing to investigate the 18k and determine if you are liable, but any other loans that were school related, you should accept responsibility for.

My student loans went to…
45k went to my schooling
20k went toward me for living expenses for 5 years

There is an additional 30k that went to my parents (all during my first 2 years) and this 18k loan I am looking into that doesn’t add up

Nearly 50k is being put on me that didn’t go to me or my schooling…

This seems more like a venting post and unnecessary. Appologies. But thanks for the post about paying off what’s in my name first. That’s a good idea until I can figure things out further.

[maat55]

My student loans went to…
45k went to my schooling
20k went toward me for living expenses for 5 years

There is an additional 30k that went to my parents (all during my first 2 years) and this 18k loan I am looking into that doesn’t add up

Nearly 50k is being put on me that didn’t go to me or my schooling…

This seems more like a venting post and unnecessary. Appologies. But thanks for the post about paying off what’s in my name first. That’s a good idea until I can figure things out further.

I would sit down with your parents and talk this through. You should honestly consider your responsible part of this debt and allow your parents to deal with their part. If your name is on some of what you consider their debt, you may have to suck it up and eat it.

[shotzy1313]

I would sit down with your parents and talk this through. You should honestly consider your responsible part of this debt and allow your parents to deal with their part. If your name is on some of what you consider their debt, you may have to suck it up and eat it.

That's the thing... A lot of this is on my mom who can no longer understand whats going on. From my research the newly acquired 18k loan is in my parents name. I am getting a letter written out from my dad so I can look into dates and such and try and trace this money. As for the rest of the bulk... I would say 70% of this is in my dads name and 30% is in my name.

[Seeker]

My student loans went to…
45k went to my schooling
20k went toward me for living expenses for 5 years

There is an additional 30k that went to my parents (all during my first 2 years) and this 18k loan I am looking into that doesn’t add up

Nearly 50k is being put on me that didn’t go to me or my schooling…

This seems more like a venting post and unnecessary. Appologies. But thanks for the post about paying off what’s in my name first. That’s a good idea until I can figure things out further.

You really need to draw out a timeline. You said that mid-way through your education, the financial caretaker (your Mom) essentially suddently stopped handling that task. And half of everything that they held in common was taken, and 100% of what she held separately was taken. So essentially, the money trail was broken and lost at that point.

The "45k went to my schooling" -- where is that from? What timeline does that cover (the entire 5 years)?

The "20k went to living expenses for the 5 years" -- where is this documented? Is this portion in your name alone?

How much $'s are you being charged on your loans? And for which timeframes (The front page of the billing payment stubbs that my Hubby had for repayment, showed the history of the loans he had taken ; amounts and date ranges) -- do you have that for the loans under your name?

Get the school history of all amounts spent with dates.

Compare those with the debts in your name.

There should be a big huge discrepancy between your total loans for the 5 years and the total amount paid (by the school records). Part of your education was paid by your folks, they sent you money; you know this is true. But you don't have any idea how much. And that is the problem.

What degree did you get? How expensive was it total?

While I agree with BA -- you technically should have some knowledge of what your total school education cost you.... a guess so to speak.

Looking for advice on:
What would you do?
What do you think is the right thing to do?
What shouldn’t I do?
Any financial advice in this situation?

What would I do: get absolutely all the documentation I could from the school, from any packed away books, receipts. Compare with the loan billings in my name. Make a honest effort to find out tuitions costs, and other unit costs for each semester or quarterly class I took during the past times and considering the costs on those dates. Sit down with you Dad and honestly talk it out.

What do you think is the right thing to do: That depends on his financial situation and your financial situation. The honest thing to do is to pay what you used. It would be nice to help him out with more.... but all of that assumes that you make an honest effort to know what he or she sent you over that timeframe for you to use toward housing or education.

What shouldn’t I do: Don't avoid it. Don't drag it out. Find out the details and be fair and honest and talk about what you can realistically cover with your financial situation right now. His will not be great, and if he's near retirement and cannot retire because of what has happened... you can understand his feelings, but unfortunately nobody has control over the past. You have your entire life ahead of you... help him as much as you can; but you should not have to take care of it all... if it's not all your debt.

Financial advice is above.

Good luck

[mikebanker]

sorry man...get a job and start paying. Do what responsible people do and keep it real!