Sending my son to college today

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 08-14-2018, 08:51 AM

I was going to ask which one of you were waiting and dreading, but it's clear once I read past the first two sentences. Awwe. May these feelings soon give way to a solid recognition that it is "the right time," all is well, your son is of strong mind and morals, and will make good decisions, find good paths, and will fare well.

**Fishindude77** · 08-14-2018, 09:43 AM

Congrats !
If we raise them right, they all leave the nest at some point. He will have the time of his life.

**Like2Plan** · 08-14-2018, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by TexasHusker View Post

After a long summer of waiting and dreading, today he leaves for college, 5 hours away. This is only in the "savings advice" arena because I have to make a visit to the Bursar's office tomorrow.

But I am incredibly sad at seeing my son go. He's been a joy since the day he was born. A model son. This is the most difficult thing since...well...I don't think I've had it quite this difficult.

No one warned me when he was born that 18 years would be gone in a flash and I would be waving good bye. The pain is incredible. All of the savings in the world can't make it go away.

I have great empathy of those that have gone through this already. In the end, life is nothing without relationships. The rest is just future garage sale inventory.

Texas,
We felt the same way when we launched our DS. The only thing that consoled us was the thought that we wanted DS to be able to explore the world and someday have a wonderful family just like we did.

**TexasHusker** · 08-14-2018, 10:47 AM

Just waved goodbye. He gone!

**james.hendrickson** · 08-14-2018, 10:49 AM

Houston, we have liftoff.

Good job getting your kid raised and off to college Texas.

**rennigade** · 08-14-2018, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by TexasHusker View Post

Just waved goodbye. He gone!

Did he remember his sunglasses this time?

**greenskeeper** · 08-14-2018, 12:50 PM

Mr. Blutarsky... zero... point... zero.

**disneysteve** · 08-14-2018, 01:02 PM

You and I have discussed this before but let me weigh in again anyway.

All of you are entering a new phase in your lives, a phase that is normal and positive and something you've all worked toward for the past 18 years. Do your best to focus on what lies ahead rather than what you leave behind. Look forward to hearing all about new activities and experiences and meeting new friends and more.

The owner/editor of a regional magazine wrote a column a few years ago about their 3rd and final daughter leaving for college. She and her husband were initially saddened by the sudden empty nest after 20+ years of a constant hub of activity that came with raising 3 girls. They soon discovered, however, as she put it, the relationship that the two of them had tucked away on a shelf over two decades earlier when they first became parents. They started reconnecting with each other and with other adult friends who had largely dropped out of their lives while all of them were busy parenting. They re-engaged in activities they used to enjoy together and started discovering new interests, both individually and jointly.

This very much mirrors what my wife and I experienced. When our daughter left for college, we were able to start doing things that we just didn't do when she was home with us. We started checking out restaurants that we couldn't go to with her. We somehow discovered a common appreciation for bourbon and have enjoyed exploring that by visiting over a dozen distilleries including an epic trip to Kentucky to do the Bourbon Trail. We also joined a Facebook group for Bourbon enthusiasts in our area and have attended several events with them. We've done some traveling that we never would have done as a family. And we've gotten together a number of times with friends who we just never saw when DD was home. And those are just a few examples. Yours will vary, obviously, but you get the idea.

If one of your concerns is that your son won't need you anymore, just forget that. He does and will still need you, more than ever in some ways. As he starts doing more and more "adulting", he will look to you for guidance along the way. I can assure you that your job as a parent is far from over.

My wife and I are now on the flipside of this whole process. Our daughter graduated college in May and is back home with us. I'm happy to have her but also hoping that this phase doesn't last too long. My hope is that she will get herself a decent job and transition into her own place within the next year or so. I've even started thinking about the possibility of helping her out financially to make that happen. It would be worth every penny to me to contribute a couple hundred dollars each month toward her living independently if that's what it takes to make that a reality (not long term, of course, but until she's established in a job).

We are now in that somewhat awkward in between phase where DD is living with us but is nearly 23 so we're doing our best to treat her more as an adult and give both her and us more independence, but it's hard with her sitting right there, so we're all adjusting to our new normal.

I once read that it's wrong to say that as parents we are raising children. A gardener doesn't say he is growing seeds. Instead, he focuses on the end goal and says he is growing tomatoes or corn or tulips. By the same token, we aren't raising children. We start with children but we are raising adults. Be proud of the emerging adult you have raised and enjoy seeing him begin to spread his wings and fly on his own.

**creditcardfree** · 08-14-2018, 03:47 PM

Just moved our youngest into her dorm today. Will say final goodbye in the morning before we leave on an 18 hour trip home. It is bittersweet, but I too am trying my very best to focus on the positives for her and all that she will enjoy. But there have been times of tears as well, so hugs to you TexasHusker, I'm right there will you!

As a parent with an older daughter in college, one can definitely see them mature after that first year and the years following. It is fantastic to see.

**~bs** · 08-14-2018, 04:59 PM

i imagine you're a lot more sad than your son.

he'll probably take a few weeks to settle in, then "PARTY TIME!"

**Thrif-t** · 08-14-2018, 05:11 PM

I have 2 in college, only one of them is away, but we still have a high schooler so I don't get too sad. I think I'll be more sad when the last one is gone.

But I have to agree with DisneySteve, we've been reconnecting with old friends who have been put on the back burner while we were raising our family. I gotta say I will absolutely enjoy this next phase of life.

**Jluke** · 08-14-2018, 05:37 PM

We are just gearing up for the start of kindergarten.

**disneysteve** · 08-14-2018, 05:39 PM

Originally posted by Jluke View Post

We are just gearing up for the start of kindergarten.

Don't blink. College will be here before you know it.

**disneysteve** · 08-14-2018, 05:46 PM

Originally posted by creditcardfree View Post

I too am trying my very best to focus on the positives for her and all that she will enjoy.

And I would stress again to also focus on the positives YOU and your spouse will enjoy.

I'm not suggesting that this applies to you or TH but one thing that I think is a growing problem is parents who are so hyper-involved in their kids' lives, the helicopter parents. They find themselves totally lost and distraught when their kid goes away to college. So much of their lives have totally revolved around doing everything and anything with and for their kid that when the kid leaves, the parents are devastated.

Certainly, my wife and I have always been there for our daughter and have been supportive and done all kinds of things with her, but we also always made sure to maintain our own lives and our relationship. So when DD went off to college, we still had plenty of interests and activities to pursue just the two of us. We looked forward to that day when we dropped her off at college. We really enjoyed being a couple again.

Sending my son to college today