Do you ever just not fit in because you're frugal?

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-09-2009, 05:11 PM

Yes and I'm nervous when people keep talking about how expensive a baby is. I commented to our neighbors who are 26 weeks pregnant I'll just get a used crib. My DH looked at me like I grew two heads. They I guess bought a boutique crib that took 20 weeks + to special order.

I am too tired to look at cribs. Why can't I just get a free one last minute? I wish I had relatives and more friends with babies nearby. I'd totally be asking for freebies. Laziness more than frugality will probably affect me.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 07-09-2009, 05:15 PM

Yep, I can see why.

I was shopping Goodwill when Goodwill wasn't cool. I have always disliked those "Ooh, I like your sweater! Where'd you get it?" compliments. It seems like that started as a way of making casual conversation in the eighties. Before that I think it would have been considered a little crass, maybe rude. Anyway, I remember, in the eighties, a woman cheerfully asking me that about a pair of pants. I told her they were from Goodwill. She looked away, seemingly ashamed, and probably embarrassed for having "embarrassed' me. I don't mind talking bargains, but I do mind talking heedless-needless-remorseless consumption. If I'd have said, "the 5-7-9 shop," she would have launched into a comparison of mall shops, or something.

I usually have little to nothing to say when those conversations go on. I try to get away from them. It is so boring and demoralizing to be trapped for a long time (like at work) with people who seem to have little else they care to talk about except buying stuff. But I think people really do somehow bond and make some sort of friends and easier office relationships through those kinds of conversations. So if you don't participate, others might not quite trust you, or perhaps they will think you boring or a snob who thinks she is better than them.

Oh, and I think this is more a way among women, but not sure. I've worked overwhelmingly with women.

That thing they say about always having a car payment & leases? I wonder if that is something the sales people say to customers and they repeat it because it sounds good to them like some kind of folksy truth...death, taxes and car payments, ya know.

**jIM_Ohio** · 07-09-2009, 05:19 PM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

Yes and I'm nervous when people keep talking about how expensive a baby is. I commented to our neighbors who are 26 weeks pregnant I'll just get a used crib. My DH looked at me like I grew two heads. They I guess bought a boutique crib that took 20 weeks + to special order.

I am too tired to look at cribs. Why can't I just get a free one last minute? I wish I had relatives and more friends with babies nearby. I'd totally be asking for freebies. Laziness more than frugality will probably affect me.

Both our cribs are used, from two different people, and they do not even match- different color woods and finishes and styles. I am sure my kids do not mind. LOL

**disneysteve** · 07-09-2009, 05:44 PM

Our crib was new as was the furniture for the nursery. We opted to buy real, good quality furniture that would remain her bedroom set for as long as she lived here, and then maybe move with her when she was older. We didn't get a cutesy kiddy set with pastel colors. We got a nice, solid wood cherry finish set that is quite nice.

Now her bassinet was another story. We bought that at yard sale for $15. It had one broken support piece that was basically a piece of plastic with a hole at each end. I figured I could fashion a replacement, which I did, out of a scrap of wood. I painted it to match (it was white which was easy to match). We later saw the identical bassinet in a baby stuff catalog for $150 plus shipping.

Lots of other things came from yard sales. Best of all, when we were done with them, we resold them at a yard sale, usually getting the same price we paid and sometimes even more than we paid. It was like renting all that stuff for free.

**Cassandra** · 07-09-2009, 08:59 PM

Sometimes, yes.

There are things I'm willing to spend more money on, but that list is getting smaller and smaller. I sometimes feel out of touch with a lot of people in my age group.

Like drinking. I don't drink, and while I don't care if others drink, some of the people I know spend ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol. One day, while sitting in class waiting for it to begin, I overheard one guy telling another that he spends about $100-150 every weekend on alcohol/going to bars/parties. I cannot imagine spending so much every weekend on alcohol.

I also don't wear make-up. I wore it a little in high school but never got that into it. I really don't get why some make-up costs so much. I bet the main ingredients in the drugstore brands are the same in the high-end brands. I saw a commercial for a "facial mister" that cost about $30 for about 20 oz. What the heck is a facial mister and why does your skin "need" it? I know girls who will spend $50 or more a month on make-up and I have to wonder if it is really worth it. I've seen them without make-up and I think they actually look prettier without it.

**snafu** · 07-09-2009, 09:11 PM

Slowly, month by month and year by year, the marketing gurus, ad agencies, and promoters have convinced people with insecurities that if they bought the best skin products, make-up, clothes, accessories, cars, houses etc. they could fill the hole in their psyche . At the same time if their relationships didn't resemble their fantasy, they could fix it buying more expensive stuff.

On the other hand...look at what's happened to GM and Chrysler when people suddenly stopped buying/leasing cars.

**GREENBACK** · 07-09-2009, 09:25 PM

In our consumer driven economy I think retailers definitely take advantage of most americans cluelessness about finances. They love the fact that people stand around water coolers and in break rooms and hype their products. I tend to avoid these conversations or at least try to steer them in another direction.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 07-10-2009, 04:46 AM

Jim, that's cute.

DS, that $275 bag? I'd rather have a PS3. Then I play video games when I have to be up with the baby. I've got a ton of bags.

I've started hearing from people how expensive stuff is. Everything new. My DH is sort of getting into the hype as well I think because it's our first.

Me? I have so many relatives back home, that used sounds great. Why bother buying new if you can get it free? AND you don't have to stress over picking everything out!

I mean I already have a list of projects that need to get done before the baby comes, whose got time to shop?

If i'm really lucky, my mom will buy me everything and I won't spend a penny. I'm going to cross my fingers and just hope she starts surfing the internet to buy stuff.

**Broken Arrow** · 07-10-2009, 04:53 AM

Yes, I most definitely don't fit in for a variety of reasons, and one of them is frugality.

**moneybags** · 07-10-2009, 05:34 AM

There are some people that just don't get it. You can live within your means without 2 giant car payments, etc. I usually test the waters with them to see if they are willing to listen to my wisdom

. I like to brag about my deals & frugality. It is a shame that your wife's co-workers aren't willing to listen to her. They could learn something!

**simpleyme** · 07-10-2009, 06:44 AM

disneysteve,i am sure that when your wife leaves the room they say well of course she has no car payment or worries her husband is a doctor,totaly missing any of the wisdom your wife has attemped to share

as far as how much babies cost and what they need,we were poor with my first son and I hardley had anything very few baby clothes no crib we bought almost nothing and were given nothing I bought a couple bags of baby clothes at the one dollar a bag sale at the mission
we waited till we were in better shape to have our second babe and boy did I go overboard everything new everything matched of course i still look at the pictures and it was very cute ,but I should have gone to a yardsale and bought similar stuff for half price ;-)
believe it or not both boys survived just fine ;-)

**Goldy1** · 07-10-2009, 06:48 AM

Yes I have been in the exact position at work. The women all of whom were probably less financially secure than me (based on acknowledged debt etc)would spend a lot more money(see the pattern here) It was a medical office where we closed for just under 1.5 hours for lunch. I would walk across to Borders' and read finance books while they went out shopping.
I would join in and comment on how I like the new boots etc. Just b/c I don't shop freely often doesn't mean I don't still enjoy things like that or can't talk about stuff.

I worked with a couple women who were in dire debt over what were shopping addictions. Often if it wasn't clothing etc it was "I wan tour family to go on a cruise but we have no money for it so I want to save fo rit. " Great, but how about buildin gup the emergency fund(what's that?) first.

I don't preach to people tho b/c it would backfire and make me come across as thinking I am "better than thou"

I have other friends who are frugal so that balances it. Yes we live in a world that wants everything now. To me it's a bunch of made in "pick your country" junk. I'll take some, but not too much ,thank you very much.

As for the baby stuff:I pick up 5 packs of onesies for $8 at Target and put cotton shorts over them. He spits up and worse on them all day long

There are some things I buy I need:baby carrier, etc.

**Ima saver** · 07-10-2009, 07:12 AM

I totally understand how your wife feels. I have never really fit in. I went to a surprise birthday party last night. Every woman there had had their hair done, manicures, pedicures, etc. They all had new outfits. I was wearing my $20 jeans and 10 year old shoes.

**MonkeyMama** · 07-10-2009, 07:17 AM

YEs, I totally understand.

Funny thing is we move to a much cheaper city and moved into a rather upscale neighborhood. I Was worried we wouldn't fit in there. BUT it has turned out opposite. You describe the conversations with my "broke friends" every day. Most of our neighbors on the other hand tend to be rather frugal. I thought they would be Joneses types, but really it's all our low income friends who want to keep up with the Joneses. Most of the people in our neighborhood are rather frugal, which is a breath of fresh air.

At work I mostly work with older, frugal people (CPAs) so I fit right in. A few people my age have come through though, and ugh. Their car payments must be insane.

Even in my office I have to watch what I Say sometimes. A few months after I returned from my second maternity leave (I had been off for about 5 months and everyone knows my spouse hadn't worked for years), I mentioned that the vehicle we just bought was paid for in cash. (Someone mentioned payments or debt in regards to buying vehicles, and I said - "Oh, it's paid for."). The receptionist in our office - her jaw literally dropped to the ground. It was kind of funny actually. I don't bring it up though because people tend to think you are rubbing it in, or you inherited a fortune. There are some people it's not worth even trying with.

Do you ever just not fit in because you're frugal?