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Stubborn close-minded people, slight rant

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  • Stubborn close-minded people, slight rant

    I know, there are things you can change, and there are things you can't change. Don't waste energy on the latter.

    I have an acquaintance who is incredibly stubborn and close minded. A few examples...

    On the subject of music:
    "I hate opera."
    "Why? How much have you listened to?"
    "All it took was a minute of that horrible warbling."
    "I'll bet if you listened to a variety of opera, you might find something you like."
    "I'm not going to waste my time trying."

    On the subject of Breaking Bad:
    "I don't get why everyone says Breaking Bad is so great."
    "How much did you watch?"
    "All I could make it through was an episode."
    "You really should watch about 4 or 5 episodes, people say it's a good show for a reason."
    "Why should I waste my time forcing myself to watch something I hate?"

    On the subject of travel:
    "You really think about traveling, you're single, healthy, no debt, all kinds of freedom."
    "I can go on the internet and see stuff without leaving my home."
    "Right, but traveling is an experience of more than just seeing things. There's people, food, atmosphere, music..."
    "Why would I waste my time and money traveling?"

    These are just a few examples. It seems like every time we meet up, he has convinced himself that his way is the only correct way, and there is absolutely no merit in anything anyone else suggests.

    But here is where our hearts are: The world is a huge place. There is an almost infinite selection of music, food, culture, entertainment, sports, locations, people, experiences. People should be open to experiencing some of that to become a more well-rounded person and more connected and aware. To shut the door on that bounty is a hard thing to comprehend, and his attitude is actually the predictable outcome of someone who is not well-rounded.

    Thanks, I guess I'm venting, but wouldn't mind hearing from others on opinions and if they had to deal with this.

  • #2
    Don't have anything to add...other than to say this is a good posting.
    james.c.hendrickson@gmail.com
    202.468.6043

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    • #3
      I get to see a pretty diverse profile of people from across the country in the military, so I've definitely interacted with ALOT of these sort of people. By and large, most of the people who have that mindset grew up never leaving their home state, or perhaps even their home town/city + the immediately surrounding area...happens both in big urban centers (NYC, LA, Houston, etc.) and small, rural areas (farm/ranch country & the communities around them). Exploration is a mindset. If you grow up thinking that everything you need and want is within close reach, why bother going elsewhere & doing otherwise? Some folks will see the big wide world, and discover they love to explore it and all of the interesting stuff available. Others will see it all, and only become more insular and try to shut out the "big world." It's not necessarily wrong... it's just that their mindset doesn't value it.

      My advice: live and let live. If they're satisfied/happy with their life, let it be. You're not going to change their mind. Feel free to talk about all of the fun stuff you do, but don't try to pressure them into doing the same. Perhaps they'll eventually find something that sparks their interest, and they'll go after it. But you can't force a horse to drink.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by kork13 View Post
        I get to see a pretty diverse profile of people from across the country in the military, so I've definitely interacted with ALOT of these sort of people. By and large, most of the people who have that mindset grew up never leaving their home state, or perhaps even their home town/city + the immediately surrounding area...happens both in big urban centers (NYC, LA, Houston, etc.) and small, rural areas (farm/ranch country & the communities around them). Exploration is a mindset. If you grow up thinking that everything you need and want is within close reach, why bother going elsewhere & doing otherwise? Some folks will see the big wide world, and discover they love to explore it and all of the interesting stuff available. Others will see it all, and only become more insular and try to shut out the "big world." It's not necessarily wrong... it's just that their mindset doesn't value it.

        My advice: live and let live. If they're satisfied/happy with their life, let it be. You're not going to change their mind. Feel free to talk about all of the fun stuff you do, but don't try to pressure them into doing the same. Perhaps they'll eventually find something that sparks their interest, and they'll go after it. But you can't force a horse to drink.
        This. I am a bit miffed often at people who've never lived outside a city. They have no idea about life outside their stupid bubble. It's actually freaking annoying when they don't get a lot of their privilege. Sigh. I know so many. They have no idea what it means to even be poor or not from a 'city'. The more you've moved or seen or experienced by far increases your empathy and your mind. But so many only see what they know.

        Just smile and nod. I do. I gave up a long time ago talking to people who have no idea about the world outside their bubble. FWIW, I don't have many friends or experiences in rural america (I suspect it's the same) except the values are different. Their judgment of "city" dwellers is likely the same as the city dwellers of them. sigh. We'd be better off if we all just experienced the other person's shoes for a day.
        LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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        • #5
          It's false to assume that just because you enjoy something, that someone else will too, or worse, that they should enjoy something. It's also not fair to assume they haven't tried enough of something, and if they would just try more, that they will grow to like it too. It's their decision and criteria for deciding.

          It sounds like your buddy may not enjoy the world in the same way that you do, and that's OK. If he's an acquaintance, seems simple enough to move on or find company that you're more in-tune with?

          History will judge the complicit.

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          • #6
            Thanks everyone.

            My take on this is that society has the opportunity to improve once people understand more about others, and this includes cultures. We have a lot of "Inclusion and Diversity" training materializing at work, and for good reason: a diverse workforce benefits the same way a diverse ecosystem does. Traveling or listening to music are 2 very simple ways to get very basic exposure to differences, and you can bring that into your life to bring more value to yourself and others.

            The opposite is what I described, where someone closes all doors that lead to new experiences and thinking.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by ua_guy View Post
              It's false to assume that just because you enjoy something, that someone else will too, or worse, that they should enjoy something. It's also not fair to assume they haven't tried enough of something, and if they would just try more, that they will grow to like it too. It's their decision and criteria for deciding.

              It sounds like your buddy may not enjoy the world in the same way that you do, and that's OK. If he's an acquaintance, seems simple enough to move on or find company that you're more in-tune with?
              Understood and agreed 100%. Some people are happy with 2 colors, 1 music genre, 2 food groups, and 1 type of movie. Others enjoy variety. Different strokes.

              If someone hits the brakes after trying just 1 thing and won't even entertain trying something else, I think we can agree that they are entitled to do so, and they are also leaving a lot on the table that could be enjoyed as well.

              The last piece of advice you gave is good, but not possible in this case.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ua_guy View Post
                It's false to assume that just because you enjoy something, that someone else will too, or worse, that they should enjoy something. It's also not fair to assume they haven't tried enough of something, and if they would just try more, that they will grow to like it too.
                I agree with your first sentence. I don't necessarily agree with the second.

                Let's use the Breaking Bad example. There have been many, many TV shows where I wasn't terribly impressed by the first episode, or even the first 3 or 4 episodes, but I stuck with it because many people I respect told me to and promised I would like it - and I did. Some of my all-time favorite shows fall into that category. You need to give something a fair shot before declaring you don't like it.

                In college, I was a big vodka drinker. I had a good friend who swore she hated vodka. I kept on her to try it and finally got her to taste a drink I made. Guess what? She really liked it. From then on, she would come over and we would hang out and drink screwdrivers and eat Doritos together until the wee hours of the morning. It wasn't that she didn't like vodka. She just didn't like whatever vodka she had tasted one time and in her mind decided that meant all vodka was bad.

                How do I deal with folks like this? It really depends on the relationship. In my vodka example, she was someone I really cared about and enjoyed spending time with and since vodka was something I enjoyed, I tried to cultivate her enjoyment of it too. If it was just some random coworker or casual acquaintance, I probably wouldn't push the issue. To each his own. Life's too short. You have to choose your battles.
                Steve

                * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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                • #9
                  Your acquaintance does sound a bit on the negative side. He could say, oh sounds interesting tell me more about it or something like that to be pleasant since you are interested. However, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to watch Breaking Bad. If you enjoy it fine, but not something I have any interest to watch particularly. Maybe I would like it but never have even watched one episode nor do I desire to spend my time trying to watch any of it.

                  Opera is an acquired taste I think. My daughter and I enjoy going to the symphony. We both play several instruments. My spouse isn't a musically inclined person so he wouldnt' enjoy it. That doesnt' make his preference wrong or bad. It's just not his taste or thing.

                  But, I do think your acquaintance could be more pleasant and doesnt' have to go about raining on other's parades.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by JoeP View Post
                    There is an almost infinite selection of music, food, culture, entertainment, sports, locations, people, experiences. People should be open to experiencing some of that to become a more well-rounded person and more connected and aware. To shut the door on that bounty is a hard thing to comprehend, and his attitude is actually the predictable outcome of someone who is not well-rounded.
                    Actually, it's kind of close minded of you to assume your way is the only way.
                    Different stroke for different folks.

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                    • #11
                      Maybe you need a new friend.
                      Your acquaintance can be as different or as close minded as you perceive him to be.
                      He probably isn't going to change.
                      You're either going to be incredibly frustrated every time that you are around him, or you are going to seek out people more aligned with your tastes and interests.

                      Brian

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by JoeP View Post
                        Understood and agreed 100%. Some people are happy with 2 colors, 1 music genre, 2 food groups, and 1 type of movie. Others enjoy variety. Different strokes.

                        If someone hits the brakes after trying just 1 thing and won't even entertain trying something else, I think we can agree that they are entitled to do so, and they are also leaving a lot on the table that could be enjoyed as well.

                        The last piece of advice you gave is good, but not possible in this case.
                        Workplace D&I training certainly changes the context. I would also say D&I is not about changing people but rather learning to live with them and appreciate the talent they bring to the table - at least for corporate purposes. They want to avoid lawsuits and get good attention for being diverse and inclusive.

                        History will judge the complicit.

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                        • #13
                          I have been to operas - I saw some of the Ring Cycle, I have tried to listen to numerous operas but I do not like them. I do not have the attention span for it; some of the operas had supra-titles in English, still didn't like them. We are all different.

                          I recently realized that people can listen to a complete song from beginning to end whereas I can't; hell, I have not even been able to listen to Wild Thing all the way through. I have no attention span, sigh.
                          I YQ YQ R

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                          • #14
                            What circumstances can you imagine where his views make perfect sense ... for him? Seek first to understand.

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                            • #15
                              If you enjoy a wide variety of books (and you really should --- kidding), including picture books, check out the Last Stop On Market Street.

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