I am not a big social media user. There are many reasons for this, but for now, let’s just say I use it as required for my job, and that’s about it. And when I see how much social media warps spending and saving habits, I’m darn determined to keep it that way. There are plenty of ways social media and influencers damage your finances. The pressure to keep up with the Joneses. FOMO and the hype machine. Sponsored and branded content encouraging you to consume. Driving feelings of inadequacy that lead people to spend for relief. That’s the tip of a very deep iceberg. But what I see lately is confusion among my friends about what, exactly, they owe to influencers. That confusion is leading some to spend unnecessarily, largely from guilt.
The Influencer Guilt Trip
Influencers often guilt you into spending money on the products they endorse. Sometimes the guilt trip is subtle. The influencer posts lots of personal content to draw you into their world. Their kids, spouses, pets, and home all feature prominently. They tell you their hopes and dreams. Maybe they interact in the comments, giving even more personal information.
Over time, you start to feel like you know this person. When the pitch comes, “Buy my product,” or, “Support me on ____ (Patreon, GoFundMe, etc.),” you’re primed. You want to support this person. They have become your “friend,” or they feel like extended family. And no one likes to say no to a friend or family member. You don’t want this person to be disappointed in you. You’re friends, and friends help friends! They don’t let each other down. So what do you do? You pony up the money for the product on offer.
Other times the guilt trip is more blatant. The influencer talks about their financial or personal struggles. They tell some sob story about how the money from this business they’re running will pay the mortgage, cover their medical bills, or pay for their kid’s schooling. Again, you’ve become invested in this person’s life so when they ask you to buy something, you’re ready to help! Of course, you’ll buy the product. You don’t want Junior tossed out of school!
The trouble is this: First, you can’t know if any of this is true. The influencer may just be telling you all of this stuff to draw you into a sales pitch. They may not have kids, pets, or anything else. The life that looks so appealing and friendly may be a stage set. They may not be ill and are simply using the tale as a way to sucker you in. You have no real way of knowing. (Incidentally, it’s not a bad life policy to assume that everything on social media is a lie until proven otherwise.)
Second, even if any of it is true, these people are not your real friends and family. No matter how much you feel like you “know” them, you don’t. Even if you’ve seen them speak or appear in person, they still aren’t real friends or family. They are salespeople, hawking a product or subscription. They want your money, likes, and clicks and that’s it. It is not your obligation to support them, and you shouldn’t fear that they will somehow be disappointed in you if you don’t buy what they’re selling. The chances are very high that they never even think of you at all. If they do, you’re part of an aggregate group of “customers” or “subscribers” that they are simply trying to milk for as much as possible. It is not a personal relationship, it’s a transactional relationship. Your real friends and family are elsewhere.
What You Can Do
First, remember that influencers are not your friends or family. (Unless they actually are, in which case you have a thornier problem, see below.) No matter how often they try to make you feel for them or their family, you owe them nothing. You have to put your own needs first and if you can’t afford what they’re selling, or you don’t need or want it, you cannot and should not “help” the influencer.
Second, remember that the influencer is just as much a business as Target or Walmart. The scale might be smaller, but it’s the same thing. They have products to sell, and they need to convince you to buy. Evaluate anything on offer with the same critical eye that you apply to any other transaction. Do you need it? Want it? Can you afford it (without jeopardizing anything else)? Do you know exactly what you will do with it? Are you clear on the benefits and ongoing costs of any subscription? If the answer to any of this is no, click away from the TikTok, video, or tweet.
Third, get offline. If you’re confusing a YouTube or TikTok personality with real friends and family, it’s time to get into the real world for a while. Go visit your real-life friends or family. Volunteer somewhere like an animal shelter or nursing home. Take a class, join a meetup or hobby group, or try a new church and meet new people. It’s easy in these times to isolate yourself online, but that’s not healthy. Besides, when you’re out and about with real people, the urge to buy whatever online will fade. Keeping busy keeps consumption down. After a while, you’ll forget about that social media personality because your life will be full of real people.
What If You Actually Do Know These People?
Every so often a case will arise when you do know an influencer. (Or someone doing direct sales where they host house parties and invite you over to listen while they hawk the merchandise. It’s not that different from influencing except it’s done in person, locally.) It’s worse when you do know the people doing the selling because it becomes much harder to avoid them.
Simply unfollowing their channel won’t help as they’ll see you at the holidays or in the grocery store and ask you how you liked the last video, or if you could mention their products to your friends, or if you’d be willing to come over and look at some new products. You’ll hear at every gathering how much they hope their business takes off so they can buy a new house or car. You’ll start to feel guilty and wonder if by not buying something you’re dooming your sister to eat dog food in retirement. Oh, boy.
Ignoring it or saying no can get you branded as a jerk. While that’s no real trouble online, it makes family and friend groups awkward. In this case, you first have to decide how much you value the relationship. Is this someone who, other than the selling, you want in your life? Do you get value from the relationship, or do you feel like you’re being used? If it’s not a good relationship, then say no or ignore it and let the chips fall where they may. If this is a relationship you want to keep, you may have to act like you care about their business, at least a little bit.
Knowing the influencer still doesn’t mean you have to buy anything
You’re still not obligated to support these people financially, especially if your financial foundation isn’t that stable. (Unless your culture demands it and then, well, you need more help than I can give you. Sorry.) You can support in other ways.
Maybe you offer to mention their products to other people. (And then never do, if you don’t want to.) Or you watch their content so you can make some nice comments at dinner, and then change the subject. Perhaps you attend their party and buy one small thing as a token of support, or you drop a small amount into their virtual tip jar. You can also offer to help them out in other ways. Offer to babysit so your sister can edit her new video. If you have any skills like website design or social media optimization, offer to help. Do her taxes if that’s your thing, or offer to help make appetizers for her next sales party. Not all help and support has to involve money.
If you’re being nice about it and the person tells you to do more, that your help isn’t enough, then it might be time to rethink the relationship. Their finances are their problem, not yours. Anyone who tries to turn you into a customer rather than a friend is a “friend” you don’t need.
The bottom line is this: Don’t confuse influencers with people you know. Don’t let them draw you to the point where you feel like you “have” to support their endeavors. You never need to feel guilty for saying no, ignoring the appeal, or hitting the unsubscribe/unfollow button. And if you do know them, there are ways to preserve the relationship without screwing up your finances.
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Jennifer Derrick is a freelance writer, novelist and children’s book author. When she’s not writing Jennifer enjoys running marathons, playing tennis, boardgames and reading pretty much everything she can get her hands on. You can learn more about Jennifer at: https://jenniferderrick.com/.
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