I had a friend in college who was the oldest of three kids. Her parents had set aside $15,000 per child to contribute to their college educations. (This was a few decades ago, so the money covered more tuition than it does now!) The catch is that two kids went to college, but the middle one did not. Since he chose not to go to college, the middle child asked for his money to buy a brand-new car, and his parents gave it to him. This begs the question, should you evenly match financial contributions to your children?
My husband and I have three children, and we grapple with this question, as do most parents.
Why You Should Evenly Match Financial Contributions to Your Children
Those in favor of even matches argue that the siblings will not be jealous of one another since they each get the same amount of money.
These types of parents like to keep all things equal and would agree that if you paid $15,000 for two children to go to college, the other child is entitled to $15,000 even if he didn’t go to college.
Why You Shouldn’t Evenly Match Financial Contributions to Your Children
On the other hand, some parents don’t like their children “keeping score.” These parents argue that no matter what you do, your children will likely always say their siblings got more. That’s just what happens with siblings.
Or, they argue that they give what they can when their child has a need. For instance, they may give $8,000 to one child to help pay for a wedding. The other child may get $7,000 when she needs help buying a car. These parents recognize that children have different needs and fairness isn’t always equal.
How We Approach the Issue as Parents
We have three children. One is in college; the other two are in middle school. We have a set amount that we are giving the oldest to pay for his college education. However, our younger kids will enter college five and six years after their brother. We will give them slightly more for their college education to account for inflation. The oldest could argue that isn’t fair, but we would say that it isn’t fair for the younger two to get the same amount he did because that amount doesn’t cover as much tuition after six years. Fair doesn’t always mean equal.
Final Thoughts
Determining if you should evenly match financial contributions to your children is a personal choice. Just as there are many different ways to parent, there are many ways to handle money decisions.
However, remember that when your children are grown, you are not obligated to give them money. You can choose to, but you don’t have to. For some parents, after raising their children to adulthood, they rightly focus on themselves and securing and enjoying their own financial future.
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Melissa is a freelance writer and virtual assistant. She earned her Master’s from Southern Illinois University, and her Bachelor’s in English from the University of Michigan. When she’s not working, you can find her homeschooling her kids, reading a good book, or cooking.
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