wedding/honey moon/house down payment

[Magic Johnson]

Which categories are you working on?

Food, fuel, and debt.

Except they’re all increasing due to forces beyond my control, namely Vladimir Putin and my ex wife.

[Magic Johnson]

I told my fiance tonight about my decision to not go on the Caribbean vacation. It didn't go well, but it was a conversation we had to have.

[myrdale]

I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with this thread more closely. I've took a few minutes to read through it all this morning. It sounds like there are quite a few positive things happening.

The decision to postpone the trip is definitely a hard one, but it is the correct thing to have done.

I have probably missed it, but I haven't see a reference to income. I did see a mention for a part time second job / side hustle, so good work there! Could there be a plan for increasing your income from your primary job? If you could be earning 25% more this time next year how greatly could that affect your situation.

I saw a mention of the ex-wife dropping your bottle collection off. Regardless of all of the other facts in matter, they came back in one piece. Personally I would write her a simple thank you letter, brief, sincere, and to the point to let her know that you appreciate her doing this for you. Maybe she never opens the letter, maybe she tares it up and throws it away. Maybe it pisses her off to no end. But maybe it smooths things over some and is positive reinforcement for the next time you need to interact.

I do like you buying a house. Just not this minute. Get all of your debt paid off. If you can save up $10k for a down payment on the $50k house and an additional $10k emergency fund BEFORE the purchase that would be huge. I wouldn't plan on doing $50k of repairs the first year. I would budget out what is reasonable (maybe it is $5k) and work from there.

I still support the idea of ya'll getting married sooner rather than later. Personally I'd say October or November of this year.

Pay cash for everything. You mentioned saving up. You mentioned the requirements (photographer, dress, flowers). Rather than letting these be some nebulous idea, get a notebook and ya'll write the budge out. It's just ink, it can and probably will change before the wedding, but it is written down. On the next page keep a tally of the savings account. Every month when you stick another $100 in that account, open up the notebook and write "+$100 = $xxxx" or something of the like.

One of your replies a couple of pages back sounded like you were getting pretty frustrated. I'm really glad to see you're still sticking it out. In five years you'll have an opportunity to respond to someone who is in the same spot you're in today and you'll be able to tell them how you improved it.

[Magic Johnson]

I have probably missed it, but I haven't see a reference to income. I did see a mention for a part time second job / side hustle, so good work there! Could there be a plan for increasing your income from your primary job? If you could be earning 25% more this time next year how greatly could that affect your situation.

I saw a mention of the ex-wife dropping your bottle collection off. Regardless of all of the other facts in matter, they came back in one piece. Personally I would write her a simple thank you letter, brief, sincere, and to the point to let her know that you appreciate her doing this for you. Maybe she never opens the letter, maybe she tares it up and throws it away. Maybe it pisses her off to no end. But maybe it smooths things over some and is positive reinforcement for the next time you need to interact.

My monthly income from my regular job is about $4550 (salary) and my part-time job is about $1100 (hourly). I just started my regular job last October, and I am learning. I won't be eligible for a promotion for at least 3 and up to 5 or so years from now. If I do get a promotion, I'd be making in the $80-$100K range then, but I'm simply not qualified for a promotion right now.

I can't send my ex a thank you letter, because she has an existing Personal Protective Order against me. I assure you that it is unfounded, and she filed it just to punish me for having a girlfriend (she doesn't know that my girlfriend is really my fiance). But that's the mystery of what's going on. She won't drop the PPO, but she gave me my milk bottles. This past Monday she dropped off some important paperwork for me that was accidentally sent to her house.

[Magic Johnson]

A bit more than 25% of what I make goes to my ex-wife as child support (I know it goes to my kids, but it is deposited into her account). 25% is just a number. I work four days a week part-time at that factory. One of those days I work for her.

I'm working 60 hours a week, and I know that lots of people out there work lots more. I don't want to sound like I'm whining. Also, two people who work at that factory went out of their way to help me get this part-time job, that has exceptional flexibility. So, I owe them a commitment of at least a few months working there.

That being said. I can't keep up this pace indefinitely.

Why not raid my retirement fund again, like I did last December, pay the tax and penalty, wipe out my debt, and start saving EF, then down payment for a house, then build retirement again?

I know that 65 year old or 70 year old me will want to come back and kick 50 year old me's hind end. But right now, the way I see it, I can pay my ex or I can pay the tax/penalty.

What say you Saving Advice?

[myrdale]

I am of the opinion that you should never touch retirement savings. There are tax penalties you'll have to pay, but more than that it is a loss of potential for what that money will grow.

To say that you will not be eligible for a promotion for 5 years seems outlandish. It may be worth checking the job market in your spare time to see what else is available. And it's easy for me to brag about working 80 hours a week, but I was 20 and it was only for a couple of months in the summer. If you're getting 60 hours a week, that is a really good showing.

My only experience with PPO is stories from a friend. The system is abused. Don't play the victim card (I'm not suggesting you are). Be the adult in the situation. If she insults you to your face, politely tell her she is right and you're working on it. Also never tear her down around the kids, if anything build her up when she comes up in conversation. Lastly be the man she regrets divorcing.

I don't know if I mentioned it to you or not, but either order from Amazon, or go down to your local library and find a copy of Dale Carnegie's "How To Stop Worrying And Start Living". Two other books that stand to help you with your future interactions with the ex are "How to Win Friends & Influence People" and Chris Voss's "Never Split The Difference".

[scfr]

Food, fuel, and debt.

Except they’re all increasing due to forces beyond my control, namely Vladimir Putin and my ex wife.

Yep - There's plenty beyond your control. Focusing on what is within your control, what changes are you making to reduce expense in those categories? Are you changing what you eat to less expensive foods without sacrificing nutrition? Changing driving habits?

[Magic Johnson]

I am of the opinion that you should never touch retirement savings. There are tax penalties you'll have to pay, but more than that it is a loss of potential for what that money will grow.

To say that you will not be eligible for a promotion for 5 years seems outlandish. It may be worth checking the job market in your spare time to see what else is available. And it's easy for me to brag about working 80 hours a week, but I was 20 and it was only for a couple of months in the summer. If you're getting 60 hours a week, that is a really good showing.

My only experience with PPO is stories from a friend. The system is abused. Don't play the victim card (I'm not suggesting you are). Be the adult in the situation. If she insults you to your face, politely tell her she is right and you're working on it. Also never tear her down around the kids, if anything build her up when she comes up in conversation. Lastly be the man she regrets divorcing.

I don't know if I mentioned it to you or not, but either order from Amazon, or go down to your local library and find a copy of Dale Carnegie's "How To Stop Worrying And Start Living". Two other books that stand to help you with your future interactions with the ex are "How to Win Friends & Influence People" and Chris Voss's "Never Split The Difference".

I was unemployed a year ago right now. I was fortunate to land my job last October at age 48. I work for the USDA/NRCS. The job I’ll be eligible for in 3-5 years is District Conservationist. I’m honestly not ready for the job right now. I see what my DC does, and I have a lot of learning about NRCS policy, and conservation contracts before I’ll be able to do his job. The DC in a neighboring county will be ready to retire in about 3-5 years. I want her job when she retires (probably do at least two of my colleagues that I can think of).

There is a 0.0% chance that I will go looking for a job in the private sector, because I was doing exactly that one year ago right now. The private sector soundly rejected me. The only job I was able to land is at the factory where I am now working part-time after hours.

If I am patient, and work hard (and play the right politics with my superiors) I can land an $80-$100K job in 3-5 years. That’s not in the least bit outlandish.

[Magic Johnson]

Yep - There's plenty beyond your control. Focusing on what is within your control, what changes are you making to reduce expense in those categories? Are you changing what you eat to less expensive foods without sacrificing nutrition? Changing driving habits?

I’ve previously chronicled in this thread my recent experience with cheap Walmart bacon (which I will never buy again). This morning I cracked open my first packet of cheap Walmart tuna, which I prepared for today’s lunch. I haven’t tasted it yet, but I could tell by the way that it crumbled whilst mixing it with the mayo and dill relish that it is an inferior product.

I bet it tastes like crap too.

I’ve decided to take the following position. I eat out WAY less than I used to. I’m making my own meals now. I’m not going to purchase cheap, crappy food that tastes bad. I’m going to buy the good stuff, and prepare it myself. Because I’m 49 years old, and you only live once.

[mumof2]

I can't send my ex a thank you letter, because she has an existing Personal Protective Order against me. She won't drop the PPO, but she gave me my milk bottles. This past Monday she dropped off some important paperwork for me that was accidentally sent to her house.

If she has a PPO why is she dropping things off at your house...she can get you in trouble for that...she be careful

As for your food budget, do you write a weekly menu?, not sure how often you do your grocery shopping but we usually do it fortnightly then just keep some money for milk bread, fruit etc (perishables) so we write up a menu and just write what we need on the list, go get it we have the menu up on the fridge so each night we are cooking we get the next night dinner stuff out (meat from freezer etc) so it is ready for the next night...it works good for us, we have what we need..which means no extra trips to the store so not buying unnecessary things...might be worth trying...or maybe you can take 1 day a week and meals that you can freeze so they are ready to heat up when you get home....good luck...having a budget really helps

[scfr]

I’ve previously chronicled in this thread my recent experience with cheap Walmart bacon (which I will never buy again). This morning I cracked open my first packet of cheap Walmart tuna, which I prepared for today’s lunch. I haven’t tasted it yet, but I could tell by the way that it crumbled whilst mixing it with the mayo and dill relish that it is an inferior product.

I bet it tastes like crap too.

I’ve decided to take the following position. I eat out WAY less than I used to. I’m making my own meals now. I’m not going to purchase cheap, crappy food that tastes bad. I’m going to buy the good stuff, and prepare it myself. Because I’m 49 years old, and you only live once.

Do you consider bacon a frugal food choice? I don't. You don't need to eat cheap crappy food that tastes bad. What you might want to do is think of more frugal (different from cheap) alternative food choices rather than the same foods with just switching to store brand. For protein, what about beans, legumes, nuts or nut butters, greek yogurt, soy, eggs, oatmeal?

[Magic Johnson]

Do you consider bacon a frugal food choice? I don't. You don't need to eat cheap crappy food that tastes bad. What you might want to do is think of more frugal (different from cheap) alternative food choices rather than the same foods with just switching to store brand. For protein, what about beans, legumes, nuts or nut butters, greek yogurt, soy, eggs, oatmeal?

That’s a good thought about bacon not being frugal. The same is true with boxed cereal, isn’t it? Whether Kellogg’s or store brand, it’s not the frugal choice.

[scfr]

That’s a good thought about bacon not being frugal. The same is true with boxed cereal, isn’t it? Whether Kellogg’s or store brand, it’s not the frugal choice.

I like the way you are thinking! I think store brand round-oats cereal comes close, but they're not to everyone's taste. Cheerios contains sugar. Great Value (Walmart store brand) doesn't. So they don't taste the same. I eat the W brand periodically with some homemade granola sprinkled on top. I like wheat toast with Almond Butter (Costco store brand) and some fruit spread. Super easy. Or steel cut oats that I cook up in advance in a pot and freeze in individual portions so I just have to pop it in the microwave and then I top it with some chopped nuts and frozen fruit. Or plain greek yogurt with a spoonful of fruit spread or fresh fruit I may have on hand. Those are some ideas that work for me. But I don't expect everyone to like them.

The trick is to figuring out what you like . . . no need to deprive yourself, just be a bit flexible and creative.

[Fishindude77]

If you have any space available where you live, grow a garden for cheap, high quality good eats.

[Magic Johnson]

If you have any space available where you live, grow a garden for cheap, high quality good eats.

I don’t have the option of having a garden at my place, but my fiancé does. We’re planting it this weekend.