Weddings?

[stoney508]

Right now me I am in the middle of planning a wedding and its a little less than a year out. We both want low key but not super low so we decided between 4-5k not sure if parents are going to help out so we are planning on paying everything if they help thats great but we are not looking at getting anything paid for.

[Scanner]

I"m the father of 3 boys. I'm budgeting for the bar tab and pre-rehearsal dinner.

[stoney508]

we have been told from both sides they will help out but we have decided that we dont expect much I believe my parents will help with the rehersal and her parents may help with the chapel or reception. I hope they will help but I am not relying on them by any means and if we did get money it would go towards a honeymoon in the future or savings for a down payment on a house.

[disneysteve]

I think that unless you are married at 18, right out of high school, you should pay for part of the wedding.

I was just shy of 28 when I got married. I was still in my residency earning next to nothing. Had we needed to pay for our own wedding, it would have been a private ceremony in my Rabbi's office and maybe dinner for the immediate family.

it never fails to amaze me how often the wedding is a social event for the parents who invite every aquaintence they've ever met, even if they don't know the bride and groom.

Yep, that was our wedding. Her parents invited everyone they worked with at the time, everyone they worked with at previous jobs, current neighbors, former neighbors, etc. Most of those people had never met either of us. Definitely not the wedding that she or I would have chosen. At the same time, they tried to limit how many family members I could invite or how many friends the two of us could have. That was a battle. The fact that we were the ones getting married didn't seem to matter.

[shaggy]

Her parents invited everyone they worked with at the time, everyone they worked with at previous jobs, current neighbors, former neighbors, etc. Most of those people had never met either of us. Definitely not the wedding that she or I would have chosen. At the same time, they tried to limit how many family members I could invite or how many friends the two of us could have. That was a battle. The fact that we were the ones getting married didn't seem to matter.

My parents would have been equally difficult re: the guest list. Only one of my sisters had a big wedding, and the rest of us saw how awful it was, so we all eloped.

[disneysteve]

Only one of my sisters had a big wedding, and the rest of us saw how awful it was

There's nothing bad about a big wedding. That didn't bother us at all. What bothered us was 40 or 50 people in the room who we had never met. I would have loved to have a room filled with more friends and family. Our wedding was terrific but it definitely was partially a show put on by her parents.

[shaggy]

There's nothing bad about a big wedding. That didn't bother us at all. What bothered us was 40 or 50 people in the room who we had never met. I would have loved to have a room filled with more friends and family. Our wedding was terrific but it definitely was partially a show put on by her parents.

I was referring to how awful my parents made that particular wedding. I have nothing against big weddings in general.

[elessar78]

When my mom and step-dad got married, it was a nice intimate ceremony. Just the kids and grand-kids and their best friends on each side. The reception was a very nice dinner in a large dining room in a hotel. Probably cost a fraction of what we paid for the 200 some guests at our wedding.

My problem with my wedding, which our parents jointly paid for, was that it was a blur. I don't remember anything. I much rather have that small gathering and have been able to interact with the people there.

I'm all for smaller stuff. I'm all about rethinking what we feel is "necessary" is in this society.

[romavia]

I am agreeing with you, in fact I really love your thought. Now a day we have very less amount of the ones who thought very maturely and realistic. As there is no law passed in any county that a girl should have to bring a lot of things with her for the ease of in-laws.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Why do you need a big wedding after having a kid? At that point the horse escaped the barn and closing the door is moot.

[fruitbowlk]

I belive a child should pay for their own wedding and if they can't afford it then keep it small and very simple. My father in law paid for ours but it was by choice we would have gladly went to the justice of the peace. A wedding should be for the two people and not to impress family and so called friends. You can always throw a nice party afterwards.

[thomasdan]

My wife and I had a destination wedding in ITaly. with about 10 people total including us.

We orignally wanted to have a wedding here in town*(orange county, Ca). After taking everything in consideration with 300 plus guest, venue, food, photography, decoration, etc.. it was just to expensive. we saved up for almost 1 and half years. both our family are in a finicial place where they could not help.

we orignally wanted to do our honeymoon in Italy. we both were playing around saying "why dont we just get married over there" both of us laughing and then realize "WHY NOT"? who cares about the big wedding and the show for everyone?

we emailed a bunch of wedding planners in ITaly and got a great quote. the 8 guest paid for the flight and hotel. and we paid for everything else for them.*(excursion, food, WINE) ETC

LONG STORY SHORT,

my wife and i were in Italy for 3 weeks. plus did 1 more week on a cruise through the greek isle.

everything including spending money was still less than having a wedding in orange county.
best decision we've made together.. PLUS NO STRESS!!!!

[hamchan]

Why do you need a big wedding after having a kid? At that point the horse escaped the barn and closing the door is moot.

Because weddings are about a marriage between two people, and not the end of virginity. I did not have a large wedding or anything, but this POV smacks me as a little misogynist. I would not have had a wedding for my second marriage at all, except my daughter really wanted me to.

[dojo]

I am not having a wedding myself (we just go sign the papers and then give our closest friends a meal/drink at a restaurant), so, if she find this is important for her, she can pay for it. I'd rather help with college funds, than pay for a day of 'fun'

[EarlyRetirementJoy]

We provided a set amount of $5,000. They could blow it on the wedding, the honeymoon, or stick it all in the bank. No strings were attached, other than we wanted to be present at the ceremony. (One daughter briefly considered elopement, which I only then realized would break our hearts.)

I don't understand expensive weddings, and never will. I do understand the value of a college education, and that is where our money was directed on their behalf. Because we spent so much putting them through college, I have no concerns or guilt in limiting our wedding contribution as such.