Sacrificing for kids

[feh]

So much of the rising costs really have nothing to do with educational costs.

Also - cost of public schools is increasing due to less aid from the state (at least where I live).

[Barclay]

There has also been an "arms race" of sorts among colleges. They build and build and expand and upgrade to outdo the competition. The result is much higher operating costs. When I was in school, we had a very basic gym. During my 4 years, they built a beautiful state of the art fitness center. Soon after I graduated, they added a "natatorium" - fancy word for a swimming pool. Since then, they've totally renovated the fitness center. We already had a nationally recognized theater program which accomplished that despite very modest facilities. So of course they spent millions to expand and upgrade the theater, set shop, dressing rooms, lobby, etc. Dorms have gone from pretty barebones arrangements to something rivaling luxury hotels.

So much of the rising costs really have nothing to do with educational costs.

This is true for my alma mater as well. And every time I visit, not a single person in the multi-million dollar pool or fitness center.

[Redraidernurse]

"You don't pay for daycare if you don't work"

Actually, I have quite a few friends who are stay-at-home-moms who put their child in daycare 2 or 3 days a week. I was surprised when I first heard about this, but I think it must be a growing trend because I have heard about it from quite a few women now.

[MonkeyMama]

"You don't pay for daycare if you don't work"

Actually, I have quite a few friends who are stay-at-home-moms who put their child in daycare 2 or 3 days a week. I was surprised when I first heard about this, but I think it must be a growing trend because I have heard about it from quite a few women now.

We did this, but there is still a huge difference of "having to" pay for daycare and "choosing to" pay for daycare. Necessity versus luxury. Likewise, the daycare we paid for would have never cut it for working. (Not enough hours; being uber flexible afforded us deep discounts).

[disneysteve]

"You don't pay for daycare if you don't work"

Actually, I have quite a few friends who are stay-at-home-moms who put their child in daycare 2 or 3 days a week. I was surprised when I first heard about this, but I think it must be a growing trend because I have heard about it from quite a few women now.

Definitely. We had our daughter in daycare/preschool from the time she was 2. I think the socialization and education is important. I also think it gave my wife a break and a chance to take care of stuff that was tough to do with a baby attached to her hip. But MonkeyMama is right that it was a choice we made (and pretty much everybody we know made the same choice but it was a personal decision all the same). I'm not sure if I know anybody who didn't put their kids in daycare/preschool.

[MonkeyMama]

As many are touching on, it still largely comes down to parents' ability to say "no." To steer their children in a sensible direction when it comes to college choices. Not writing blank checks to any college. Giving wise financial guidance re: student loans. The lack of this common sense factors greatly in the education bubble.

Honestly, I can't imagine most of my peers advising their kids to approach college as they did. (A lot of really fancy/expensive degrees and minimum wage type jobs). I would hope the tide would turn sooner, but the tide will eventually turn.

Education is very important in our household. Spending a fortune on education is not important to us. We saved enough money with our degrees that we have some wiggle room to splurge a little more on kids' degrees. Our own parents pushed very sensible educations on us, and I Don't see any downside to that.

[momcents]

I suppose that it has to do with past experiences and what is valued. Personally, I have two daughters in an expensive parochial high school. $10K per year per student (the discount is $600). My girls are both brainiacs who have been able to get scholarships (based on academics and financial needs) for 30-50% of their tuition, and then because of our income and family size we receive grants directly from the school and from the Diocese we reside in. It does help that we are very service-oriented and people know us by name because of the work that we do within our parish. My sons (coming up in the next several years) are not as academically strong as the girls (due to LDs, dyslexia, etc). Will we sacrifice to give them the experience that the girls have had at a small school with great values and academics? You bet. I regularly put 10% into savings for retirement. However, we drive older cars (paid for) and are on a stringent spending plan. As long as I don't complain, or worry about what other people do, I feel that I'm fine.

[My English Castle]

Some of it is parents

We have excellent public schools in our neighborhood, and our property taxes reflect how well supported the schools are. Yet despite living near the highest-rated schools in the state, some neighbors send their kids to private school. And it's not a faith-based school, just prestigious. I doubt the children in most of these families stomped their little 5-year-old feet and demanded private school. Many of the parents are very into the prestige of these schools. They want to mix with other parents who make the same decision. Not my thing, but it's not a sacrifice if social climbing is their hobby.

[moneybags]

Yes there are alternatives like living at home and going to community college and if that's what it takes, by all means, do it, but that isn't what we want for our daughter. We want her to be in the best program she can get into at a school that she likes and feels is a good fit for her. And yes, we're willing to make sacrifices to help her accomplish that, just as my parents sacrificed for my education.

My feelings exactly! I see so many people that have nothing saved for college, yet as their kids were growing up, they had an abundance of toys, designer clothes, iphones in junior high school, etc. When you graduate college, you will have your degree/education forever. The same can't be said of the clothes you wore in junior high.

[phantom]

I think it's really hard to make a blanket statement regarding the relevance importance of paying for private grade school education for kids and saving for retirement. The value of private education has a lot to do with how drastically that education really differs from the available public education, and how much the individual kid is likely to benefit from those differences. In other words, certain private schools probably help certain kids a lot, and other private school probably help other kids much less if at all. On the other side of the equation, reducing retirement savings can mean a lot of different things. It might mean not getting to live in a mansion and travel the world in retirement or it might mean relying solely on social security and working till death to avoid starving to death. If you have a kid who can't seem to learn to read in public school, and you can't afford a private school unless you give up your goal of traveling the world in retirement, I think sacrificing retirement savings makes sense. If you have a kid who is doing fine in public school but might do slightly better in private and the only way to afford private school is to save nothing at all for retirement, I think sacrificing retirement savings sounds like a bad idea. Anything in between, probably takes deeper analysis.

It's seldom as simple as "the only way to get my kids the education I want for them is to send them to the most expensive private school around and the only way to afford to do that is to skip saving for retirement." Hiring a tutor, homeschooling, and moving to a different district are all possible, potentially less expensive ways to help a kid without paying for private school, and retirement savings usually is the only place in a budget that could be reduced to free up money.

[~bs]

There has also been an "arms race" of sorts among colleges. They build and build and expand and upgrade to outdo Insteadthe competition. The result is much higher operating costs. When I was in school, we had a very basic gym. During my 4 years, they built a beautiful state of the art fitness center. Soon after I graduated, they added a "natatorium" - fancy word for a swimming pool. Since then, they've totally renovated the fitness center. We already had a nationally recognized theater program which accomplished that despite very modest facilities. So of course they spent millions to expand and upgrade the theater, set shop, dressing rooms, lobby, etc. Dorms have gone from pretty barebones arrangements to something rivaling luxury hotels.

So much of the rising costs really have nothing to do with educational costs.

Of course, if you eliminate having to pay tuition costs ufront (free money), it removes the pressure on the colleges to hold down costs. Instead, they focus on other means to attract students. ... All on the students dime of course... as student loan payment s once they graduate

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I don't expect them to pay for college but I am not sure how to pay 100%. I'd like to think I will try to pay for a state school which while expensive isn't on the same par as private schools. And the problem is making too much to get need scholarships yet not really enough to be able to pay for college without sacrifices.

I guess the other thing is I see it very difficult now to come out even debt free and be not making very much.

[moneybags]

I don't expect them to pay for college but I am not sure how to pay 100%. I'd like to think I will try to pay for a state school which while expensive isn't on the same par as private schools. And the problem is making too much to get need scholarships yet not really enough to be able to pay for college without sacrifices.

I guess the other thing is I see it very difficult now to come out even debt free and be not making very much.

LAL - there are need scholarships and there are merit based scholarships. If your kids are smart, they can get merit based scholarships (which are not based on your income). I know a student that had several full-ride scholarship offers, and he was not at the top of his class or straight As. He applied at schools where he would be at the top of their class, so they lured him with money. Also, many state schools are on par with private schools, some of them are even better.

[breathemusic]

The whole debate of paying for private school and paying for kid's college baffles me. Your experience in school is what you choose to make out of it. You can pay for your kid to go to a private school and they can still get crappy grades if they're a poor student. Or your kids can go to a public school that doesn't have a great rating and if they actually take the initiative to learn something, they'll still walk away with an education. In fact, at least they'll be able to write in their college essay about how they overcame a substandard education system and still managed to thrive and are applying to such great schools.

Same thing with paying for school, kids CAN afford to pay for their own schooling if they actually use their brains and plan for it from the start. I knew my mom couldn't afford to pay for my education before I even entered high school. So I entered high school knowing that I wanted to aim for a 4.0, or as close as I could get, have a few activities, and work part time so that I could get tons of scholarships and save some money. I still managed to attend a school that costs $40k per year and graduated with only $30k in student loans, that I'll have paid off in the next year (graduated in 2008).

I guess my point is that it's not all about buying your kid an education, it's about knowing what you can afford, and what you can accomplish, and setting some life goals and plans. I have a hard time feeling sorry for the kids who didn't give a crap about their grades in high school until it came time to apply for college and they'd screwed themselves over. Too bad, shoulda thought of that ahead of time. Graduated college with $100k in debt when all you wanted to do was be a teacher in a low paying state? Should have used your college brain to think that out a little better.

Our society is babying kids, teens, and college students to not bother to plan for their own futures, and that's no better than giving your kid everything they want growing up. It's crippling them for life. And then I hear people say "well they're just a kid, they can't be expected to think that far ahead." Yes they can, stop babying them.

Sorry, end rant.

[Blessed]

The whole debate of paying for private school and paying for kid's college baffles me. Your experience in school is what you choose to make out of it. You can pay for your kid to go to a private school and they can still get crappy grades if they're a poor student. Or your kids can go to a public school that doesn't have a great rating and if they actually take the initiative to learn something, they'll still walk away with an education. In fact, at least they'll be able to write in their college essay about how they overcame a substandard education system and still managed to thrive and are applying to such great schools.

Same thing with paying for school, kids CAN afford to pay for their own schooling if they actually use their brains and plan for it from the start. I knew my mom couldn't afford to pay for my education before I even entered high school. So I entered high school knowing that I wanted to aim for a 4.0, or as close as I could get, have a few activities, and work part time so that I could get tons of scholarships and save some money. I still managed to attend a school that costs $40k per year and graduated with only $30k in student loans, that I'll have paid off in the next year (graduated in 2008).

I guess my point is that it's not all about buying your kid an education, it's about knowing what you can afford, and what you can accomplish, and setting some life goals and plans. I have a hard time feeling sorry for the kids who didn't give a crap about their grades in high school until it came time to apply for college and they'd screwed themselves over. Too bad, shoulda thought of that ahead of time. Graduated college with $100k in debt when all you wanted to do was be a teacher in a low paying state? Should have used your college brain to think that out a little better.

Our society is babying kids, teens, and college students to not bother to plan for their own futures, and that's no better than giving your kid everything they want growing up. It's crippling them for life. And then I hear people say "well they're just a kid, they can't be expected to think that far ahead." Yes they can, stop babying them.

Sorry, end rant.

Your post makes a lot of sense to me. We do have $ for for college. The kids know what they have. Above that they will need loans. I will be one of the odd balls saying I refuse to live in absolute poverty in retirement so my kids could go to any school they want with no $ limits set. We have limits and we will retire with dignity regardless.

My kids have knows this a long time and the next one to college has worked very hard to have a plan and be set for merit scholarships etc. His goal is to have college $ left after graduation.
We want our kids to have jobs that prepare them for the real world. That is our goal.

Not necessarily on this subject but I do think a lot of parents cripple their kids. I have friends my age ( 40's) that still dont stand on their own two feet financially because their parents have enabled them so long. By this age it is seriously also hurting the parents financially.