What can I do?

[disneysteve]

I also will try to figure out a fair number for my bf to pay but I still don't think it should be half based on what the kids use. Maybe 1/3 or 1/4 of each of the bills not cell or car payment. I think its close to what he's paying now anyway though. What do you all think is fair? I think its probably 1/3 split between me the ex and him?

Let's look at this a different way and see where that gets us.

Your income is $600/week or $2,400/month.
(I'm leaving out the rental income because it will be ending in a few months.)
Each of your two children receive $450/month in child support.
Your bf earns at least $3,000/month. (The actual number is probably more like $3,300 but we'll use $3,000 to be simple.)

That means the total household income is $6,300/month. Of that, you earn 38%, each child earns 7%, and your bf earns 48%.

However, your joint expenses (rent, electric, cable, internet, groceries, and water total $2,390. Your bf is paying $500 which is only 21% of that total. IMO he isn't paying his fair share. You are supporting him from your income. He is one of 4 in the home and is paying less than 1/4 of the costs. Plus, he earns 48% of the household income and is only paying 21% of the expenses.

Bumping him up to 25% would increase his payment from $500 to $600, not a huge change but very easy to explain and justify to him based on these numbers. That would be $1,200/year less that you'd be spending to support him.

Honestly, I think he should be paying even more than that but at least 25% can be seen as fair since he makes up 25% of the household.

[scfr]

sweetlady2k - Did you call the cable company to change your plan yet? Curious to hear how much you will be saving per month with just that one almost pain-free change.

[sweetlady2k]

Let's look at this a different way and see where that gets us.

Your income is $600/week or $2,400/month.
(I'm leaving out the rental income because it will be ending in a few months.)
Each of your two children receive $450/month in child support.
Your bf earns at least $3,000/month. (The actual number is probably more like $3,300 but we'll use $3,000 to be simple.)

That means the total household income is $6,300/month. Of that, you earn 38%, each child earns 7%, and your bf earns 48%.

However, your joint expenses (rent, electric, cable, internet, groceries, and water total $2,390. Your bf is paying $500 which is only 21% of that total. IMO he isn't paying his fair share. You are supporting him from your income. He is one of 4 in the home and is paying less than 1/4 of the costs. Plus, he earns 48% of the household income and is only paying 21% of the expenses.

Bumping him up to 25% would increase his payment from $500 to $600, not a huge change but very easy to explain and justify to him based on these numbers. That would be $1,200/year less that you'd be spending to support him.

Honestly, I think he should be paying even more than that but at least 25% can be seen as fair since he makes up 25% of the household.

Honestly that is not a problem at all. He would have no problem paying more. Like I said I am the one that came up with the number in the first place. I do see what your saying, but there is no "household" income including him. To me for now this is a roomate type situation. I chose the house I am living in, I suggested him moving in when their lease was up and pulled a dollar amount out of the air based on what he was paying before. When we move we will be splitting the bills 50/50 regardless of child support we have already discussed that. And when we buy a house out there he probably will be paying a larger portion of that since he likely will make much more than me there. He made over 90k there before and while I can transfer anywhere in the country the best year I have had with ths job was 59k pre recession. I will ask if 600 or more is doable for him it should be especially after the mega expensive vehicle is paid for. I do know he has some kind of retirement at work so his net pay every 2 weeks is around 1400.

[sweetlady2k]

sweetlady2k - Did you call the cable company to change your plan yet? Curious to hear how much you will be saving per month with just that one almost pain-free change.

I did call and remove all pay packages other than hbo and my bill should be at 135 now. Which will help.

[disneysteve]

I do see what your saying, but there is no "household" income including him. To me for now this is a roomate type situation.

Fair enough, but my numbers still stand. If you bring in a roommate, that person should be at least covering his costs. Currently, you are subsidizing him by about $100/month.

Even with the lower cable bill (good job on that though I still think you could do better), 25% of costs still comes to $581 so I'd stick with the $600 number which I still think is perfectly fair.

[sweetlady2k]

Fair enough, but my numbers still stand. If you bring in a roommate, that person should be at least covering his costs. Currently, you are subsidizing him by about $100/month.

Even with the lower cable bill (good job on that though I still think you could do better), 25% of costs still comes to $581 so I'd stick with the $600 number which I still think is perfectly fair.

Do you think using my plan to fund the ef using my extra pay will be ok for now. One thing I didn't really say is that for example the last 4 weeks I made take home; 648, 781, 669,745 the 600 a week is a safe number because I never go under that but I also always keep from spending lower than say 200 in checking. So I really do have money I could be saving but I just don't like having it be close at all in checking.

[disneysteve]

Do you think using my plan to fund the ef using my extra pay will be ok for now. One thing I didn't really say is that for example the last 4 weeks I made take home; 648, 781, 669,745 the 600 a week is a safe number because I never go under that

Yes, I think budgeting based on $600/week is a good way to go. Then take anything earned over $600 and put it toward the EF. So just in the last 4 weeks that's $443 into the EF. If your bf increases his "rent" by $100 and your cable bill drops by $65, that makes $608 to savings! Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

[scfr]

Congratulations on reducing the cable bill by $780 per year! Curious to hear what you decide to do about the cells when the contract expires.

I agree with the idea of having a spending plan that is based on the lowest amount you might bring in, and putting any "extra" in to the EF.

Did you ever get an answer about the best place to put your EF, and if you should open a separate account? That's a personal decision based on what works for you. Some of us who are numbers geeks can keep a combined account that serves several purposes, we just track the amounts by category in columns, whether in a computer spreadsheet or the old fashioned paper-and-pencil way. But many people find it easiest to keep a separate physical account for the EF, that is off-limits except for true emergencies. If you decide to do a separate account, just wait until you have enough that you won't incur any bank fees. When you have a larger balance, look in to putting the EF in to a CD. You may earn more interest, and it's there if you ever need it. (Worst case scenario, if you have to cash it in early, you'll pay an interest penalty.)

[scfr]

Even with the lower cable bill (good job on that though I still think you could do better)

Awww ... come on. We could ALL do better!!! What about a little encouragement?

You have cable, don't you? You could get rid of cable and install an antenna.

And I have an antenna and get free OTA TV (supplemented with a $4.99 Netflix plan and free DVDs from the library). I could sell the TV and DVD player and put the money in the bank and spend my free time scouring the ground for dropped coins.

[disneysteve]

Awww ... come on. We could ALL do better!!! What about a little encouragement?

True. I did "good job" after all.

I just think that too many folks have come to view $100+ cable bills as routine bills that will just always be there. There are easy ways to get cable tv and unlimited movies without spending that much. I said earlier that basic cable plus Netflix (disc and streaming plan) will run $35-40 and actually give a much broader selection of movies and tv shows to watch.

Dropping from $200 to $135 is good. Dropping from $135 to $40 would be even better.

[sweetlady2k]

True. I did "good job" after all.

I just think that too many folks have come to view $100+ cable bills as routine bills that will just always be there. There are easy ways to get cable tv and unlimited movies without spending that much. I said earlier that basic cable plus Netflix (disc and streaming plan) will run $35-40 and actually give a much broader selection of movies and tv shows to watch.

Dropping from $200 to $135 is good. Dropping from $135 to $40 would be even better.

Then we can't watch swamp people and diners drive ins and dives! Lol.
Really in the situation I was in with my ex I could see needing to cut back all fluff. When he went to iraq we had over 20 credit cards. My daughter was 7 at the time and we lived off 30 bucks a week in groceries while I paid them off. I just want to save more andstart diverting lots of money to retirement as soon as I get a house. If I get one at age 40 I will be getting a 15 yr mortgage and paying it aggressively so my house is paid in full apon retirement. My pension kicks in at age 55 but I get more if I wait longer. So as long as my company stays strong I should be ok.
I admit I am a convenience shopper I work alot of hours (60+ a week) and sometimes pay more than I should to have things be easier.

[neatdesign]

However, your joint expenses (rent, electric, cable, internet, groceries, and water total $2,390. Your bf is paying $500 which is only 21% of that total. IMO he isn't paying his fair share. You are supporting him from your income. [Your boyfriend] is one of 4 in the home and is paying less than 1/4 of the costs. Plus, he earns 48% of the household income and is only paying 21% of the expenses.

I know I'm late to the party, but I just wanted to say that I totally agree with this.

Suze Orman has discuss this very issue on her show many times, including just recently. She strongly feels that bills should be split proportionally based on what each partner contributes to the household income. You can read about it here:

Suze Orman: How to Split the Bills

Suze on How to Split the Bills with Different Incomes


You said he's offered to pay more anyway, so adjusting how much he contributes shouldn't be a problem for him. And if it is and he balks at the suggestion/request, then that's something you'll need to consider, too.

[sweetlady2k]

I told him this morning that I need to talk to him about money stuff tonight. I got home late last night so didn't really want to go into it until I had some time to discuss it properly. I don't think it will be that big of a deal for him. He is pretty good with his money and has been pushing me a little bit to budget since I was complaining about not being able to save anything. I think that if he realizes the percentage is only 21% he will feel bad and ask me why I didn't make him pay more to begin with. I guess I should have ran the numbers more when we first talked about him moving in, I was married for 13 years and am used to just having all of the money together and didn't really know how to do it separately.

[MoneyTips4U]

Lots of great replies here already. Definitely talk it over with your boyfriend and from how you describe him, it should be just fine to make a new budget and start saving some money for emergency fund and retirement.

Also, I read in an earlier post that you will start to cover your daughter on your insurance soon? I'd assume that that is between $100-$200/month for a young driver. I remember that when I first started driving at 16, I had to pay for insurance and gas if I even wanted to think about driving. Is this a possibility? Perhaps your daughter could find a small job to help out with insurance and/or gas. Paying for a car is a great way to teach financial responsibility at a young age. Don't forget to mention that if she gets in an accident that insurance goes up (so then she can remember to be extra careful when driving).

[sweetlady2k]

Lots of great replies here already. Definitely talk it over with your boyfriend and from how you describe him, it should be just fine to make a new budget and start saving some money for emergency fund and retirement.

Also, I read in an earlier post that you will start to cover your daughter on your insurance soon? I'd assume that that is between $100-$200/month for a young driver. I remember that when I first started driving at 16, I had to pay for insurance and gas if I even wanted to think about driving. Is this a possibility? Perhaps your daughter could find a small job to help out with insurance and/or gas. Paying for a car is a great way to teach financial responsibility at a young age. Don't forget to mention that if she gets in an accident that insurance goes up (so then she can remember to be extra careful when driving).

She is responsible for taking her 8 year old brother to and from school. I told her when she was in middle school that if she made good grades I would buy her a car and I did, but also said I would cover insurance and enough gas for going to school but she would have to pay for any extra gas. She is already incredibly responsible. She is a high school junior who is in a college program she will have her A.A. degree and high school deploma finished at the same time. I leave for work at 3a.m. daily. So for the past 3 years she has gotten herself and her brother up at 5:30 am everyday and made sure he is ready and walks him a mile to his school's before school program and then quickly walks 3 more miles to make it to her school on time. She has watched him every school break since she was 13. The summer she turned from 12 to 13, my brother who is in the Airforce and has two children bought her a plane ticket and had her watch his kids all summer. He also opened her a savings account. She has over 3k in savings from all of her babysitting. I don't think she should even have a job but she wants one so I finally said ok but just on weekends. She's still looking. But she will not have to pay insurance. She also has bought all of her own school clothes and back to school supplies for 3 years. That was actually funny I paid her all summer and fully intended on buying her clothes but she started on her own and I figured hey im just paying her with the money I used to spend on her bts shopping lol.