Say something or keep my mouth shut?

[disneysteve]

Of course say something! It is eating you up inside, and that is not healthy for a marriage.

Yep. I was wondering why you'd even consider not saying anything. This is YOUR money and YOUR future financial well being that is at stake. This decision could negatively affect you for the rest of your life. What you say or how you say it is up to you but to say nothing wouldn't make any sense at all.

[asmom]

I've been in your position. Ironically my DH was studying for PTA also when he "lost his focus". I was working 1 full-time and 1 part-time job because I wanted to support him but the deal was that he hurry up and finish the freakin' degree!

(That was 19 years ago. Back then, it was a 2-year degree with a starting of 40K- funny to see no progress in that field but I'm not surprised because in my 20 years nursing career, I've never even met a PTA so they must not be utilized much. But I digress....)


Anyway, I was exhausted because there seemed to be no end in sight. When I confronted him, he acted like I was nagging him or something so I told him he was going to have to do it on his own which I don't think is unfair seeing as I did both of my degrees on my own. Lo and behold, he decided he didn't want to go back for the degree after all and took a job at the post office which frankly was a better deal for him all the way around.

Bottom line, if they are using PTAs in your area and if he really wants this, then he should go for the PTA, try to get a job at a hospital or in some big healthcare system,go back for the DPT part time and do tuition reimbursement. That won't pay for the whole thing but it will lessen the bite and take some of the burden from you. I wouldn't worry about him starting his career "late". I know 35 or 40 seems old to you youngsters but you will find that there are lots of career changers and late bloomers who are just starting out at that age.

[MonkeyMama]

Bottom line, if they are using PTAs in your area and if he really wants this, then he should go for the PTA, try to get a job at a hospital or in some big healthcare system,go back for the DPT part time and do tuition reimbursement. That won't pay for the whole thing but it will lessen the bite and take some of the burden from you. I wouldn't worry about him starting his career "late". I know 35 or 40 seems old to you youngsters but you will find that there are lots of career changers and late bloomers who are just starting out at that age.

I think this is very well said.

I personally would not take on $100k in student loans unless we are talking something with a very large earning potential. There has just got to be another way, or better choices in career.

I am also extremely supportive of my husband, BUT working those kind of hours for another 6 years or so? I am not sure I would be up to that task, with small kids. My spouse has not worked, while he is pursuing some of his own dreams, but we both agree not to borrow a penny (it's unspoken since we are on the same page) and um, I can't say I would be so supportive if I had to work those kind of hours. I am extra supportive because it is not putting me out and it isn't hurting us financially. We'd both agree that the money is important.

[veronak]

I agree

Yep. I was wondering why you'd even consider not saying anything. This is YOUR money and YOUR future financial well being that is at stake. This decision could negatively affect you for the rest of your life. What you say or how you say it is up to you but to say nothing wouldn't make any sense at all.

I agree with DS 100%, sorry but you may have answered this but is part time an option. I worked a full and part time job while going to school full time so I know it can be done.
Talk to your husband, this may not be the time, which doesn't mean it won't ever happen

[snafu]

Until and unless DH gets through his current courses successfully, a DPT may not be realistic. Alternatively, if DH's marks are insufficient to move forward in the next semester would that impact his acceptance into a DPT? So many factors to consider

[dojo]

No offence, at 31 he should MAKE MONEY not go to school. I can understand college until you're 23-25, but at 31 you really need to be making money. With few exceptions, anyone should be done with the schooling by 30, not waste more money and time with it.

In your case it's a waste of time and money, especially since he seems to not be able to keep it up either. It's normal, you can learn in a way when you're 18 and it's another ball game when you're 30. You're mature, you have other things to do.

Having your dreams is cool, ruining your entire family's finances is not. 100K in student loans is HUGE. I'm kicking myself for a 20K loan 4 years ago, which I'm about to pay off entirely in 4 years and you guys are getting into such a huge debt.

I could NOT let my spouse get through this, no matter how much he'd love me. I feel bad if he's paying for something small just to make me happy, I'd not sleep for 30 years if I'd cause him to work like crazy to pay my student loans.

It's not a nice situation and with all the love in the world you should think about letting him know IT'S NOT OK. You have NOTHING now, but get more into debt, he doesn't seem to go anywhere with this and it will take a lifetime to get to a decent ground. Let's not think about the recession and how bad everything looks now.

[jteezie]

Echoing the general sentiment; this plan makes no sense.

Education is suppose to be an investment for longer term higher income. This will only reduce your income significantly. Rough estimate, it will reduce your future income by 50%!

That means you'd have to work even more jobs or somehow make more money on top of what he will make once he finishes. In this sense, does it make sense to work so hard now just so you have to work even harder in the future? You won't even be able to file bankruptcy because student loan debt cannot be forgiven, unless you die...

[riverwed070707]

I've been in your position. Ironically my DH was studying for PTA also when he "lost his focus". I was working 1 full-time and 1 part-time job because I wanted to support him but the deal was that he hurry up and finish the freakin' degree!

(That was 19 years ago. Back then, it was a 2-year degree with a starting of 40K- funny to see no progress in that field but I'm not surprised because in my 20 years nursing career, I've never even met a PTA so they must not be utilized much. But I digress....)


Anyway, I was exhausted because there seemed to be no end in sight. When I confronted him, he acted like I was nagging him or something so I told him he was going to have to do it on his own which I don't think is unfair seeing as I did both of my degrees on my own. Lo and behold, he decided he didn't want to go back for the degree after all and took a job at the post office which frankly was a better deal for him all the way around.

Bottom line, if they are using PTAs in your area and if he really wants this, then he should go for the PTA, try to get a job at a hospital or in some big healthcare system,go back for the DPT part time and do tuition reimbursement. That won't pay for the whole thing but it will lessen the bite and take some of the burden from you. I wouldn't worry about him starting his career "late". I know 35 or 40 seems old to you youngsters but you will find that there are lots of career changers and late bloomers who are just starting out at that age.

If only it were that easy. It's got to be one or the other because the PTA doesn't even lead up to the schooling needed to be accepted to the DPT. You have to have a bachelors and the PTA isn't degree earning. Also, the DPT is not some MBA program -- you can't go part time. Once you're accepted, you accept to go full time and take the courses at their pace. Most people don't even have time for a pt job becuase of residency.

If he were to decide now to get his PTA, he would have to first get accepted and if that were to happen he'd still have 3 years of school before he completes it if he goes full time. I guess my thoughts on that are if he isn't going to get the DPT, he might as well get a more generalized healthcare bachelors and find a job that makes the moeny worthwhile. At the same time, he'll be done with school in less time and have the option of furthering his degree later, whereas with a certificate, he'd be much further behind despite having been in school the same amount of time.

No offence, at 31 he should MAKE MONEY not go to school. I can understand college until you're 23-25, but at 31 you really need to be making money. With few exceptions, anyone should be done with the schooling by 30, not waste more money and time with it.

In your case it's a waste of time and money, especially since he seems to not be able to keep it up either. It's normal, you can learn in a way when you're 18 and it's another ball game when you're 30. You're mature, you have other things to do.

Having your dreams is cool, ruining your entire family's finances is not. 100K in student loans is HUGE. I'm kicking myself for a 20K loan 4 years ago, which I'm about to pay off entirely in 4 years and you guys are getting into such a huge debt.

I could NOT let my spouse get through this, no matter how much he'd love me. I feel bad if he's paying for something small just to make me happy, I'd not sleep for 30 years if I'd cause him to work like crazy to pay my student loans.

It's not a nice situation and with all the love in the world you should think about letting him know IT'S NOT OK. You have NOTHING now, but get more into debt, he doesn't seem to go anywhere with this and it will take a lifetime to get to a decent ground. Let's not think about the recession and how bad everything looks now.

Well aren't you a peach. I'm pretty sure there is no cutoff for when people should no longer be in school. He didn't have the opportunity when he was younger -- it's not like he's been doting around for 10+ years, this is his first chance at earning a degree and its a chance I think he deserves. He supported me though school and now I'd like to do the same for him. If that's not what you would do, fine, but your post was insulting. I was raised in a family that highly values education and it was my suggestion that he consider getting a degree. I hated his previous job and wanted him to find something he actually enjoys. Just because we've reached a hurdle doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. Lots of people are going, or going back, later and later. I'd rather spend 5 years with trimmed expenses and putting in a few extra hours than spend a lifetime with my husband hating his career and feeling like he has no other options.

[disneysteve]

No offence, at 31 he should MAKE MONEY not go to school. I can understand college until you're 23-25, but at 31 you really need to be making money. With few exceptions, anyone should be done with the schooling by 30, not waste more money and time with it.

I'm pretty sure there is no cutoff for when people should no longer be in school. your post was insulting.
Lots of people are going, or going back, later and later. I'd rather spend 5 years with trimmed expenses and putting in a few extra hours than spend a lifetime with my husband hating his career and feeling like he has no other options.

I agree with riverwed here. To say that nobody over 30 should be in school is ridiculous. There are so many people who changed careers and went back to school or never got a degree initially and went back to get one. I'm a physician. When I started medical school, I had just turned 21 and was among the 5-10 youngest students in a class of over 200. The oldest was almost 45. At our synagogue, we're finishing up the process of hiring a new rabbi. Several of our applicants were second career rabbis. One was 60 years old and was ordained 4 years ago after a long career as a corporate lawyer.

So I don't think age is a factor here.

[bennkar]

I'll just add that changing careers when you are older is tough, but can be done. For me I went back to get a Master's in a different area at 31 and finished at 33. I worked 30 hrs/wk, got an assistantship, and I took classes in the summers to get it done ASAP with as little debt as possible. When I graduated I had less than $10,000 in loans. That was a hard slog, but I make maybe 75% more than I did at my old job with less stress. It was the best thing I ever did.

However, if I ran up $100k of debt I might not look back so fondly on my choice.

[nick__45]

If we keep going at this pace, I estimate he will graduate with right around $100k in student loans. If he spreads out his next two semesters over a couple years, we could save up 20-30k and keep paying out of pocket at least for his undergrad and then have him only graduate with 1/2 the debt. On top of that, that gives me some time to work on builing my income to better support us when he's in grad school. I know if I mention this, he's going to be upset and tell me that its always about money with me. We already sort of fought about it last night becuase he could tell I was really upset about this semester.

I dont' know what to do. Advice? WWYD?

How about the student loan is solely in his name with you not being a co-signer. In additional, you split the cost of running the household in half and he's responsible for that, either in cash payment or notarized promissory note.

I hate people going back to school and abandon their responsibility of earning a living. I was raised the it's a man's responsibility to support his family. Although I welcome the the idea of dual-income household, I still put a burden on myself to be a sole provider.

I am in your boat because my wife goes to school and don't exactly know a clue of what to accomplish upon degree completion. I paid cash for a lot of the classes and she now has a student loan in her name. I don't remember co-signing anything but the fact is that it's in her name means I am not solely on the hook for it. I don't agree agree with her going back to school and strongly believe people should work and only go back to school when they know what they want after being in the workforce for something.

The notion of going to school with some wishful thinking of making serious money is very stupid. School puts burden and stress on the family of adult students. Anyone in their 30s who hasn't had a serious job that they can call a career shouldn't even consider going back to school because if they haven't held a decent job thus far in life, they are much less likely to not be able to do it with an degree. For example, I have a few youngster in their mid-20s working for me as technicians. They only have high school degree but they make very good money for the job they have. For them to quit it and going back to school is a big gamble and only worth it if they know they can get back in the door upon completion, which would automatically double their salary. They are much better candidates for going back to schools because they had been working since they're 16 in the real world and had held multiple jobs prior to landing this good gig. Therefore, they at least know what they will do doing upon obtaining a degree because they are supporting the folks with those degrees and see how much more money other people are making.

I am not in position to give advice but I would make my spouse get a loan solely in her name if we're talking about anything more than $30k, which is a lot already. I could get a new truck for $30k and have a reliable transportation for the entire family for 20 years. To me, a truck is a better investment than some wishful dream chase.

[bennkar]

I am not in position to give advice but I would make my spouse get a loan solely in her name if we're talking about anything more than $30k, which is a lot already.

I'm embarased that I didn't recommend this previously. You should never co-sign a loan, especially student loans that can't be gotten rid of easily. I made sure my (now ex) wife got her loans in only her name, it was the best decision I ever made.

[photo]

he was planning on transferring to a university for the last 2 years of his bachelors program before applying to grad school.

Is he at a junior college right now? If he isn't even at university level and is having academic problems, regardless of the cause, there's a fair chance he won't make it through grad school.

If he is complaining that your argument is "always about the money," there's an excellent reason: you're the one supporting HIS dreams, which at this point, are rather distant.

Dreams are wonderful, and we should all possess them. However, asking someone else (you) to make major sacrifices for it to happen is quite presumptuous of him.

If he's having academic problems at his age and he's not even at university level yet, then taking on $100,000 in debt for several years of study sounds like suicide to me. Of course, he'll never agree, but an idea is to obtain the opinion of a disinterested marriage counselor.

[dojo]

Well aren't you a peach. I'm pretty sure there is no cutoff for when people should no longer be in school. He didn't have the opportunity when he was younger -- it's not like he's been doting around for 10+ years, this is his first chance at earning a degree and its a chance I think he deserves. He supported me though school and now I'd like to do the same for him. If that's not what you would do, fine, but your post was insulting. I was raised in a family that highly values education and it was my suggestion that he consider getting a degree. I hated his previous job and wanted him to find something he actually enjoys. Just because we've reached a hurdle doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. Lots of people are going, or going back, later and later. I'd rather spend 5 years with trimmed expenses and putting in a few extra hours than spend a lifetime with my husband hating his career and feeling like he has no other options.

It wasn't my intention to be insulting. And I didn't read about the fact he previously supported you.

I come from a VERY POOR family. Yes, we value education too, this is why I busted my bottom to pay for school and WORK FULL TIME. Yes, I'd be away for 18 hours a day, but I made it eventually.

From what I could read here: you're in trouble, he doesn't seem to do well in college (he's already 'missed' some years) and you're getting deeper in debt. I don't know what's his specialty and how it works (am in a different country anyway), but from what I read from others' explanations, he's not gonna get a fancy salary anyway, at least for some years. So you're not looking at 5 years of 'difficulty' but who knows how many on the road.

You came here COMPLAINING about the situation (as you should anyway) and I was just expressing my thoughts. I don't think people should put their entire family in danger like this, just for the sake of a diploma. Even if it's their lifelong dream. We're in a HUGE recession all over the world. People talk about issues with Euro and the USD. What if your recession won't end too soon? What if YOU LOSE YOUR JOB?

I live comfortably as a freelance web designer (weirdly enough, have spent 9 years in high-school and college to become a teacher and now I'm working in a more lucrative area) and still would not put my neck to the line like this. I really love my guy, but I'd tell him to 1. find a way to help finance the loan or 2. get another 'dream'.

If this does sound like a good solution to you, having him pursue this career, then we're actually wasting our time here since your mind is made up. I have no interest in bashing your choices and really really wish you guys all the best. It would be terrific for him to succeed, but for me the risks are way too many

[BuckyBadger]

I, too, would worry about the prospect of him finishing the next 5 years successfully if he's already having trouble with his grades. I know you said that he had a "rough" time, but if he is going to finish the program, there are going to be "rough" times, and if he can't get passing grades during "rough" times, well... That's not really very comforting.