Single because I'm a cheapskate

[frito833]

Here's my situation. I'm 32 years old and save about 50% of my income. Unfortunately, I learned about the power of compound interest @ 28 years old and my conscience tells me that I've fallin behind in investing for my retirement. As a result, I lived like a broke college student for the past 4 years. My problem is that attractive girls these days suffer from the princess syndrome and I do not want to spend a lot of money on expensive dates. My rule is if the cost of the date is more than $40 on her part, the date is over because I sense a person that's not frugal aka "Golddigger". From my experience, attractive women with a career who are frugal are a dime in a rough hence I'm still single.

So here's my question. Should I wait for that frugal beauty, remain a single miser, or just settle with an average person with a financial sense? My ideal mate is someone frugal like me, no baggage, believes in the healthy lifestyle, and physically attractive. Am I shallow or have high standards? You know with divorce rate @ 50%,why marry where she is "entitled" to half my assets? Finance is the #1 reason for divorces. I guess the question is I can't currently afford the Porsche and should I just settle with a Honda Civic? My logic is I'm willing to postpone the Civic for a decade to drive a Porsche? Am I wrong to wait for the trophy wife?

[jpg7n16]

I've just got one word for you: balance

My gut feeling is that your life is out of balance right now.

The goal of saving is to have money for today, while ensuring that you will have money tomorrow.
The goal of saving is not to have no money today, to have too much tomorrow.

Why are you saving money? Just to have more money that you won't want to spend, but to invest to earn more money that you won't spend?

You are trading away your life for compound interest. And I think that's a poor trade. Find some balance.

[nmboone]

Hi, I'll offer a few words, but I don't know if I can be helpful since the question is somewhat hard to answer without knowing you personally. $40 on a date is not bad at all I guess depending on where you live. I would probably spend at $25 at most, especially on a first date. But to have an exact number is kind of weird. There are very cheap dates to be had. I think going to the zoo for a date would be awesome actually! But that's just me. Good job on being frugal, it's a great way to be. I think you should just find someone that you get along with well and have fun with and don't worry about the money until the two of you are closer and you feel comfortable talking about such things. But I do believe a money talk should be had early on. And I will say this, an extreme cheapskate is not attractive to most girls. I consider myself pretty frugal (I am a girl) and though I don't expect to treated to a fancy restaurant for several dates, I would expect a guy to pay, at least on the first date. That doesn't seem to be your real problem though.

So basically find a girl that you think is attractive and is at least ambitious (is it absolutely necessary to find someone with a great career?) and see how you guys hit it off. No one is going to be perfect. And not everyone knows so much about money. But no one would want someone sponging off of them. And if things lead up to engagement, I would seriously consider a prenup.

[nmboone]

Btw, Honda Civics are awesome.

[frito833]

Balance. If balance is quality of life, I'm happier as ever. I'm doing hobbies I love and a career i find fulfilling. I'm saving to retire early and travel. Also, if I don't marry, I will just rely on my income alone. I'm always thinking worst case scenarios.

[GREENBACK]

It's okay to spend a bit of money on a date to find the right mate. Think of it as an opportunity cost or an investment. Even frugal women may like the fact that you're willing to spend a little extra to have fun. Don't assume that because it's a slightly expensive date that she is automatically a "princess". You'll know fairly quickly what her financial attitude is if you can just be yourself.

[Mjenn]

It is OK to spend money on a date, but don't give up hope that there are people out there who don't want to be 'taken care of.' I imagine you might be surprised to find they fit your other criterea as well. If a woman wants to be treated like a princess, and you don't want to date a princess, this woman is not for you. Keep looking.

Unless your idea of beauty is silicon and 3 pounds of make-up there are a lot of more 'natural' women out there, who are looking for an interesting guy. And if natural to you means Honda civic, you should probably turn the TV off.

I have to say I find it pretty off putting that you are referring to cars here and not being able to afford the Porsche, if that is how you view it, do you really want the Porsche? Gold diggers are a dime a dozen, quality, beauty and someone who really appreciates you are one in a million.

[disneysteve]

I'm 32 years old and save about 50% of my income.
my conscience tells me that I've fallin behind in investing for my retirement.

attractive girls these days suffer from the princess syndrome and I do not want to spend a lot of money on expensive dates. My rule is if the cost of the date is more than $40 on her part, the date is over because I sense a person that's not frugal

I think you may be overdoing it on the frugal/savings end. Have you run numbers showing that you need to save 50% of income to meet your retirement goal? If that is the case, your goal may be too aggressive.

I think it is an over-generalization to suggest that all pretty girls are princesses. Surely some are but plenty are not. You just need to find them.

As for how much a date should cost, depending on where you are, it is pretty easy to blow through $40. That won't get you a decent dinner and a movie around here. And I also agree to some extent with GREENBACK that it is an investment in finding a mate. Just because a girl enjoys being wined and dined does not mean that she'll expect that as the daily routine. A date is a special occasion just like a birthday or anniversary. Now if, after one or two dates, you get the impression that she expects every date to be like that, then you need to reconsider, but a couple of nicer dinners, a concert, etc. isn't unreasonable.

Of course, you need to balance all of this with your own likes and dislikes. If your idea of a fancy night out is dinner at Friendly's, you don't want a girl who prefers filet mignon and caviar. If a splurge for you is buying a Coke instead of drinking water, you don't want a relationship with someone who enjoys fine wine.

[snshijuptr]

I think you have a warped sense of women. All pretty girls are princesses, please. If you are so afraid that every woman is going to turn into a gold digger, you are probably turning off all the dates you do have. If you make a point to dump a girl because she spends more than $40 on a date, then you have no perspective. Have you ever thought that maybe she earns more than you? Or maybe she has this date in her budget? You have set some arbitrary, secret spending limit on a woman's money on the first date!! You're setting yourself up to control what she does with her hard earned cash before you've earned any sort of place in her life. You judge a woman when you don't even know her personal circumstances. Good for the women that they don't continue to date you.

[MonkeyMama]

If a woman wants to be treated like a princess, and you don't want to date a princess, this woman is not for you. Keep looking.

Good Advice.

I wouldn't lower my standards or change anything. I'd be a cheap date and I know plenty intelligent/beautiful single women who feel the same way.

Being on the other side, I wouldn't want to marry someone who spent a lot on a date. It would be a clear sign that we would be incompatible. I'd think $40 is ridiculous (for her half).

All that said, instead of making a snap judgement on the first date, maybe give it a little more time and see how things go. A first date is a little different as everyone puts their best foot forward and wants to impress.

Also, where are you finding dates now? If you aren't finding very financially like-minded people, maybe you should search elsewhere.

I don't think your standards are unreasonable, anyway. Financial compatibility is probably top of my list - and I wouldn't marry someone I Wasn't physically attracted to. I was lucky to find that person 15 years ago - happily married.

[Mr Nice Guy]

If you are not finding the type of girls you are looking for at the bar, hang out at Barnes and Noble

[jpg7n16]

As a result, I lived like a broke college student for the past 4 years.

Balance. If balance is quality of life, I'm happier as ever...

I'm always thinking worst case scenarios.

These statements don't add up.

You can't try and get pity for having deprived yourself like a 'broke college student' then claim to be 'happier than ever' then claim to always think worst case scenarios.

So you deprive yourself, but you're the happiest you've ever been, but you're always thinking negatively?? Something's not right there...


And I don't think you're as happy as you claim to be. I think you're deluding yourself. Most people who are perfectly happy don't feel the need to post rants online about how all attractive women are golddigging princesses (which you know isn't true - so it must just be posted out of frustration and/or unhappiness).

[Scanner]

Good topic to me as I am newly divorced and dating/on dating sites.

I don't know what to tell you. . .I saw one of those scrolling statements up there at savingadvice.com that I took to heart:

(I am paraphrasing/misquoting):

"As I look back I spent all of my money on 3 things - women, booze, and gambling. The rest of it, I am sure I wasted."

Funny as this would be Blaspheme on savingadvice.com, LOL, to me anyway.

I have been upping my "dating budget" too. (even when I meet a woman for the first time for a match.com encounter, I pay the bill).

Remember, you are trying to attract a partner and if you come across as a cheapskate. . .well. . .remember. . .value vs. cost. You want to find a valuable mate, and sometimes that does mean spending a little more money, just like any other commodity.

(making dating sound like the COMEX, huh, lol?).

Look. . .if you are an Applebees kind of guy. . .no need to be pretentious and take her to upscale Atlantic City resteraunt for a show and gambling. YOu will end up setting the bar too high. Better for her to know that you are an Applebees kind of guy and let her look for another kind of man if she wants.

But no matter where you go, you should pick up the tab on the first and second date (maybe let her buy you lunch 3rd date or something).

Now. . .when dating, as a guy (who knows with gals) you are looking for the 5 S's - safe, sane, sincere, sensible, and sexual. WIth "Sensible", I do eventually talk about money (I know it's on a date's mind) and I am just upfront - it's a middle class existence with me. That means an occasional vacation, it means I have to work, sometimes 2 jobs, - you'll probably have to work so I'm not a Sugar Daddy but that's really okay if you want a Sugar Daddy. If that's a problem, at age 40, with children I am sure you'll have the pick of the field. No seriously. . .I do somewhere on date 2 kinda let them know the lifestyle I can offer politely and matter of factly.

If they don't want that, that's really okay.

I think you need to open up the dusty wallet some more.

But honeslty, $40.00 for her part (so I assume you are spending $80.00) isn't exactly "Cheapskate" either. I've been spending that (or less) and having some success. Perhaps your strikeouts are for another reason?

[cypher1]

As Jpg7n16 mentioned earlier, BALANCE is the key. Thats great you can save so much, but whats the point if you can't stop and enjoy some of the finer things in life?

I consider myself pretty cheap for dates also. I'm kind of in a similiar situation, but I just choose to be off the grid right now. My rule of thumb for any first date was to keep it simple. Meet for a drink at either a coffee shop or bar, depending on day/time. If a girl can't invest 30-45 minutes of conversation over a $5 latte, then find someone else. Why spend a lot of money trying to impress the date, IE over a fancy dinner, and you quickly find out youre not interested in her (or her to you)? $40 for a date isn't bad, but dinner and movie adds up, unless you're taking date to a menu with value meals.

There's nothing wrong with having high standards, everyone should. You;re just talking about dating right? Worry about marriage when you're in an actual relationship. But should you "wait" for the trophy wife? No. Put yourself out there, take the risk and find her yourself. In some ways, dating is a lot of like investing. There's a lot of risk involved, with assets +- liabilities

[Scanner]

Or wait, I am confused - when you say "$40.00 for her part" - do you mean you are going dutch and she's chipping in $40.00?

There could be a problem here.

I dropped $45.00 on gourmet burgers, and 2 beers for each of us (she's a beer drinker) at a Red Robin yesterday (she had never been - they are really good burgers even though it's a chain).

I paid the bill.

I scored a hot good night kiss and a second date - we are watching the Superbowl together.

I do like to get gussied up though (1-2x/year) and go out all dressed up (which probably means $100-200) and drop some coin. It's in my budget.

Look. . .I am not trying to beat DisneySteve or JimOhio or MonkeyMama with the "Most Money" at the end of our careers. I'd only like to be able to maybe join them on a cruise or a vacation in Florida or whatever.