Can We Afford A Trip?

**disneysteve** · 02-02-2010, 06:52 PM

Originally posted by watsoninc View Post

When my full-time job ends, I would convert my part-time job to a full-time position if I can't find another job in my field of training. If this happened, this would almost double our present income.

If that's true, why would you bother looking for another job?

Personally, I wouldn't go on principle alone. I think destination weddings are a fad that needs to die real soon. Expecting your friends and family to spend thousands of dollars to attend is insane and presumptuous. It puts people in a terrible position, not knowing how to say no without offending the couple, so people end up going and blowing money they really didn't want to blow.

Anyway, it sounds like you guys have been very responsible with your money, are dedicated savers and, even though there is a work transition ahead, you could take this trip and still be in great shape. So if this wedding is that important to you, I see nothing wrong with you going. Just make sure you are putting your relationship with your wife ahead of your relationship with your friend. If she isn't on board with the decision, stay home and send a nice gift. Your friend will understand that not everybody can drop 3-4K to attend a 30-minute ceremony in another country.

**watsoninc** · 02-02-2010, 07:28 PM

When my full-time job ends, I would convert my part-time job to a full-time position if I can't find another job in my field of training. If this happened, this would almost double our present income.

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

If that's true, why would you bother looking for another job?

Although I have a health care-oriented professional degree, I am completing a Ph.D. As a health-care provider, I earn much more than what we are earning together as scientists-in training. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

**jIM_Ohio** · 02-02-2010, 07:56 PM

I say go on the vacation (or plan on going) if you were planning a vacation already. You only live once, and a wedding like this is a once in a lifetime thing (you hope).

If you think this person will get married twice in Jamaica, skip both weddings

I do agree with uneasiness of planning a vacation around job losses... give a tentative yes and explain to couple that your job situation might prevent you from going.

**watsoninc** · 02-02-2010, 08:04 PM

Thanks so much Jim; I really appreciate the support. I was beginning to feel like I was being too much of a free-spirit. Anyway, this couple has been together for 7+ years, so hopefully, this is the one and only wedding experience.

Regards,

**tripods68** · 02-02-2010, 08:54 PM

Sounds like you have been responsible savers. Enjoy your trip!

**watsoninc** · 02-03-2010, 06:13 AM

Thanks Tripod, I'm reading your response to DW now!

**wincrasher** · 02-03-2010, 06:52 AM

Yes you can afford it. Does sound like the friendship is more important to you than the DW though.

You do understand that Jamaica is miserably hot in June. That's why it's the off-season and rates should be lower.

**creditcardfree** · 02-03-2010, 07:02 AM

I think you have the means to afford the trip with out hurting yourselves financially. It still wouldn't hurt to buy transferable tickets and still give the couple a heads up, but I really think you can afford it.

**swanson719** · 02-03-2010, 07:40 AM

There has to be a balance between your DW's need for stability, and your need to be able to do what you want. I understand your DW is worried about job stability and income given the transition. So what would the problem be with you making your part time a full time until your degree is finished? Why does that not satisfy her need for stability?

Your DW's income is 25% of your total. You invest 20% of net. So you pretty much live off of your income and invest DW's. You would have to stop investing for a month or two while she found a different job, which if your lucky, she can have lined up before her job ends in May. Her job loss doesn't endanger your ability to pay the bills. You have the big emergency fund, and a house down payment waiting in the wings.

You invest money to be able to live comfortably later, but it shouldn't be at the expense of friends. $3500 isn't going to change your life situation for more than a few months tops.

Your DW probably will want a compromise, but on what? Get the trip protection for $15 so if you cancel the tickets it doesn't cost you anything. But how can you give your friend a tentative "Yes" when your friends wedding either has you as a grooms-man or it doesn't? Kinda hard to plan a wedding like that. I don't see it as you putting your friends ahead of your wife, but I can see how your wife would see that. She doesn't want you to go for financial reasons, but what would it take to satisfy her need for stability? You are financially stable even without her working.

Why does the $3,500 make a difference to your DW if your income would go up if you made the part time a full time?

**jefffou** · 02-03-2010, 11:48 AM

Originally posted by watsoninc View Post

My wife would rather wait until we have our job situation figured out, which may mean that we could miss this wedding.

The rest of your post is really irrelevant.

It really doesn't matter which one of you has the facts on their side....both of you need to be on board for this one.

Men tend to arrange their arguments with facts, charts and graphs. Look at your list. Of course it looks like you can afford it. But that won't win this argument, Watson. And you know it. For her, it just doesn't feel right. And her opinion matters just as much as yours.

This seems like one of those crossroads decisions that you need to get right. I think you had better show her the same respect here that you want to show your friend. Shoot for a later date.

My $.02

Jeff

**watsoninc** · 02-03-2010, 12:42 PM

I am definitely beginning to think that we need trip protection/transferable tickets & some contingency plan.

WC, I love my DW & value her opinion about our finances but disagree with her opinion in this case. We are struggling to find middle ground.

CCF, we would buy transferable tickets/trip protection.

S719 I couldn't make my part-time job full-time without suspending the program that I am in, which would be very difficult to work out at this point. That's the reason we would continue our present work arrangement until I finished. You bring up a very relevant point to me. When I was paying off my consumer debt, I missed several dinners, parties, & a few weddings. Most of my friends and family understood. I always told myself that this was "living like no one else" so later "we can live like no one else." The whole rationale for our building a solid financial foundation was to be better able to 1) invest, 2)give, and 3) have fun. I feel like we have deprived ourselves a lot and am willing to continue the sacrifices to achieve our goals as long as my opinion is also being reflected in our budgeting. I never agreed to never do anything unless everything works out perfectly. Note our budget isn't nearly as tight as it was while I was paying off my debt. However, I do fear that I would resent the sacrifices if we never do anything fun or are never able to do things with our friends and loved ones. My belief is this disagreement is not about money: even if we had a half-million sitting around in some slush fund, she would feel uneasy about taking the trip if there was a little uncertainty in the income. Although I respect that feeling as valid, I don't think it should handicap important relationships with friends.

Jeff, in our short marriage, I do feel this is an important issue. I do want us to make a decision regarding our finances, but I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick. The reason is I have done what I can to work with her to address her needs for security. I have taken extra shifts, budgeted diligently, quickly funded our house fund, all in an attempt to make us more comfortable. However, I do not feel like it is fair to ask me to sacrifice such an important to me trip because she is not comfortable even though we have made many reasonable preparations in the event something go wrong. What I am saying is where is the allowance in our budget for things that are important to me? This matter is obviously time-sensitive; otherwise, I would be more amendable to wait how the job situation turns out. I do recognize that some may feel that this is childish, but I feel that it is important to realize that you do desire/need some fun, bonding with your friends, etc. I also hope that you see that I am trying to be responsible too.

Note I am very close with my friends, and she is not very close with any of her friends, so we have different priorities here.

UPDATE:
We reached an agreement that makes us BOTH happy. We will save to go and will have trip protection/refundable tickets. We have detailed under what circumstances we would not go. Thanks for your feedback. It really helped a lot!!!

**graceful** · 02-03-2010, 03:07 PM

You can afford it but are you both on board with spending it?

I think the transitional nature of your situation is the perfect excuse you can give your friends about whether you can attend. You can "plan" to attend but tell the wedding couple because of the uncertainty of both your job situations, you "may" have to cancel at the last minute. You DON'T have to tell them your true financial picture and that you CAN afford it even if the job situation isn't resolved immediately.

That way, you leave yourself an out, "just in case," which is what your DW wants and would make her feel so much better and the wedding couple gets a "heads up" and won't be relying on you. They may or may not want to keep you in the wedding party, in this case. But you aren't locked in and things may evolve where with your jobs where you both are on board at the end with going and have the best vacation ever!

Good luck!

**jefffou** · 02-03-2010, 08:20 PM

Originally posted by watsoninc View Post

UPDATE: We reached an agreement that makes us BOTH happy. We will save to go and will have trip protection/refundable tickets. We have detailed under what circumstances we would not go. Thanks for your feedback. It really helped a lot!!!

Congrats, Watson!!

I'm sorry, by the way, if I came off holier than thou in some way. I've been married for 15 years and I'm still learning at this thing.

Have a GREAT trip!

Jeff

**watsoninc** · 02-04-2010, 06:07 AM

Thanks Grace, we're both on board with spending for the trip provided that we have a few conditions, which I gladly agreed to.

Thanks Jeff, I think your post really got us talking about the emotional reasons for our opinions, which is why we had a breakthrough. So thanks so much. We just got married in September, so we're newbies to all of this.

Can We Afford A Trip?