Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

[tgavin71]

Earlier today I was having a discussion with a friend about whether or not we should force our children to eat. Especially foods that they don't like such as most vegetables. I don't force my children to eat anything. I was as a child and dreaded meal times as it usually meant lots of yelling and smacking. Not what I want for my children. I have one who eats just about anything and one who is very fussy. Both are happy and healthy and rarely need medical attention.
I am curious wiil you or do you or did you ( for those with elder children) force your children to eat? Why or why not?

[Bluezy]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I don't force my CJ to eat. He will eat when he is ready and will eat what he is hungry for. Luckily, he prefers veggies and fish to meat. I also find that his eating patterns change before a major growing spell. Please note that CJ has never had a soda, cotton candy or such, so he has been spared a taste for junk food (I don't eat them either...if CJ shouldn't learn a taste for them I should not either!)

Children are no different than adults when it comes to what one might be hungry for.

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

My mother was forced to eat and she made sure she never did that to my brother or to me. My brother was a picky eater and I was pretty normal. I suppose we are still that way as adults.

Because of all that my mom taught me, including the horrors of being force fed (and they truly were HORROR storries), I do not force my children to eat. I do, however, require that they try everything. I tell them that it takes 20 times of trying something before you like it and so now they say "Maybe this will be 21". It takes a while, but eventually they do actually seem to start liking different foods. My youngest has acquired a taste for lettuce, onions and mustard just this year. My older one, on the other hand, has lost his taste for milk and hot dogs. I don't care about the hot dogs...milk bothers me.

Bluezy, I am just like you on the pop! Pop is something I greatly struggle with for myself. My children know that I wish I didn't like it so much and that I am trying to spare them the same fate. In fact, my children only drink juice when we eat out, and usually only when it comes with the meal. Otherwise, it is milk or water at the house. I do allow Gingerale when they are sick, but my oldest has decided he doesn't like it. He says it is too "hot".

[Diolla]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I never forced my child to eat and although I would urge him to try new things I never forced him to do that.

That said I did not cater to him either. I make one meal and you can eat it or not. I always tried to have one sure thing that he would eat but if he was hungry he would eat what I made.

One thing I have noticed is the mountain of food people put on children's plates. I always found he would eat better if I gave him tiny little portions and then he could get seconds.

[boefixepa]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

My mother never catered to us, there were five of us, so much like Diolla, one meal was made and you were expected to at least try everything. If you didn't like it, you didn't have to eat, but you were not allowed to go pull a meal from the pantry. If you didn't eat what everyone else was eating you didn't eat. This worked well as kids...as teenagers we pretty much did as we wanted.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

You must try it, and I offer a 'bribe' occassionally (finish my banana you can have some ritz crackers) but only if there is somemedical reason (digestion issues...)

And for food I know they like but are not on the tops list (like green beans) I don't offer seconds of the steak till they finish them (it is all about balance)

If the whole meal is terrible there is always bread.

[TBH]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I can't force my son to eat. He's too little (only 2). I couldn't force "one more bite" into him even if I wanted to.

I do sometimes cajole him, but it's for selfish reasons. If he doesn't eat enough dinner, he wakes up every fifteen minutes all night because he's hungry. When he's older I plan to make only one meal, and if he doesn't like it he's welcome to fix himself a PB and J.

But at this age, I do often sit there and say, "do you want a quesadilla? A sliced apple? Some carrot sticks? Smoothie? Peanut butter on graham crackers? How about some rice? Pasta? Anything?" These are all things he likes, and we keep leftovers of his staple foods stockpiled in the fridge so we can just heat things up if he wants something different from what the grownups are having.

But I do not like the power dynamic that develops when I can tell he's refusing to eat just to watch Mama and Papa get more and more desperate as we imagine the sleepless night ahead. I know I probably need to just say "too bad if you're not going to eat, that's your problem" but since we don't let him "cry it out" at night if he wakes up, we all suffer if he's too hungry to sleep.

Funny how everything's connected. I don't let him cry by himself in his crib at night, therefore I feel I can't let him go hungry if he refuses to eat dinner. Each parenting decision creates a domino effect.

If he really won't eat, we usually just do other parts of the bedtime routine (bath, stories, etc) and then bring him downstairs for a really big bedtime snack. That usually works pretty well.

[sarah4554]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I don't ever physically force my children to eat. But they only get dessert if they finish their dinner. I have two children and they hate to see the other one get dessert and not them. They are only 3 & 4 but have both learn it is well worth finishing their dinner to get dessert.

[34saving]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I'm with lots of the others. I try to make sure there's at least something I know she likes and encourage her to try everything. Candela taught me early on not to encourage too vigorously. During her introduction to peanut butter she wouldn't even think about trying it . . . it turns out she's allergic to peanut butter and somehow she knew it and I didn't. . . .

[pearlieq]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I will never, never forget sitting over a plate of liver for 3 hours in a battle of wills with my mom.

Mom made one meal, and you ate it. Luckily I liked (or could at least tolerate) almost everything she made. The liver, however, was a no go. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I finished it, so I sat there from 6:00pm until after 9:00pm refusing to eat it. She wasn't happy with me, but I won that one. We never had liver again.

I can see where it would get tricky to find the balance between respecting the kid's preferences and encouraging them to try new things. Some things (onions, mayonnaise, peppers) I've learned to tolerate and even enjoy over the years. Others (mustard, liver, lima beans) I still can't stand and would have no interest in even trying!

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

But at this age, I do often sit there and say, "do you want a quesadilla? A sliced apple? Some carrot sticks? Smoothie? Peanut butter on graham crackers? How about some rice? Pasta? Anything?" These are all things he likes, and we keep leftovers of his staple foods stockpiled in the fridge so we can just heat things up if he wants something different from what the grownups are having.

But I do not like the power dynamic that develops when I can tell he's refusing to eat just to watch Mama and Papa get more and more desperate as we imagine the sleepless night ahead. I know I probably need to just say "too bad if you're not going to eat, that's your problem" but since we don't let him "cry it out" at night if he wakes up, we all suffer if he's too hungry to sleep.

I can just see the wheels turning in his mind, "I wonder what else mom will come up with?" I try to limit the options cause an endless list is more of an interesting expirament in how long mom will keep trying, but one or two options is just that, X or Y (making sure the last meal of the day that both X and Y are enjoyed by the child)

I never let any of my kids CIO either, but I did have issues with no eating breakfast for a long time, I actually instituted 'second breakfast' (and lunch is elevensies , you ll get the joke if you liked LOTR) if meant he could skimp on breakfast and still get food just silly to me to eat 3 times in 4 hours, but hey it stopped the hunger tantrums.

oh yeah and those occasionall 'bribes', today it was eat a tablespoon of applesauce have the english muffin (what a bribe eh) and he tells me 'I don't like it' I reply he used to, maybe he will again, but if he doesn't by the time it is gone I wont ask him to eat more today (wasn't plannig on it anyway) I just went in to help DD out and DS tells me "I like it!" umm yeah, cool, I knew that.

[jaksilee]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I will not force my childern (when I have some) to eat anything...BUT I will do what my mom always did. She would tell use we had to eat 1 bite of anything on our plate, at every meal. We couldn't complaine about it, make faces or spit it out or we had to take another bite of it...till we could do it with out the faces. That means I tried a lot of things I would have turned up my nose at, some of them I even liked. But since the "rule" was firm we always knew to just get the bite of something we just "knew" we weren't going to like and then we could eat the rest of the meal in peace knowing if we really didn't like it we didn't have to touch it again...till she made that thing again. If we hated a whole meal, then we knew we could make ourselfs a PB & J, but only after taking our 1 bite of evrything!

[DayByDay]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

As a kid I had to sit at the table for a very long time when I refused to eat something. Sometimes I'd manage to give some food to the dog without being noticed. The angry parents, gagging on food, sitting at the table forever....I hated all that, so I don't force my kids to eat anything. There is not too much they won't eat anyway.

[Ima saver]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I was and still am, a very very picky eater. My mother would make me sit there for hours. Then she would give me the same food the next day. She took me to a doctor who said to let me eat what I wanted. She wouldn't. The last thing she made me eat was stewed tomatoes. I threw them up.
I still will not eat tomatoes, or any fruit or vegetables, except potatoes and lima bean. I don't like seafood of any type, or liver, lamb, etc. I mostly eat beef and chicken.
I have managed to live quite a few years without eating any fruit or vegetables. I have never been sick in my life and only been to a doctor twice, once for that colonoscopy I had as a preventative measure.
Don't force your kids to eat something they don't like!

[Gruntina]

Re: Will you or do you or did you force your children to eat?

I often see in families or through my line of work that often meal time with children can be a "power control" issue. Unfortunately some parents "punish" their children with food. This lead them to battles at dinner time, children overeating or not eating enough and children learning to throw-up food on command. I always remind myself that Food should not be used as a method of punishment. Not to take away or force food from children but to use encouragement and discipline but discipline in a method where it’s the behavior needs to be worked on rather than the food itself.