Santa can’t afford it?

[Butterscotch]

Any advice of how to explain why Santa can’t bring a toy to a 4yr old? I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot with the “be a good boy all year and Santa will bring you something.” Well, he’s very good and is expecting a toy that costs $180. I’ve shown him comparable, less expensive toys but he can tell the difference and repeadily asks for the name brand version.
I’ve been checking craigslist and Facebook for used versions of this toy, but even if anyone is selling theirs they still want $150 for it.

So it’s going to have to come down to a reason why Santa can’t bring it without ruining the illusion of Santa who my son loves. Ideas?

[creditcardfree]

My first thought is to simply get the less expensive version. Maybe Santa can leave a note telling him how great a boy he was, and how the elves really enjoyed making this toy for him. Simple but likely convincing as a note doesn't usually get left...so will add to the magic!

Get a friend to write the note, so he doesn't recognize the handwriting!

[james.hendrickson]

Any advice of how to explain why Santa can’t bring a toy to a 4yr old? I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot with the “be a good boy all year and Santa will bring you something.” Well, he’s very good and is expecting a toy that costs $180. I’ve shown him comparable, less expensive toys but he can tell the difference and repeadily asks for the name brand version.
I’ve been checking craigslist and Facebook for used versions of this toy, but even if anyone is selling theirs they still want $150 for it.

So it’s going to have to come down to a reason why Santa can’t bring it without ruining the illusion of Santa who my son loves. Ideas?

Get a used one on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

If it is not too late, maybe you can explain that it is not the kind of thing Santa brings. Did you earlier tell him that Santa would bring him this item specifically? That is what would make it seem hardest to deal with.

Lots of kids wish very earnestly for lots of things that they don't get, but are very, very happy with what they do get. Really. Truly.

It might be better not to even get a knock-off item to remind him that the exact item he wanted is not what he got. Just go for something completely different. For example, if it is one of those battery operated cars that he wants, do not get him ANY battery operated vehicle.

[Butterscotch]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses. I like the idea of a special note from Santa to preserve the magic. I’ll do that whether I go the generic route or the completely different toy direction.

[creditcardfree]

Joan's post reminded me that my parents gave my sister a doll high chair from Santa one year. She really wanted a doll. I think they thought she had plenty of dolls, so how about an accessory. Thus the very nice wooden doll high chair. Unfortunately my sister was disappointed. I'm not implying that all children would be disappointed.

I don't know that I would truly try to explain much of anything before the arrival of whatever Santa brings. I would work on explaining if needed after Santa brings the item. Sure you can drop some hints in the meantime, but I wouldn't press it.

Just my 2 cents.

[Gailete]

Okay this is a post from someone that is in there 60's and has raised two functional kids including an autistic one that is entirely self supporting. I'm trying to just give some bits of wisdom that I learned and practiced as I raised my children.

I grew up in a home where there was never any expectation that Santa would be bringing anything, so no promises about be a good girl or boy. We grew up with the reason for Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ, as the paramount reason for the holiday and how we observed it. I realize that many no longer hold with thought although Christmas can still be observed by giving to others and not thinking so much about ourselves.

I think I mentioned on one of my other posts, if I didn't get a new homemade nightgown for my Oct. birthday, I knew that I would be getting that for my 'big' Christmas present, then maybe a paperback book or other small items. When I was in 4th grade a couple bought all of us presents else there would have been nothing under the tree. I learned about 50 years after the fact that my 'big' present one year was a generic Barbie (I didn't know she was generic) a pile of homemade clothes for her that my mom had made from sewing scraps, and a case for carrying her and her wardrobe. Like I said that was my one and ONLY present that I remember for me that year. Even in my more financially flush years, my kids never got expensive presents. I made a lot of presents, found things on sale throughout the year, etc.

All that to say, unless you know for sure that you will be able to provide all the gifts that a child will think to expect, and if not then don't let those expectations get started. Don't let a 4 year old hold you hostage to getting him some dream toy, because if you do that now, what demands will he be making when he is 11 or 14 or 18 or whatever age? You have an opportunity to start training him now, talk with him and tell the truth that just because you want something, doesn't mean Santa will bring it. But he will bring some nice things. Talk with him about how he can help others at this time of year. Even taking him to a nursing home to say hi and Merry Christmas to those old folks would put a smile on their faces and make their day. My cleaning lady's church comes and carols at my house each year, and if there is baby I am so happy to get to hold it or hug the little ones. I have no grandchildren so this is so special a gift to me.

I hope you aren't insulted by what I say. I love children and at times I despair when I see how some are growing up. You have a very special opportunity this year with your child. Merry Christmas.

[msomnipotent]

I went through something like this when we didn't have any money. I told my daughter that Santa has to buy toys for kids all over the world, and if he spent that much on her, there wouldn't be enough left for other kids. This was 5 minutes after she asked me if elves live in China since all the toys are made there. I told her that Santa has to buy toys because there are too many kids and not enough elves to make toys.

If you do wind up writing something, practice well before the big day. I found a letter to the tooth fairy wrapped around my daughter's tooth one year, and I had to sit there at 2 in the morning writing out an explanation to what happens to the teeth she takes, all in flowy, flowery, fairy cursive script when my natural penmanship looks like an angry ransom note. It took me a while. Not fun, but she loved the letter and kept it for years.

[rennigade]

Your child being 4....it may be a good time to break it to them that santa isnt real. That the gifts come from mommy and daddy and somehow explain that that you do not have money right now to purchase that today.

They're going to be in kindergarten next year. If they start talking about santa they may get bullied or beat up.

[Snydley]

Don't let a 4 year old hold you hostage to getting him some dream toy, because if you do that now, what demands will he be making when he is 11 or 14 or 18 or whatever age?

It is different when it comes to Santa, because according to the tale, Santa's elves will make what you ask for and $$ isn't a consideration. The child is not holding the mother "hostage" here, he is only asking for one item from Santa. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

This came up with my DD last year, and I told her that even thought elves make the toy, it's expensive for them to make this item she is asking because the materials cost a lot more $$ that other toys (which is why it's more in the store).

She did not buy this (maybe your child would?) and I would up buying the expensive item.

[Gailete]

It is different when it comes to Santa, because according to the tale, Santa's elves will make what you ask for and $$ isn't a consideration

Interesting. In all the Christmas stories involving Santa, I have never heard that Santa will bring you whatever you ask for, ever! I was always a good kid but that didn't mean he would bring me the things that I found and 'coveted' in the Sears and Pennys Christmas catalog. When I was an adult my mom told me how she would look through those books as well and dream of being able to buy us those gifts. It was never our reality however.

Even when I was making decent pay as a nurse before being hit with disability, I never paid $180 for one kid's gift much less my two boys combined never got that much spent on them. Usually presents ran $25-$50 tops per person and still do to this day.

This mom has already indicated that she can not spend $180 (plus tax?) for a gift for her child, and yet with the child already insisting on a very expensive gift, the child is holding her hostage to giving into their demands. She is asking for help in what to do. My advice is to tell in the gentllest way possible that that won't be happening. It will only get worse each year if she gives in to the request/demand.

[Butterscotch]

Your child being 4....it may be a good time to break it to them that santa isnt real. That the gifts come from mommy and daddy and somehow explain that that you do not have money right now to purchase that today.

They're going to be in kindergarten next year. If they start talking about santa they may get bullied or beat up.

He turned 4 on November 12th so he is in his first year of preschool and won’t go to Kindergarten until Sept 2019. I don’t know when I stopped believing in Santa, but I don’t think it was in preschool. I also don’t remember any fist fights in kindergarten. Thanks for the suggestion, but I don’t think I want to tell him Santa isn’t real yet.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Depends I guess what is the toy for $180 for a 4 year old? I've got a 5 year old and I'm curious what it is. I don't even know what to get my kids. My DK1 asked for a dream tent for $20 to read in. My DK2 (5 year old) hasn't asked other than when is santa coming. Might be due to not having Cable and not really watching tv, and we don't go to shopping. So their extent of toys is Costco and what other kids show them or if we happen to go out and see something. But seriously my kids are pretty clueless and so am I. Which is why I'm stuck as to what the heck santa is bringing.

Before I bought whatever seemed cool in Black Friday ads and last years I snagged Hatchimals but my kids had no idea what it was and neither did i. So I guess whatever works for your family.

I type this as I am about to head out to target and try to figure out what the hell to buy.

[kork13]

As you've said, you've rather shot yourself in the foot with your promises of Santa bringing him a great gift for being good.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the idea of lying to my children... So we're treating Santa Claus for who & what he is: a spirit of Christmas giving. We don't pretend that Santa is a magical gift deliveryman. Gifts that might say "From Santa Claus" are from someone who wishes to remain anonymous in their giving. This allows us to encourage our kids to be giving, so that they can BE Santa Claus, by giving gifts to friends or other kids in need without expectation of recognition. We just feel like that is a more meaningful way to celebrate Christmas. This is how my family handled Christmas growing up after we figured out the truth about Santa, so I figure to skip the falsehood.

Another point about gifts from Santa Claus.... I'm never going to get my kids a big, special gift & let a nonexistent fat man get all the glory. Big gifts come from Mom & Dad. "Santa" gifts (when we do them) are little things like books, small toys (Legos & matchbox cars), and stuff like that, where anyone may have chosen to give them a particular gift. Plus the stocking stuffers, which are all credited to the anonymous Santa givers (and anyone can put little things into others' stockings).

So I'm probably not much help to you... But my recommendation would be one of two things:
A) Stop lying to your son & make a conscious decision about what role (if any) that Santa plays in your Christmas. B) Start an aggressive campaign of expectation management, basically making it clear that Santa isn't bringing this amazing dream gift, and giving him a better idea of the things that Santa might bring.

For what it's worth, I (and I expect most people) don't remember most any gifts I was ever given for Christmas, or who they were from, except in the cases where my family specifically made a big deal about it, which ingrained the memory for me. I only say this to suggest that you be intentional about how you treat Christmas gifts. The attitude with which you handle them will guide how your kids treat the holiday.

[MonkeyMama]

I grew up in a home where there was never any expectation that Santa would be bringing anything, so no promises about be a good girl or boy.
...
All that to say, unless you know for sure that you will be able to provide all the gifts that a child will think to expect, and if not then don't let those expectations get started. Don't let a 4 year old hold you hostage to getting him some dream toy, because if you do that now, what demands will he be making when he is 11 or 14 or 18 or whatever age?

Totally agreed.

I don't like the idea of writing a letter either. I can see that it sounds like the easy way to get out of a corner, but it's doubling down on the fantasy side of things (which either will mean more unrealistic expectations in the future and/or breaking your child's heart when they realize Santa is not real). Whatever you do, just think more carefully about the more long-term ramifications.