Personal Collections & Valuables

[Fishindude77]

I'm currently helping a recently deceased good friends widow dispose of his firearms collection and don't want here getting ripped off on the deal. It's really overwhelming to her, as she doesn't know much about any of this stuff. I'm pretty knowledgeable in this area but no expert so I put together a spread sheet describing each gun and assigned what I feel is a reasonable price for each after researching online sales, etc. Told her if she sold to individuals, they need to pay pretty close to the prices listed. Also put her in touch with a dealer friend that buys & re-sells collections, but forewarned her they'd probably pay 20% or so less.

I guess the lesson learned here is that if you have a collection of valuable things yourself and are getting on in age, you should probably identify who you want things to go to, or how you want them disposed of. Better yet sell or give them away while you're still alive.

Between this project and putting my mother in law to rest recently, it's made it pretty clear that I need to get my act together in regards to all of this stuff, an up to date will, etc. Can't take it with ya !

[myrdale]

I put together a list of all my stuff a few years ago along with the value I thought it was worth, along with a photograph of each. I haven't kept the list up to date. The purpose was for insurance in the case of a fire / tornado. That list could be easily amended to include who you want it to go too.

Make sure you list beneficiaries on your accounts (checking / savings / 401k / IRA). These shouldn't be covered in your will.

[disneysteve]

I put together a spread sheet describing each gun and assigned what I feel is a reasonable price for each after researching online sales, etc. Told her if she sold to individuals, they need to pay pretty close to the prices listed. Also put her in touch with a dealer friend that buys & re-sells collections, but forewarned her they'd probably pay 20% or so less.

How much she can expect to get for them will really depend on how she wants to go about selling them. Your price list of comps is a great starting point but if it came from online sales like online auctions, she needs to keep in mind that means there was a national audience. Also, auctions will often bring higher prices than straight out sales because people get into bidding wars and their ego kicks in. If she is looking to sell locally, she may not get those prices, or if she does, it may take weeks or months to do so, so her timeline matters. If she doesn't mind holding onto everything for months or even years to find the right buyer, that's fine. If she'd prefer to sell everything faster, the prices will need to reflect that.

As for selling to a dealer, they're going to want to pay much less than market value. They need to be able to sell at a much higher price to account for overhead and taxes. As a collectibles dealer myself, I aim to pay no more than 20% of retail when I buy something.

Your suggestion to sell while you're alive is good, but also not as easy as it sounds. When my cousin was dying a couple of years ago, the only thing he wanted to sell himself was his one antique car. He wanted to know it was going to a good home, and he sold it a couple of months before he died. He did not want his other antique car being sold until he was gone. He enjoyed driving that until the last couple of weeks of his life. I sold it after he was gone, along with all of the rest of his belongings. For someone nearing death, starting to sell off belongings is depressing when you're already facing your own mortality.

[disneysteve]

I put together a list of all my stuff a few years ago along with the value I thought it was worth, along with a photograph of each. I haven't kept the list up to date. The purpose was for insurance in the case of a fire / tornado. That list could be easily amended to include who you want it to go too.

Make sure you list beneficiaries on your accounts (checking / savings / 401k / IRA). These shouldn't be covered in your will.

All good advice. I would add to leave behind a list of all accounts, account numbers, and passwords for access. Now that most of our financial lives are online, it's very important to do this. Naming a beneficiary is critically important, but it's equally important for your heirs to know exactly what accounts you have and how to access them. Before my cousin died, we sat down and went over everything in detail so I knew every account I had to deal with after he died. It made the task so much easier having that information.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

How much she can expect to get for them will really depend on how she wants to go about selling them. Your price list of comps is a great starting point but if it came from online sales like online auctions, she needs to keep in mind that means there was a national audience. Also, auctions will often bring higher prices than straight out sales because people get into bidding wars and their ego kicks in. If she is looking to sell locally, she may not get those prices, or if she does, it may take weeks or months to do so, so her timeline matters. If she doesn't mind holding onto everything for months or even years to find the right buyer, that's fine. If she'd prefer to sell everything faster, the prices will need to reflect that.

As for selling to a dealer, they're going to want to pay much less than market value. They need to be able to sell at a much higher price to account for overhead and taxes. As a collectibles dealer myself, I aim to pay no more than 20% of retail when I buy something.

Your suggestion to sell while you're alive is good, but also not as easy as it sounds. When my cousin was dying a couple of years ago, the only thing he wanted to sell himself was his one antique car. He wanted to know it was going to a good home, and he sold it a couple of months before he died. He did not want his other antique car being sold until he was gone. He enjoyed driving that until the last couple of weeks of his life. I sold it after he was gone, along with all of the rest of his belongings. For someone nearing death, starting to sell off belongings is depressing when you're already facing your own mortality.

What about people who are lingering but unaware? I think maybe you could sell it them if their loved ones was in the right frame of mind. But my mom wont' let anything go in general and pointing out my dad doesn't need 200 suits makes her mad. When I suggest disposing of his clothes that don't fit and instead moving the clothes that fit and he does wear to an easier location. Well she can't do it. I'd also like to get rid of the 1000+ cds my dad has to clean out a room she calls the music room so that she can maybe move more things into rooms and not in hallways and areas for better mobility. But she wont' do it. He never listens to the CDs.

[disneysteve]

What about people who are lingering but unaware? I think maybe you could sell it them if their loved ones was in the right frame of mind. But my mom wont' let anything go in general and pointing out my dad doesn't need 200 suits makes her mad. When I suggest disposing of his clothes that don't fit and instead moving the clothes that fit and he does wear to an easier location. Well she can't do it. I'd also like to get rid of the 1000+ cds my dad has to clean out a room she calls the music room so that she can maybe move more things into rooms and not in hallways and areas for better mobility. But she wont' do it. He never listens to the CDs.

That's so hard but I get it. It's partly denial and just overall hard to let go, especially when the person is still here. Heck, many people struggle to get rid of a loved one's belongings even months or years after they've died. We attach a lot of sentimental value to physical objects. We're afraid that getting rid of their things is somehow not honoring their memory, or that it will lead to us forgetting them.

I went through a bit of that when my cousin died. I spent 6 weeks cleaning out his house and had to decide over and over what to keep and what to toss. For most things it was easy, but for personal items it was much more difficult. Do I keep his name tag from his last job (and the ones before that)? It seemed wrong somehow to just toss them in the trash but they had no actual value to anyone and I certainly didn't need them. What about awards he had won? Or awards his father and mother had won that he still had? I remember them well but why did I need that stuff.

In the end, I got rid of most of it during the cleanout but I did keep a couple of small boxes of stuff. I actually just went through them again a few weeks ago and got rid of much of it, over 2 years after his death. I just wasn't ready to toss them before that.

To your mom, those suits and CDs are a reminder of who your dad has been and she's not ready to break that connection yet.

[ua_guy]

I've seen this go down a couple of ways...stuff for stuff until the very end. Or, the people like my maternal grandma who started going through things when she felt the time was right. At the end of the road, only the basics were left. Everything of value or anything sentimental had a clear owner when she passed. Nobody had to dig through memories or keepsakes or determine who should have what, or what to do with ____ . Her family was already handling finances and had power of attorney. Everything was taken care of...there were no questions or people left in a lurch. I think about it now...that was many years ago...it takes a strong person to do that.

[crazyliblady]

I've seen this go down a couple of ways...stuff for stuff until the very end. Or, the people like my maternal grandma who started going through things when she felt the time was right. At the end of the road, only the basics were left. Everything of value or anything sentimental had a clear owner when she passed. Nobody had to dig through memories or keepsakes or determine who should have what, or what to do with ____ . Her family was already handling finances and had power of attorney. Everything was taken care of...there were no questions or people left in a lurch. I think about it now...that was many years ago...it takes a strong person to do that.

Yes, it takes a strong person and a person with foresight to recognize she does not want her heirs to be fighting over the fine china and who gets the guns. And I mentioned "who gets the guns" on purpose. That's exactly what happened in my family when my grandfather died. His brothers, cousins, etc. all came to her home on the same day asking for his guns. She told them all to get out because she was getting it all (that's what his will said). Is still can't believe the nerve of some people. smh

[disneysteve]

I've seen this go down a couple of ways...stuff for stuff until the very end. Or, the people like my maternal grandma who started going through things when she felt the time was right. At the end of the road, only the basics were left. Everything of value or anything sentimental had a clear owner when she passed. Nobody had to dig through memories or keepsakes or determine who should have what, or what to do with ____ . Her family was already handling finances and had power of attorney. Everything was taken care of...there were no questions or people left in a lurch. I think about it now...that was many years ago...it takes a strong person to do that.

Look up Swedish Death Cleaning.

[bjl584]

My uncle passed unexpectedly last winter and it was a wake up call to the family to start the process of having wills in place and placing values on possessions.

[myrdale]

What about people who are lingering but unaware? I think maybe you could sell it them if their loved ones was in the right frame of mind. But my mom wont' let anything go in general and pointing out my dad doesn't need 200 suits makes her mad. When I suggest disposing of his clothes that don't fit and instead moving the clothes that fit and he does wear to an easier location. Well she can't do it. I'd also like to get rid of the 1000+ cds my dad has to clean out a room she calls the music room so that she can maybe move more things into rooms and not in hallways and areas for better mobility. But she wont' do it. He never listens to the CDs.

I am confused, is your father still alive? If so, what is his opinion about his CD's and suits? Or is he hospitalized / nursing home?

It may be your mother is a hoarder. Mine is to a certain extent. It's not as bad as you see on TV but I see how she might get there one day. I have to press hard on myself to get rid of clutter as well.

I've tried to implement a 5 year rule: If I haven't touched in 5 years, and I probably ain't going to touch it for another 5 years, I throw it away. And if I need another one next month... you know what I can go buy another at that point!

[myrdale]

Yesterday Clark Howard was talking about a service for cataloging your items and I thought about this thread. The service did have a goofy name. I thought he said "Stuffology" but when I googled that I came up empty handed. The service allowed you to add photos of your positions.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I am confused, is your father still alive? If so, what is his opinion about his CD's and suits? Or is he hospitalized / nursing home?

It may be your mother is a hoarder. Mine is to a certain extent. It's not as bad as you see on TV but I see how she might get there one day. I have to press hard on myself to get rid of clutter as well.

I've tried to implement a 5 year rule: If I haven't touched in 5 years, and I probably ain't going to touch it for another 5 years, I throw it away. And if I need another one next month... you know what I can go buy another at that point!

My dad is alive and at home but not really cognizant. She is a hoarder. The fact that they have boxes of take out boxes and butter containers, enouogh said. There is a lot of stuff worth nothing. Okay maybe disneysteve could sell it but most of us would toss stuff and be okay. I am okay with tossing takeout containers. I wash and recycle them, but I don't keep stuff like that. That's the sort of thing that honestly they should clean out so we can walk through the house or sit down.

[myrdale]

My dad is alive and at home but not really cognizant. She is a hoarder.....

I should imagine she is under a great deal of stress. Presumably having to be the full time care giver for him. For some reason people think stuff will provide security. That's not an excuse, but an explanation for the behavior.

Mom's thing is plastic bags. Bags full of bags hanging from door knobs. Clutter across the kitchen table when you're eating a meal together. Stuff stacked up in every corner of the house. She sleeps on the couch because she keeps stuff piled up on her bed half the time. First the excuse was having to take care of my grandmother, then it was having to take care of Dad, now it's having to watch my niece & nephew. The truth is she has always been unorganized. When Dad was around he could help maintain things.

I've learned just to hold my tongue, and occasionally my breath.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I should imagine she is under a great deal of stress. Presumably having to be the full time care giver for him. For some reason people think stuff will provide security. That's not an excuse, but an explanation for the behavior.

Mom's thing is plastic bags. Bags full of bags hanging from door knobs. Clutter across the kitchen table when you're eating a meal together. Stuff stacked up in every corner of the house. She sleeps on the couch because she keeps stuff piled up on her bed half the time. First the excuse was having to take care of my grandmother, then it was having to take care of Dad, now it's having to watch my niece & nephew. The truth is she has always been unorganized. When Dad was around he could help maintain things.

I've learned just to hold my tongue, and occasionally my breath.

Any I have learned that I secretly throw boxes of stuff away when I have no where to sit. I say nothing and toss it. I decided I won't complain but I'd like to have a place to sit and sleep so me and the kid carve out spaces for us in the stuff. It's getting worse with age. My DH reminded me when we met he had his own bedroom to borrow in the house that had a bed. That is LONG gone and no way do we have a bed to sleep on or a room to borow. Each room is full of stuff.