gifting your children/grandchildren

[LivingAlmostLarge]

So my parents give my kids $50 a birthday and $50 at christmas so $100/year. They give all their grandchildren this. My in-laws nothing. Nothing from my siblings, nothing from my BIL, nothing really from any relatives. So my kids get $100/year except what we put aside. And according to a savings calculator they would have at 6% $3200 in gifts. Which is good but not enough to cover a year of college.

But a lot of times people suggest instead of gifts (tangible) ask your relatives for $$. I don't get it. How much do people give/get from their parents/family/siblings, etc? Is it more than $100/year? Is $100/year a lot? Little? DH has no relatives with small children in the states. My family are not big gift givers period. We don't exchange with my cousins and my neices and nephews I was too young to "gift" them stuff until more recently.

But in a couple of threads people talk about family gifting things. How much do people give or get? Growing up we were poor so $5 was a lot to me and I usually spent it. I had nothing saved by my family at 18 for college really my mom is/was bad with money. Plus I feel like my parents and in-laws feel like we should be supporting ourselves like they did and if we get anything it's "icing on the cake" after they die. There is no money coming my way another 30 years I'm not joking either.

But I'm starting to think that people give more than $50 as a gift which It thought was fine but not like so much that when people say "ask your family to contribute to a college fund." I thought would make a huge difference. Do people normally give more?

[disneysteve]

I'm like you. My mom gives my daughter money from time to time, but it's on the order of a few hundred a year. But there are some whose families are well off and do make much more substantial gifts. Sometimes it is part of their estate planning to distribute assets while they're alive using the gift exemption rules.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

How much is the gift to make a substantial chunk towards college savings? I mean if my mom was handing over $500 or $1000 I would say so. Or spending that much on a vacation for us or a gift for us then great. But we're talking orders of magnitude when it's $50 cash and a small present. Or some clothes. Not really a big dent towards stuff. Like my neighbors this year his parents bought his son a bike for his birthday. The guy also got a fire pit that's $2k for his birthday. Not a big deal his parents are very well off. But my parents gave my kiddo $50 and a small present to open (which is way more than my in-laws so I'm grateful). But not exactly substantial enough to tell my mom hey instead of a $500 bike can I get the cash for college? But the same neighbor has also said they don't need to save for college because his parents have trusts for all the grandkids.

But that's my point i don't get how much people are getting for their kids that it makes a huge dent in savings. Do most people's kids also get pretty large expensive presents from their families? like $100+ gifts or toys? Xbox, bike, etc?

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

As you are picking up on, that advice to ask family to redirect gifts to college savings is meant for people whose kids are getting sizeable gifts or many small gifts to start with.

I cannot remember my child getting cash giftsfrom family --not even $5-- ever. Even in-kind birthday or Christmas gifts were pretty rare. So there would have been nothing to re-direct to college savings.

[disneysteve]

i don't get how much people are getting for their kids that it makes a huge dent in savings. Do most people's kids also get pretty large expensive presents from their families? like $100+ gifts or toys? Xbox, bike, etc?

Absolutely. Lots of people go hog wild on gifts for their kids and grandkids and nieces and nephews. Some go neck-deep in debt every year and take all year (or more) to pay it off. Others can actually afford it. But yes, spending hundreds per kid on gifts each year is pretty common. I see it all the time when coworkers talk about what their kids got for Christmas and/or what they gave other kids in the family.

[kork13]

This naturally varies dramatically between various families & family dynamics.

My father reliably gives cash for Christmas & birthdays, anywhere from $20 (kids) to as much as $400-$500 (to DW & I at Christmas). My grandmother (DKs' great grandmother, now like... 94y/o) determinedly sends $20/mo for each kid (generously but needlessly wanting to help with their future needs--we match & invest it in their UTMAs), plus ½ our age in cash at birthdays, and $5-$10/person at Christmas.

In my family, I could easily ask for gifts to be made direct to DKs' 529 accounts vs. toys, etc, and my siblings would likely oblige. They know I'm financially minded, so that request would make sense coming from me, and I'd happily do the same for any of their families. But in other families, that might not go over very well, and come across as demanding, ungrateful, or otherwise.

My personal opinion is to know your family, and don't try to compare. Some families will move heaven and earth to throw monetary help at kids/siblings/etc, all you need is but to ask. Others won't offer a dime under any circumstances. Graciously accept (or decline) what is offered (accepting also if that number is zero), and move on.

[mumof2]

I think it depends on the family...We are not well off but we do okay I budget giving our girls and my hubby $200 for their birthday (they are adults) we have a budget for christmas so they can either get the money, gift or usually both....my kids only have my mother as a grandparent and she has far to many grandkids and greatkids to give them money or gifts anymore (we are talking like over 60), I think if you prefer money then ask family for that and just let it be their choice...I think people give what they want and whatever people give you you should be grateful for...but that is just me!

[Jluke]

I don’t equate gifting and birthday gifts.

gifting might coincide with a birthday or holiday but to me that could be a one time event or more frequent depending on the person doing the gifting.

I would not expect birthday or Christmas cash gifts to cover or put a dent in a college education.

I just gave my son $500. It’s something.

Perhaps the best education with a $50 monetary gift is to let the kid decide what to do with it - spend it, save it etc. that feeling of having money to not having any money if they spend it all could be a great life lesson. Or not because we all know people are wired differently when it comes to money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

As you are picking up on, that advice to ask family to redirect gifts to college savings is meant for people whose kids are getting sizeable gifts or many small gifts to start with.

I cannot remember my child getting cash giftsfrom family --not even $5-- ever. Even in-kind birthday or Christmas gifts were pretty rare. So there would have been nothing to re-direct to college savings.

That's it the advice to redirect gifts to kids savings. But there isn't a lot to save or gifts to trade in. I mean I don't think my family would think it's rude to ask for money but if they aren't giving anything then it's pretty rude to ask or expect anything.

Jluke I can't because my mom says when she gives the $50 check for birthday and christmas it should go into their savings account. So they would have $1800 plus interest (very minimal nowdays) after 18 years.

Disneysteve yeah I guess that's it. Is the fact that we don't go hog wild on presents. For the kids birthdays we do a pretty nice party but even this year my DK2 didn't get a gift because there wasn't anything she wanted. My DK1 for her birthday last year got earrings. My DK2 at her party had 3 kids at what was a chuck e cheese style place. Not even a meal we went from 2-4 pm and a slush on the way home. No cake (except well with us) and no gift. So it wasn't a big over the top. DK1 got takeout in january, earrings, and a sleepover of two friends. Christmas for the most part the kids get $20 to buy what they want, advent calendars (used to be chocolate and lego), a book, pajama, and big toy like $50. Now it's not even that much. They don't even want lego advent anymore asked for the lindt chocolate advent calendar (my DH gets that and a bee advent too!) and I get nothing.

So I guess since we aren't big gift traders that I don't get when people say redirect the money to savings. There isn't money earmarked for gifts, there isn't money earmarked for anyone.

I am just wondering on this board since that's typical advice to redirect the money how much do people really spend? It can't be like $50 right? people are talking about more?

[srblanco7]

We aren't big on niece & nephew gifts in my family - typically around $50 for birthdays and holidays. DW family doesn't do gifts at all.

We've viewed teaching our kids good money habits & funding college as our responsibility. Kids received a $20/month allowance to spend and $10/month for savings. From a relatively young age, we also gifted my kids $50/mo to their savings and contributed to their 529s each month. If they decided to put their allowance to savings, we matched them an additional 50%. Once kids were gainfully employed in high school, we stopped the 50% match - too expensive. Thankfully, both kids seem to learned what we tried to teach and have done a nice job saving from their own earnings.

[ua_guy]

Another data point, if this counts. I give my nieces $100 each for their birthdays and again for Christmas. Started when they were about 8. That was big money then. As they get older, that same amount becomes more "token". The oldest turned 18 and I gave her $200 for her birthday, and then another $300 for graduation in the summer. But, they are the only kids in the family I give to because I only have one sibling she she only has two children. Maybe it's generous or maybe it's not, I don't know.

I'm almost 40 and my mom still gifts me money for birthdays and Christmas, sometimes. I've had very polite conversations with her that it's not necessary (hasn't been for a very long time) and NO gifts are just fine, but, she insists. Then again, I'm pretty sure she still thinks we live on the edge of our paychecks, something that also hasn't been necessary for a very long time. For my 39th, she bought me coveralls (I happened to be talking about wanting a pair for my car projects earlier this year-- and she wrote it down) and gave me a check for $200. "Because you're still my baby boy no matter how old you are" she said.

I've been waffling on whether to send the oldest niece money this year for her 19th. She just went off to college a month ago and is homesick and is apparently having trouble budgeting the free money she gets from mom. She'll figure it out. I'm leaning towards maintaining my status as the cool uncle, $100 isn't going to change my life, but it might brighten hers even temporarily.

[Fishindude77]

Growing up we might get $5-10 for a birthday or Christmas from a grandparent, etc. My uncle used to buy our hunting and fishing licenses every year for Christmas.
Dad gave an allowance , but there were chores expected. Anything additional required extra work and effort. He was self employed so could always find something for us to do.
His philosophy was .... I'm not going to give you money, but will give you ample opportunity to earn money. Myself and siblings all started working very young.
We operated similarly with our kids when they lived at home.

We tend to be pretty generous to immediate family. Typically give our kids $2-5k cash at Christmas just to help them out, they all work and are not deadbeats.
Set each of our grand kids up with a mutual fund account with an initial $10k / each contribution (which is now over $20k). Also took the stimulus money we received and added to the grandkids accounts.
Heck, I'm 62 and my dad is still living on his own. May as well give the $$ away now and see it go to good use, rather than wait till you're dead.

Have given nieces and nephews pretty nice gifts like guns, bikes, cash, etc. Have given siblings and close friends lump sums of cash on more than one occasion when they were in a pinch, with no intention of ever getting anything back.
We also try to give pretty generously to local charities that are important to us.

What good is money if you can't share it with others?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Growing up we might get $5-10 for a birthday or Christmas from a grandparent, etc. My uncle used to buy our hunting and fishing licenses every year for Christmas.
Dad gave an allowance , but there were chores expected. Anything additional required extra work and effort. He was self employed so could always find something for us to do.
His philosophy was .... I'm not going to give you money, but will give you ample opportunity to earn money. Myself and siblings all started working very young.
We operated similarly with our kids when they lived at home.

We tend to be pretty generous to immediate family. Typically give our kids $2-5k cash at Christmas just to help them out, they all work and are not deadbeats.
Set each of our grand kids up with a mutual fund account with an initial $10k / each contribution (which is now over $20k). Also took the stimulus money we received and added to the grandkids accounts.
Heck, I'm 62 and my dad is still living on his own. May as well give the $$ away now and see it go to good use, rather than wait till you're dead.

Have given nieces and nephews pretty nice gifts like guns, bikes, cash, etc. Have given siblings and close friends lump sums of cash on more than one occasion when they were in a pinch, with no intention of ever getting anything back.
We also try to give pretty generously to local charities that are important to us.

What good is money if you can't share it with others?

This is what I would love to aspire too. having enough to not worry and helping my kids.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I was looking back at this thread, and my kids for christmas got very nice gifts from DH and I, three each and some stocking stuffers, and $50 from my parents $50 gift card to google play from my in-laws and $5 from my grandma. That's it. Nothing else. My older one bought two friends $10 gifts. So I stuck the $100 into their taxable savings accounts, which have will have like $2-3k when they turn 18 but all of the college savings has come from us. They have these cute savings accounts that keep the cash gift $100/year from my parents mostly, my in laws sometimes give us a gift usually not. But it's not enough to max out a coverdell every year.

I'm writing my $2k ESA checks right now and I got questioned about contributing and being over $200k income. I gift it to the kids annually. Anyway it's frustrating that articles and people keep saying ask your family for money to put into college accounts when it's not happening. I'd like to be in a position to do it for my kids and I probably will be, but I totally get how people read these articles and feel frustrated when you realize that it caters to a certain type of person.

[myrdale]

I send my niece and nephew $2 per year per birthday ($20 @ 10 yrs, $22 @ 11 yrs, etc.). I figured this was a pretty good balance to not be extravagant while giving something meaning full. I did think it was funny though because my niece has not figured my system out yet, and declared that I sent her "extra" money for her birthday.

I sent my sister / brother in law's nephews $100 for high school graduations.

My close friends, I try to do $250 for weddings (for the first wedding only!!).

For Mother's Day, Christmas, and her birthday, I send Mom a $50 gift card to a restaurant so she can take one of her friends out.

Even at 40, I still get the occasional card in the mail from Mom with $20 for tacos or a burger.