Ah, visits by cheap relatives -- who wouldn't want that !

[sv2007]

One thing I don't like a whole lot is people come for the purpose of "visiting" you but actually spend very little time with you.

For this Christmas, my sister in-law's family of 4 is here (but, in reality, not here ! ). How? you ask? Well, let's see, they arrived yesterday mroning on the red eye, after resting, borrowed our car to visit friends, came back at night at 10PM. Today we'll take them to see some sights, tomorrow, they plan to visit more relatives in Fresno (3.5hrs drive) and will come back very late. Tomorrow, they plan to meet up with some friends for the whole day. Monday morning, they will take our car for a week to go to LA for a cruise, planning to come back to our house on Friday (after the cruise), then leave Sat morning.

I just don't get them. Wouldn't a hotel and rental car be much easier on their itinerary? This isn't the first time they did this; they visit us at least once each year since we moved back to CA but I still hardly know them : )

Guess I shouldn't complain, as they aren't really staying with us that long esp since our house is pretty small. When we were in TX and had a large house, this sister in-law visited only once (and we lived there many years).

Ah, what can you do right? Start a fight with the wife? I don't even know how; it's been a while since we fought. I did suggest that maybe they should fly into LA and visit us from there (can even save cruise parking $) to wife, who rejected that idea : (

Oh long post, but I'm sure everybody has experience this type of visitors.

[disneysteve]

We have no such experience, nor would we ever accept or tolerate that sort of thing in our home.

First off, we don't have a guest room.
Second, no way in hell would I ever let anyone borrow my car.

Sometimes the answer is to just say no.

[kork13]

I'm almost the opposite... I love having family come visit, but I still want my space, and don't want them attached to my hip. My in-laws always try to insist on tagging along for everything -- grocery store run, doctor's appointment, and going to work included!!! That behavior is one reason I vehemently refuse to live close to them. One option for where I could be stationed is an hour north of them, but if we live that close, they'll always try to rope is in to doing everything under the sun with them, or they'll do by on unannounced visits and want to inject themselves into our lives...... No thank you.

But again, I do enjoy having friends or family come visit, and intentionally keep a guest bedroom available. I just want them to have plans that don't necessarily require my participation. Would I let them borrow a car for an afternoon? Yes, if I want going to need it for anything. But take it for a long drive, or keep it for a week? No way -- I'll happily help them get to the rental car place, and even help them find a good discount.

[sv2007]

First off, we don't have a guest room.
Second, no way in hell would I ever let anyone borrow my car.

Sometimes the answer is to just say no.

We also don't have a guest room; they are staying in the play room.

Our CA house is only 1800 sq ft (1 living, 1 dining, 4 bed, 2.5 bath), so you can image how small each room is. We used to let them stay in son's bedroom and play room, but now our son's older, it's hard to move him into our bedroom.

Unfortunately, it isn't easy to just say "no" in this case because wife thinks she can't say "no" in these situations.

[sv2007]

But again, I do enjoy having friends or family come visit, and intentionally keep a guest bedroom available. I just want them to have plans that don't necessarily require my participation. Would I let them borrow a car for an afternoon? Yes, if I want going to need it for anything. But take it for a long drive, or keep it for a week? No way -- I'll happily help them get to the rental car place, and even help them find a good discount.

I don't mind people visiting and doing their own thing; but I don't like it when they don't just come out and say they don't really want to hang out but just want to use our house as a hote

[disneysteve]

wife thinks she can't say "no" in these situations.

Suze Orman is fond of saying that women (because this problem tends to be more with women) need to learn to say No out of love instead of Yes out of fear.

Women often say yes when they really want to say no because they fear rejection or disappointment or whatever. So they end up letting people walk all over them and take advantage of them.

I'm not saying that's the situation in your case but it is a common scenario.

[cypher1]

Suze Orman is fond of saying that women (because this problem tends to be more with women) need to learn to say No out of love instead of Yes out of fear.

Women often say yes when they really want to say no because they fear rejection or disappointment or whatever. So they end up letting people walk all over them and take advantage of them.

Not meant to be sexist, but I can think of plenty of examples between my mom, and three sisters; where one is scared to say no to another, or sometimes not voice their opinion to prevent conflict.

[StormRichards]

How? you ask?

[StormRichards]

Of course like many of your thread titles, I thought this was going to be an entirely different thread. They are going on a cruise. Cheap is not a word that comes to mind. USERS perhaps is a better fit.

[QuarterMillionMan]

On a much smaller scale I can relate to sv's "cheap relatives." My SIL (my brother's wife) every Christmas sends me a box of canned goods which I wouldn't mind so much if half of the freaking cans weren't dented. I would rather that she not send me anything at all than to insult me with her damaged canned goods. No way in hell would she be able to stay over with me. Rant over (lol).

[sv2007]

Of course like many of your thread titles, I thought this was going to be an entirely different thread. They are going on a cruise. Cheap is not a word that comes to mind. USERS perhaps is a better fit.

I find cheap people aren't usually cheap to themselves but are cheap to others around them (or just don't consider others much).

Arriving red eye and not renting a car means I'm driving to the airport at 3AM. I wanted them to take public transit but wife wanted me to pick them up because of the large amounts of luggage.

Borrowing our car for next week for their cruise trip, means I had to ask coworkers for rides to and back from the office for a few days and arrange car sharing with my wife for other days.

[disneysteve]

Borrowing our car for next week for their cruise trip, means I had to ask coworkers for rides to and back from the office for a few days and arrange car sharing with my wife for other days.

No offense, but I just don't get saying Yes in that case. If you had an extra car that wasn't already in use, I could see you offering it to them. I can't see letting them use the car you need to get to and from work. And I wouldn't put up with anyone who would expect me to lend them my primary transportation either.

Maybe it's a cultural thing but no, just no.

[StormRichards]

Maybe it's a cultural thing

I was wondering the same thing.

[StormRichards]

OP, you and I have a different view of the word cheap.

[msomnipotent]

Geez, and I felt bad that we asked our niece to pick us up at the airport in March so we could save $300 on a car rental. Your situation is out of control. I would just say that the person you were depending on to ride to work with is now sick and they will have to rent a car to get to the cruise.