Should I have done this?

[HundredK]

So, it has occurred to me lately that one of my issues with spending is that I am too generous to others. Especially to those I feel are somehow less fortunate than me. I've really gotten that under control recently, but today there was an interesting situation. I was in the grocery store, and the woman in front of me was trying to pay for her groceries by trying to swipe credit card after credit card and they were all getting declined. I could see her getting embarrassed and more upset each time one was declined, and she looked like she could really use a good meal. She seemed desperate. So I bought her groceries for her, a little less than a hundred dollars.

Now, I'm still in debt, and the money I spent on her groceries will reduce the amount of extra payments I am able to make on debt this month. So, I'm just wondering, what would you all have done? Teach me where my thinking is broken. Should I have done that, or not?

[Jluke]

Just be on the lookout for people using Access cards to pay for part of their groceries.

In the Sunday paper there was an advice column where the writer claims they had routinely helped friends/families financially over the years. Now at 70 years old their house is being foreclosed on. had that money been saved they would be perfectly fine.

Everything in moderation. I'd consider this your good deed for 4Q 2016.

[disneysteve]

I can't answer "should I have done this?" That's up to you.

I can answer "would I have done this?" and the answer to that is definitely no.

[HundredK]

I can't answer "should I have done this?" That's up to you.

I can answer "would I have done this?" and the answer to that is definitely no.

Can you elaborate as to why not? I think it would help if I changed how I think about these things, but I don't know how. If you can explain your thinking, that would be really helpful to me.

[HundredK]

Just be on the lookout for people using Access cards to pay for part of their groceries.

What is an Access card?

[FLA]

I wouldn't have done it because I honestly don't have 100 bucks to spare. I might have given her 10 so she could buy a sandwich. I think you were very kind, though.

[disneysteve]

My wife and I give thousands of dollars to charitable causes each year. We volunteer hundreds of hours of our time, as well.

What we don't do is give handouts to beggars, homeless people, people looking for "bus fare" at the casino, the guy who stands on the one corner near us with the flag and the God Bless America sign soliciting every car that drives by, or anyone who comes knocking on our door or calls us on the phone.

I realize that this woman wasn't asking for money, but I'd follow the same rules there.

Also, we only give to charity within the bounds of our financial ability. If we couldn't afford it, we wouldn't do it. I think that applies here, too.

[Jluke]

What is an Access card?

Sorry, maybe that is a Pennsylvania thing. It's basically "food stamps" to help out people in need.

I watch people use the Access card first towards their grocery bill (it only allows purchase of certain items); then cash, then another credit card to complete the payment.

I have always thought it would be a nice gesture to do what you did, but the closest I have come is giving a gift card to the person behind me in line that had $3 on it. That gave me a decent high.

[rennigade]

I wouldnt have picked up the tab for her. If it made you feel good and it wont break the bank then chalk it up as a win. It is nice to help other people...I do it in different ways.

On a side note...next time use the self checkout line!

[97guns]

its great to help someone but you have to help yourself first, imo you are in no position to be throwing $100 to a stranger. i do not give to anyone i dont know, theres a stranger on every block looking for a handout, i have plenty of people that i know and that are in need and my charity goes to them

[DaveInPgh]

You did a really nice thing and I don't think you should dwell on how it impacts your own finances. Clearly you are not in the position to make it a habit, but you made a difference in someone's life. I find it more rewarding to help someone out directly than making charitable donations, which in far too many situations dwindles from administrative expenses.

[GoodSteward]

None of us make enough to help every person who is in need because there will always be someone in need. While it is wrong to help others too much driving you into your own financial ruin, I believe we lose part of what it means to be human when we refuse to help others even when it isn't the best time. We can give to charities all we want, but helping someone face to face carries a different kind of emotion, a fulfillment you will not get giving to a group where you don't know who is actually being helped.

I can't say for sure if you did or didn't do the right thing. I'm a little bewildered that someone was trying to buy nearly 100$ worth of groceries not knowing how to pay. The part of me that always questions these things is the high amount of scams out there. You hear of people acting homeless and then they go home to a nice place. It's their living.

None of us should shut off helping someone in need just because it isn't part of our immediate plans. Forgoing 20$ or 30$ every once in a while isn't the end of the world to most of us here, even those in deep debt. But it could mean the world to someone else who has nothing at all. I would say use this as a reason to keep pushing towards financial freedom. In the words of Dave Ramsey, Live like no one else today so you can give like no one else tomorrow. It's what I want.

[DaveInPgh]

GoodSteward, I think your words on this topic are spot on without any help from a finance guru.

[sblatner]

So, it has occurred to me lately that one of my issues with spending is that I am too generous to others. Especially to those I feel are somehow less fortunate than me. I've really gotten that under control recently, but today there was an interesting situation. I was in the grocery store, and the woman in front of me was trying to pay for her groceries by trying to swipe credit card after credit card and they were all getting declined. I could see her getting embarrassed and more upset each time one was declined, and she looked like she could really use a good meal. She seemed desperate. So I bought her groceries for her, a little less than a hundred dollars.

Now, I'm still in debt, and the money I spent on her groceries will reduce the amount of extra payments I am able to make on debt this month. So, I'm just wondering, what would you all have done? Teach me where my thinking is broken. Should I have done that, or not?

Don't second guess yourself. You did a good deed. Who knows what is going on in her life. Like someone said, think of it as your good deed for Q4. My mom says the more good you do, the more good will come back to you (she says it more eloquently).

[sv2007]

payments I am able to make on debt this month. So, I'm just wondering, what would you all have done? Teach me where my thinking is broken. Should I have done that, or not?

I would not have paid for her.

Should you have done what you did? Well, only you would know since we all live our own lives. But since you posted this, I think deep down you didn't really want to pay for her (or at least have enough doubt to post). Therefore, I'd say you shouldn't have.