Office Shakedowns

[Bob B.]

I work in a small office - there are eight of us.

It seems to be getting to the point that if someone's second cousin dies, as long as a coworker was close to them, there's a collection to chip in toward the trashy gift given on behalf of the whole office. Add in Christmas, administrative assistant day, and other stuff, it's getting to be a monthly shakedown.

It ends up being about $10 per person asked to go toward the gift.

I'm all for showing support after the death of a parent, spouse, or child. But brother-in-law? Grandparent when the grandparent was 90+?

Am I a scrooge? or is someone outside the fairly tight circle of parent, spouse, or child asking too much of your coworkers?

I'll also say that six of my seven coworkers make less money than I do. Although I'm the only one who is married with a family who has a single income. But, still, I doubt most people should be contributing regularly to a mourning fund.

[DaveInPgh]

Thankfully I don't deal with this as much as I used to, but my wife gets hit up a lot. No, I don't think you are a scrooge but some of your coworkers might if you try to skip contributing to the envelope. Frustrating for sure.

The one that irritates me the most is when an envelope is passed around for my wife's boss at Christmas. The end result is her giving up hard earn cashed toward his gift, and receiving one of the dozen gift cards he picks up at the coffee shop. She doesn't drink coffee!!!

[GoodSteward]

No, that is bad office practice to ask that often. It is no longer a benefit when gifts become a burden. That creates other difficulties, the same reason you are posting on here. It's obviously annoying enough to speak out so it will hinder your relationship with the people who keep putting you on the spot. These kinds of things should be avoided in my opinion to keep an office group free of drama.

[Fishindude77]

I'm betting you aren't the only one that feels this way.
When you have a break in between these events, call a little meeting to discuss with all and decide what is appropriate.

Speaking for myself, I'd sure rather see a coworker show up at a close relatives funeral visitation, rather than receive flowers that get thrown out.
To me, showing up means more.

[DaveInPgh]

Personally, I don't want coworkers present when I am trying to mourn a family member. My boss showed up when my dad passed, and I respect that he was doing what he felt was appropriate. However, I would have preferred to just receive a card.

How these things are handled can definitely create animosity at work. There have been MANY times over the years where coworkers have carpooled during work hours to pay their respects at a viewing.

I know this is contradicting what I had just wrote, but despite preferring not to have coworkers attend it still rubbed me the wrong way that the same wasn't done for me when I lost a parent. And the location was much more convenient than some that they had previously attended. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone, but I couldn't help but feel slighted.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

A trashy gift? I have not heard of gift-giving for a funeral. Well, not other than 1) food for the family and mourners who come from out of town, and 2) flowers. I can't imagine the awkwardness of giving or receiving anything else.

If you can get the matter onto a workplace meeting agenda associated with money in general, I think all your co-workers would appreciate it. So perhaps at the calendar year end, the fiscal year end, the time when w-2s are being mailed, when the company / office budget is being presented, when petty cash is being explained, planned, delineated, etc. That way, connection from any one person's "funeral benefit" is removed and feels more like just another workplace money matter. I'd hope no one will feel like their case is the one that broke the camel's back.

BTW, when my mother died a year ago, a new relative (by marriage) who lives in your neck of the woods wanted to send us money in a card. I had never heard of that before, but I imagine it is a custom from days gone by when people living on very little really could be broken by the expense of a burial and, especially, loss of a family member's work at home or farm, or their loss of income. So the custom made sense to me and was touching.

[DaveInPgh]

Money in a card is common here in Pittsburgh.

[rennigade]

We only chip in money when someone in our direct group has a baby. Other than that...no thanks.

When I worked at Sprint a corporate email eventually went out to everyone that they were no longer allowed to sell fundraiser stuff for their kids. I liked that idea. Not many people want to buy popcorn, magazine subscriptions, candy bars, etc etc. I have an easy enough time saying No without any excuses but for some its just awkward.

[greenskeeper]

instead of cash you should slip in some hand written notes of wisdom such as "don't take wooden nickels" or "don't smoke in bed"

[97guns]

make it a point to carry no cash, even when you do have cash tell them you dont. if someone offers to lend you $10 tell them its a tough month and i cant afford it, if they want to chip in for you have at it....... SCROOGE UP!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Maybe bring it up that it's time to stop. I don't think it's scrooge, but I also hate it and DH still does it because it's politics. Doesn't make us like it any better and honestly you can come here to complain.

[HundredK]

So glad I don't work in an office anymore, I always hated that. And you didn't even mention the parents who are always selling girl scout cookies or popcorn or wrapping paper. Or asking you to support their kids in walkathons. It's all so ridiculous and feels never-ending.

[DaveInPgh]

So glad I don't work in an office anymore, I always hated that. And you didn't even mention the parents who are always selling girl scout cookies or popcorn or wrapping paper. Or asking you to support their kids in walkathons. It's all so ridiculous and feels never-ending.

[pflyers85]

My favorite are the ones that say, "I can contribute on Thursday when we get paid." Seriously? They are living that paycheck-to-paycheck but can afford to regularly hand out $10 a pop to every cause or gift.

Honestly I just say, "No, thank you." After awhile I stopped getting asked to donate. Frankly I don't care what many of my coworkers think of me and if they talk behind my back calling me stingy. I'm there to do my job not get bogged down in silly office drama.

[GoodSteward]

My favorite are the ones that say, "I can contribute on Thursday when we get paid." Seriously? They are living that paycheck-to-paycheck but can afford to regularly hand out $10 a pop to every cause or gift.

Honestly I just say, "No, thank you." After awhile I stopped getting asked to donate. Frankly I don't care what many of my coworkers think of me and if they talk behind my back calling me stingy. I'm there to do my job not get bogged down in silly office drama.

My wife has admitted to me she prefers working with guys over girls because girls cause so much drama. I know some guys do too personally, but that was her comment. There is a reason my boss will not hire women to work in our office in our department. It has nothing to do with their ability, it has to do with his perception of what the office would be like with the wrong woman. He feels we couldn't be as relaxed . We laugh off everything, and there is almost never drama.