when you sit there and nod but internally you scream in your head

[LivingAlmostLarge]

This is a place I can come and say things on my mind about money and not seem like a crazy person. So I have to say things here. I know I live in a bubble. I say that occasionally to some pretty good friends. Probably our closest friends I tell them "you know you live in a bubble right?" That the reality you live in isn't the norm.

I mean we had dinner Sunday with friends who talked about how their son whose 10 already has a gaming computer, switch, cell phone, xbox, tablet, laptop. But his cell phone is he pixel 3 and he's being left out of conversations with friends because he doesn't have imessage. It started because I said I hate when I get group messages and everyone else has a iphone and i see in words they are "emphasizing" my text. Ugh. I get probably the majority of people on here have iphones. I don't and our kids don't have ipads. I feel it when everyone else is handing their kids these 10" ipads and my DH is quibbling about the $79 he just spend on kindle fire tablets (actually $49 and $59 with trade ins) for the new 2020 models replacing the kids 2016 Kindle Fires. And I get judgement over why don't we buy our kids ipads? And why did we buy them a chromebook instead of a macbook or surface?

I'm also looked at a bit funny because I've been trying to hold off buying a cell phone for my 10 year old 5th grader because I thought at least middle school. But my friend literally sat there yesterday and when I said "i don't even spend $1k on the newest iphone. Why would i ever pay $1k for a new iphone for my kid?" His answer that floored me was "it's only $2k/year. What is that in the grand scheme of your earnings? Why are you sweating it?"

Am I crazy? Am i really sweating the small things? How do you guys view these types of purchases? I responded by saying "it's the principal. DH doesn't want to spend $500 on an ipad or $1000 on a phone every year or two for kids." I don't get it. Yes I understand that it is "only" $2k a year but to me that seems like a lot of money. I feel like there is serious disconnect when people see everything as "only" $ no matter the dollar value. That it trivializes all of it. They said I was weird to be aggrevated by paying $10/month to Frontier for router I don't use because it's really "insurance for having their service".

Or being constantly told that buying a tesla isn't that much more than a toyota camry since it's only $40k versus say $30k. And you save $10k in gas in 5 years. The TCO to way lower in TSLA because of no maintanence. But I am not quite sure yet. Plus no it's not the norm or maybe it is and I'm the insane person who thinks a $50k car is the normal amount to spend on car.

[~bs]

Everyone spends money the way they like. Buying the latest and greatest car or iphone isn't the best financial choice, but you can reduce the cost by spreading it out over a longer period of time. My current phone is 3-4 years old. A S7 that I bought at full retail, might have been $800. I drive an AMG mercedes that I've owned for over a decade.

But yeah, the phone and tablet game is a huge money pit. Especially the subscription plans for insurance or to swap phones every year.

[rennigade]

I mean we had dinner Sunday with friends who talked about how their son whose 10 already has a gaming computer, switch, cell phone, xbox, tablet, laptop. .

10?? My nephew is 6 and has all of those things, minus the cell phone. I never saw anything like it. Parents are in debt up their eyeballs. Sadly, he's going to be a product of his environment. He'll never own anything, everything will be on credit. Consumerism at its finest.

[Fishindude77]

My sister in law and her three grown daughters have a constant, ongoing "who's got the coolest, brand newest mini van" competition. Our daughter gets a little envious when she sees her cousins cool new toys, as she'd like to have one too, so we make sure to remind her that her vehicle is paid for and they all have great big fat payment plans and really don't even own those vehicles.

[myrdale]

I understand the world has changed a lot in the last 20 years, but I didn't get my first cell phone until I was a freshman in college. I managed to make it the first 19 years of my life with out a cell phone.

The typical life of a phone for me is about 5 years. I currently have a Motorola Turbo II, and it is pushing 4 years old. It was my first smart phone, so up to 2017, I was still using flip phones.

How often it is that I am in public, and I see people together, completely ignoring one another engrossed on their cell phone never ceases to amaze me. A couple on a date at a restaurant, a mother with her kids at the park, two guys sitting on a bench. No interaction.

Last week I picked up a copy of Fahrenheit 451. With just the smallest amount of imagination you can see the dystopia forming around us. People utterly consumed by what their "relatives" are doing on a three wall in the palm of their hand.

In my opinion your friend is a fool for spending that kind of money on a cell phone for a kid. Lost, stolen, broken, so many potential ends to it.

If I absolutely had to, $150 on a refurbished phone, maybe.

As for the list of items your friend has purchased their son, I'd ignore it. He can only use one at a time. All the rest are sitting idol. I can look in the closet at the NES, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, Gameboy, Gameboy Color, PS2 and PS3 (broke), and the three previous desktop computers all collecting dust. Granted that list has accumulated over 38 years, but when I see something new I want, I just remind myself that in two years time it will simply be on the top of that pile, ignored, forgotten.

[disneysteve]

Are you crazy? Of course not. Your priorities are your priorities and theirs are theirs. Are you out of touch with your peers? Probably so.

I don't understand the point about a cell phone being $1,000/year. Where are they getting that figure? I just looked. An iPhone SE is $399. An iPhone 11 is $699. You can keep a phone 4-5 years as long as you don't abuse it. My daughter and I both have iPhone 7. My wife got hers later and has an iPhone 8. None of us are considering replacing them at this point. I might take mine for a new battery but that's only about $60.

We got DD her first cell phone when she was 11. She was scheduled to go to a Girl Scout weekend event at the shore where they would not have adult supervision much of the time. We didn't want her in that setting with no way to call for help if anything happened, they got lost, somebody got hurt, whatever.

[disneysteve]

I understand the world has changed a lot in the last 20 years, but I didn't get my first cell phone until I was a freshman in college. I managed to make it the first 19 years of my life with out a cell phone.

The world has changed, like it or not. Cell phones are ubiquitous. I got my first mobile phone when I was a 2nd year medical resident and started taking call outside of the hospital. So I would have been 27. Back then, it was mainly doctors and plumbers who had mobile phones and they were for emergencies.

But things are very different now. I hardly ever use my iPhone to make a phone call. I'd suggest you stop thinking of it as a phone and view it as a mobile computer, because that's what it is. I use it every single day for a variety of tasks: email, texting, photos, videos, directions, weather reports, financial tracking and transactions, discounts, mobile ordering, entertainment, etc.

Also, even just viewing it as a phone, keep in mind that pay phones are a thing of the past. They are extremely rare today, so even if you just want to make a simple phone call while you're out, you need to have a cell phone.

[disneysteve]

As for cars, I think people are nuts. Cars and houses are the two things that get people in the most trouble.

We've never spent more than 25K on a car. I'm shopping now and I'm realizing I'm going to need to be closer to 30K for what I want and it's killing me. I'm really thinking hard about if I want to downgrade to keep it below the 25K mark even though we have ample funds to spend 30K with no problem at all. But we're also buying, not leasing, and most likely paying cash, not financing. Up to 75% of luxury cars are leased which is even more crazy.

[ua_guy]

The same idea 25 years ago is the same today. To provide children with the latest and greatest personal devices and connectivity is to give them a leg up in modern competitive life. It worked for my generation, many who have gone on to run the IT side of some of the world's largest corporations and have made a killing doing it. By 21 years old we had 4 year college degrees and 12 years of experience working with technology already. And everyone thought we were just mindlessly playing video games and screwing around on primitive internet. Sure, we did that, but we picked up a decade of technical knowledge completely under our parents' radar, and we put it to work in our jobs.

Devices are an expense or they're an investment--they need to be looked at from both angles. The devices themselves, no, they are planned-obsolescence electronic trash the day they come out the box. But the learning and experience they might provide may pay off in spades. Technology continues to evolve, and the same is true yesterday as it was today, if you don't adapt, you will be left behind.

No kid wants to be the dork with b-class technology or devices. I get the concern about expense from the parent's view, and maybe the kids don't have to have everything. But I think keeping kids near the cutting edge with technology is important, especially if there's interest there or if it keeps them on the same level as their peers.

[cypher1]

Am I crazy? Am i really sweating the small things? How do you guys view these types of purchases? I responded by saying "it's the principal. DH doesn't want to spend $500 on an ipad or $1000 on a phone every year or two for kids." I don't get it.

Not crazy at all. It goes back to priorities. I agree with the principal argument. Everything adds up, especially the small things. I hardly drink anymore, so when dining out, I save on not ordering a beer with my meal. When I used to go to a movie theater, I'd go to the cheaper theater, bring my own drink and snacks, since I couldn't justify the markup in prices (Hey, I'm cheap at times). But then again I'll splurge on good cookware, tools, or traveling.

At the same time, my friends and co-workers think I'm crazy for not paying for Amazon Prime, even if I now can get a student discount. I simply don't buy enough to justify a monthly expense for faster shipping (plus I don't stream). Or i downgraded from AT&T cell phone plan from 55 per month, to $15 per month with Mint Mobile. Not that I couldn't afford the original plan, but I wanted to save. However, I'll pay for a monthly Costco membership for the convenience and savings on gas, which makes up for most my annual savings.

But if someone wants to spend 1000+ for a cell phone for their kids, who am I to argue what they should do with their money? I just wouldn't want to hear them complain about money problems after that. Going back to the initial subject, I also have to bite my tongue when a friend complain about not being able to save, while thinking "Maybe if you didn't buy a brand new built $400K house (which isn't a horrible amount for their gross incomes), have two brand new car payments each month, as well as xxx amount of CC debt, you could save."

Ultimately I think most of us in this forum are basically in a bubble with our views on money and priorities.

[Singuy]

Well are the kids attending private school? High end private school cost more per year than my wife's optometry school so I shrug at their 1k a year spending on phones and point to my coworker who spends 70k/year on private school for all 3 kids (they had to borrow against their 401k because a recent remodeling of their kitchen was 50k over budget..yeah that kind of family).

[Mjenn]

It is tricky because things have moved so fast and tech decisions are so personal. I remember flying when my eldest was a baby and the man sitting next to me took out an iPad, telephone and MacBook and I thought it was the funniest thing. Now that baby is 10
and has pretty much has everything on your list but a PS4 instead of Xbox and no gaming computer. I struggle with it sometimes. But try to still keep my values and keep their screen time manageable.

I just ordered him an old school phone so he can call us when he goes places by himself. Today he biked to sports practice and then to friends house (different Corona life here in Sweden) and it would have been nice to have him check in. I don’t want him having an expensive phone because that is a big thing to lose. But he has an old iPhone to listen to music and take photos that has no SIM card.

Our kids mostly have gotten our hand me down electronics. I don’t change often, but when I do they get my old ones. My parents also give them their older stuff. The Switch I refused to buy, so both kids saved for 2 years and bought it themselves.

I think there are ways to do it where it isnt super expensive. I would roll my eyes about changing phones for a service they are missing to chat with friends, and also spending a ton of money, but I do see my self as complicit in this overly tech kids existence. I think the issue you are describing is an attitude issue rather just the purchases.

As a side note, Iwould also love a Tesla, but no matter how much I run the numbers it never ends up looking like just a little bit more. If you figure out a way let me know!

[disneysteve]

Our kids mostly have gotten our hand me down electronics.

That would never work for us because my wife and I are not upgrade-happy. If we get rid of a phone, it's because the thing is shot. I didn't replace my iPhone3 until Apple stopped supporting it so a bunch of my apps stopped working. I replaced my iPhone5 when the case split apart from the aging battery expanding. Now I've got an iPhone7 with no plan to replace it until it also becomes unusable. I know they're already on the 11 and just announced they were delaying the release of the 12 so I'm 4-5 generations behind.

[ua_guy]

There are a few used/refurb reseller sites which are quite decent. For something like an iPad or iPhone, some of the older models support the latest and greatest iOS still and can be had for less than a brand new device. They also have trade-in programs which makes for a guaranteed recovery of money in older devices.

When the kiddos are old enough to build computers, if there's interest, that can be a way to save money as well, and they can incrementally upgrade them over a couple of years.

[james.hendrickson]

More and more, I've just been letting people be. If they're going to make bad decisions with their money, you can only gently make suggestions, but you can't change their behavior unless they want to change.