Did You Have A Full Picture Of Your Significant Other's Finances Before Marriage?

[Nutria]

when one of my brothers was married they had a 1 finance household,he was the earner and she was the stay at home mom. my grandmother gave them 10k and they put 9t 9nto the bank, one day my brother comes home from work to a new tv, stereo, kitchen appliances and other junk, the 10k was gone!

Obviously, the solution is to forbid women from having access to the family account. Pin money is all they really need anyway!!

[41Fin]

When you get married, and you are made one flesh...you are no longer singular. That needs to be understood, else why did you get married? Tax benefit? Everything is now supposed to be done together. On one side of my family, I see where separate finances allowed the wife to hide over 60k$ in credit card debt, and the husband had his own, and when they came together had 120k$ in credit card debt to figure out. Still paying to this day, and probably will until they die.

Situations like the such can happen even if finances are joint. I know of a couple situations where people fully combined finances and one had a side credit card. People can be creative when it comes to gaming the system. If somebody wants to open up a side credit card they will whether the finances are joint are separate.

I'd bet the % of disaster is higher on the separate side but without seeing any studies its just a guess. Communicate and take time to understand the person and you will be fine no matter how you choose to manage your household.

One of the happiest married couples I know don't even live in the same state (Might explain why they are so happy ).

[Nutria]

Situations like the such can happen even if finances are joint. I know of a couple situations where people fully combined finances and one had a side credit card. People can be creative when it comes to gaming the system.

So true. Because I handle the finances, I could be siphoning off funds and she might never find out...

If somebody wants to open up a side credit card they will whether the finances are joint are separate.

Heck, when in (joint!) crawl-out-of-CC-debt-we-created mode, I opened CCs in her name without her knowledge. Since they were only for 0% balance xfer use, I didn't even have to tell her. (Of course, I did...)

Even now, when opening savings account at CapitalOne 360 and CDs at vaious banks, I open them. Because I have certain financial expectations of what marriage means, I always open them jointly and then tell her. But there's nothing forcing me to...

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I'm appalled at the view that staying at home after marriage is a bad idea. It depends on the couple.

Another thing is that I agree is why get married in the first place if you can't get over the debt? Otherwise I would say that you accept it and the person. If not then you shouldn't have walked down the aisle. People can change but it takes work.

And upon finding out about the debt it should be taken care of. I had a cousin who declared BK in his 20s. He married a very nice woman who had been responsible with money and he's been responsible since. They have a good life. By that measuring stick she shouldn't have married him but he was upfront and honest.

She told me that she respected his attitude and honesty and willingness to change before he even meet her even with debt (she lived at home and had none). So it's about the attitude.

According to this I'd argue that people on here would call him a deadbeat and bad marriage bet. But there is always more to the story and he found someone willing overlook the past and see the person he was.

His brother had the same problem and found another nice woman. They are all doing well 10+ years later.

[GoodSteward]

Situations like the such can happen even if finances are joint. I know of a couple situations where people fully combined finances and one had a side credit card. People can be creative when it comes to gaming the system. If somebody wants to open up a side credit card they will whether the finances are joint are separate.

I'd bet the % of disaster is higher on the separate side but without seeing any studies its just a guess. Communicate and take time to understand the person and you will be fine no matter how you choose to manage your household.

One of the happiest married couples I know don't even live in the same state (Might explain why they are so happy ).

It is true you can do some side business even with a joint account, but there is no way you can manage 60k$ in debt silently with one.

Now, from your comment, and a few after it I'm seeing people assume joint accounts equals only one spouse is doing all the business. That is a totally separate issue. I know in most cases there is one more involved than the other because you can't run two ledgers, so typically one handles that part. However, a joint account is not equal to one spouse doing the business. That's a completely different problem and one can easily hide things doing that. In fact, you're able to do what you want with BOTH incomes in that case, which can be just as dangerous if not more so, as separate accounts because there is nobody you have to answer to. This was me for a while.

The situations I've seen where a separate account would be a benefit, there was some underlying marriage issues driving it. It's either been to hide things from the other spouse or a lack of trust. For instance, I know some people want to be in control, so when it looks like they want to take the burden off the other, it's really a problem with control. This will manifest itself later in the marriage. I used to work for a man that was very successful in business, and near retirement. He did all the shopping, laundry, finances, etc. From the outside, he looked like a great husband, but his wife divorced him because the flip side was she never could do anything. She felt trapped and was treated like a child.

[Petunia 100]

If my wife say had 20k worth of CC debt buying her ex-boyfriend designer whatever..I am just here ready to pay for all her ex-boyfriend's gifts. That I am making a distinction.

If you were to find yourself in the situation of wanting to marry someone who had 20k of debt from buying her ex-boyfriend designer whatevers, you should probably just wait to get married until the debt was paid off.

[dawnwes]

My wife's credit score is 850. Yes, a perfect score. It's even higher than line which is a measly 840 or so.

I feel incompetent, my score is only 810.

Oh, and I am not currently working.

[dawnwes]

If you were to find yourself in the situation of wanting to marry someone who had 20k of debt from buying her ex-boyfriend designer whatevers, you should probably just wait to get married until the debt was paid off.

Or marry someone else.

[Nutria]

I feel incompetent, my score is only 810.

Oh, and I am not currently working.

Your husband has obviously infantalized you and sabotaged your FICO score...

[dawnwes]

Your husband has obviously infantalized you and sabotaged your FICO score...

I know, right?

I need to find a job, oh wait, I am looking......that is a new post entirely.

[sv2007]

Nope. Love conquers all.

[GoodSteward]

Nope. Love conquers all.

Love is a choice, not a feeling. So by this statement we must admit our choice to keep loving is what makes us overcome.

[sv2007]

Love is a choice, not a feeling. So by this statement we must admit our choice to keep loving is what makes us overcome.

Love is more than a choice for those that's found their soulmates.

[disneysteve]

Love is a choice, not a feeling.

Really? You can choose to love anybody you want to? That's news to me.

[GoodSteward]

Love is more than a choice for those that's found their soulmates.

What else is it? An obligation? lol

I bet you don't have to work at your marriage at all do you? It just IS THAT AWESOME all on it's own because you have what you feel is your soulmate! You don't have to choose to show your affection, choose to not push buttons and argue, or choose to lift them up and not tear them down. You are immune to normal relationship concerns and needs.

In all seriousness, I hope you do well in your marriage, and I know what you mean. You "feel" so strongly you don't "feel" like you have to do anything, you just want to all the time. This is great, but don't' be confused you are still choosing to do everything you do, including love them. Choosing to love is why we continue to love even when we really don't' like them. lol

How long you been married?