Did You Have A Full Picture Of Your Significant Other's Finances Before Marriage?

[Singuy]

I have talked to many people in which they have no idea about their spouse's spending habits before marriage..only to find out their mountain of CC debt until after they have signed on the dotted line. In the Asian dating culture, all debts and savings are pretty much common knowledge between serious couples...but I have noticed not so much for the U.S dating culture.


Frankly I think it's a bad idea to tie the knot with someone you may be financially incompatible with..which may explain the high divorce rate over finances. Did you guys ever have a serious financial talk with your significant other before marriage? Did you ever date anyone in which you called it off when you found financial incompatibility (meaning different spending/saving/debt habits)?

[Nutria]

I have talked to many people in which they have no idea about their spouse's spending habits before marriage..only to find out their mountain of CC debt until after they have signed on the dotted line. In the Asian dating culture, all debts and savings are pretty much common knowledge between serious couples...but I have noticed not so much for the U.S dating culture.

Looooooove is sooooo much more important that practicality...

Did you guys ever have a serious financial talk with your significant other before marriage?

Yeah, but we were in our 30s and wasn't the first rodeo for either of us.

[TexasHusker]

Answer: NO!

She thought I was rich, I thought she was rich, and we were BOTH disappointed!

[Singuy]

Looooooove is sooooo much more important that practicality...

U.S, being an expert on "love at first sight" or "falling in love" or "love is all you need" really sucks at this marriage thing when compared to other countries with arrange marriage systems (pretty much based on pure matching making criterias/family backgrounds/etc etc). Sometimes you may find the person you are with to be so incompatible that compromising is not even possible.

I always wonder what constitute as a stronger bond, love or practicality in a marriage. I find Asians who are arranged or semi-arrange to not be "madly in love"..but they usually grow to love each other through thick and thin which I think is a much stronger bond.

[Nutria]

U.S, being an expert on "love at first sight" or "falling in love" or "love is all you need" really sucks at this marriage thing when compared to other countries with arrange marriage systems (pretty much based on pure matching making criterias/family backgrounds/etc etc).

You'd think, but I've seen some pretty horrible arranged marriages. After all, compatible family backgrounds and zodiac signs don't stop a guy from being a two-timing, wife-beating jackass or her from being a frigid career woman.

Maybe I've just been exposed to Middle Eastern and Indian arranged marriages.

[disneysteve]

Did you guys ever have a serious financial talk with your significant other before marriage? Did you ever date anyone in which you called it off when you found financial incompatibility (meaning different spending/saving/debt habits)?

I was really only in one serious relationship before my wife and finances had nothing at all to do with that one ending.

I don't think my wife and I ever formally sat down and spelled it all out but we certainly knew everything about each other's finances. I knew how much she owed on her car. She knew about my student loans. And if you date someone for a reasonable period of time, you very quickly learn how they handle money. What do they drive? What do they wear? Where do they shop? Are they conscious of sales? Clip coupons? Shop recreationally? How do they talk about money? Are they saving for retirement? Do they ever mention bouncing checks, overdrawing their account, or having a balance on a credit card? It's not hard to spot the warning signs.

My wife and I were definitely of a similar mindset when it came to money. If we hadn't been, that would have been a major barrier to the relationship moving forward.

[creditcardfree]

Yes, we knew. Neither one of us made much. I remember doing a budget together before we were married. It did turn out he was a little more of a spender. But really I should have known this if I was really paying attention, since he was the one paying for dates and dinner.

Unfortunately, my husband had started a business that failed, so we started married life with $10K in debt. And yes, I did know about this. It's probably what got me real clear on how fast one can really pay off debt. Less than one year in our case. I think my husband was shocked that we paid it off so quickly!!

[kork13]

I didn't know everything, didn't know full details, but I knew enough of my wife's finances in general to be comfortable about it. She had some student loans, but otherwise no debt. Low debt tolerance, desire to save (though she needed to learn about retirement accounts), and overall thrifty mindset... So no major red flags.

She knew that I enjoy finances, and I was upfront about where I stood. I already had a pretty good amount saved compared to the relative little that she had, but we quickly remedied that. Since our marriage, she's happy to let me manage the details of our finances. I basically show her what I'm doing, and with a few questions/inputs, she normally agrees with it. We paid off her student loans within 6mo, and started saving for our goals. Overall, the finance side has been relatively a non-issue for us.

[Singuy]

For the people who are reading this thread, what are you opinions on the importance of knowing your significant other's financial status for a stable marriage? Is love the only thing you need?

[AJ444]

My first marriage where we didn't we were divorced in two years and my second marriage where we did has been going strong for 7.

Lesson learned.

[phantom]

My husband and I had a pretty good idea of each other's finances before we got engaged. Neither of us shared exactly how much money we had. But, we talked enough about goals with financial components to have a pretty good idea of where we each stood.

Once we were engaged, we started talking about getting a house and that lead to all the details coming out and gave us each a better idea of how the other approached major purchases. We ended up closing on a house before tying the knot. (Possibly not the brightest idea we've ever had, but it all worked out.)

The one thing I didn't realize about my husband's finances until we had been married for a few years was that he couldn't afford to pay cash for my engagement ring. He bought it on 6 month interest free financing and had it paid off before we got married and before he had to pay interest, so it wasn't a big deal. But, I was a little disappointed in him when I'd learned he'd done that.

My only previous at all serious boyfriend had a pretty different view of money than I did. But, it was never a problem in and of itself so much as a tiny aspect of the fact that he and I had different goals and plans for our lives. If I had tried to keep the relationship going longer than I did, he might have grown into some who could be on the same page as me. But, the relationship didn't have enough going for it on any level for continuing it to make sense.

[greenskeeper]

yes and paid off all of her debt once we married.

[msomnipotent]

I thought I did. We talked about it quite a bit and we seemed very similar at first. We both had our own homes, little debt, savings, etc. We agreed about everything, so it seemed. Then I realized that he is highly risk adverse, stubborn, unwilling to learn about money, and will agree to one thing and then do whatever he wants anyway. He had his 401K solely in the money market fund during one of the biggest bull markets in history, among other things. So far his mistakes have cost us close to 1 million dollars. It might even be more than that. It took me several years to get control because he didn't add my name to anything at first. And just when I start to feel like he has finally learned something, he does something else. It really almost ended in divorce twice. I can't even count how many arguments.

Knowing how much debt and savings a person has and what their values are is only a tiny slice of what you need to know. If I had asked some hypotheticals about how he would handle things (and he answered them truthfully), I might have changed my mind. I certainly would have done a lot of things differently!

[dawnwes]

I have talked to many people in which they have no idea about their spouse's spending habits before marriage..only to find out their mountain of CC debt until after they have signed on the dotted line. In the Asian dating culture, all debts and savings are pretty much common knowledge between serious couples...but I have noticed not so much for the U.S dating culture.


Frankly I think it's a bad idea to tie the knot with someone you may be financially incompatible with..which may explain the high divorce rate over finances. Did you guys ever have a serious financial talk with your significant other before marriage? Did you ever date anyone in which you called it off when you found financial incompatibility (meaning different spending/saving/debt habits)?

Yes, we were fully aware of each other's financial stability before marriage. We got married in our late 20s, so we both had careers and were established. Not only did we talk about it, but in our pre-marital counseling with the pastor (a requirements for him to marry us) we had a whole week devoted to discussing finances.

I grew up knowing it was very important and my parents talked about it a lot.

I can't imagine it any other way.

[dawnwes]

For the people who are reading this thread, what are you opinions on the importance of knowing your significant other's financial status for a stable marriage? Is love the only thing you need?

I don't understand the question. Love for me can only come when I know the person is on the same page that I am on when it comes to things that are important. Money is one of those things.