Financial support for your parents

**rennigade** · 06-03-2016, 01:58 PM

yep...sure...ok...will do. sounds like a plan.

**snafu** · 06-03-2016, 03:02 PM

My parents passed a great many years ago but I see huge potential for problems for friends whose parents are secretive and unwilling to share any information with their established, adult children. Our friends 'believe' their parents have paid off their mortgage, but wonder if sale of home would create sufficient funds to pay for assisted living should that become a possibility. They don't know if parents have life insurance that would pay for funeral costs.

In our case, we didn't know where to find wills or what parents wanted for hospice care or funerals. We were so upset and didn't need that added stress. We found funeral directors smarmy, insincere and greedy.

If you have children, I hope you've done Wills and a Personal Directive.

**frugalfarmwife** · 06-03-2016, 05:57 PM

Honestly, my father has passed and he was HORRIBLE with money, thankfully I didn't get to caught up in the middle of it, but my oldest brother got stuck with the condo he bought for him, his decision though.

My mother is in her 80's and fine financially but I can NOT get her to write a will and that is going to potentially cause a major problem. Older brothers are very wealthy and fine. I need nothing, hubby and I are self sufficient. The problem is that all needs to be left to care for a younger brother who is handicapped and it SHOULD work out that way, but if the older brothers/wiwes get greedy/stupid it's going to cause me a heck of a problem. I do not look forward to this and do brooch the problem fairly often with mom, but the older she gets the more cantankerous she is!

Husbands father is gone and his mother has dug her own hole, in the last year we moved her to our hometown, cleaned up her finances and tried, honest to GOD tried. We will NOT be financially responsible for her, whatever happens so be it. We tried and she and the younger brothers burnt their bridges. We've been kicked one to many times, to the point that I've even told her if she doesn't keep it straight I'll bring her the shopping cart to live out of. Yes she raised my husband but they have all ^rapped on him/us one to many times.

Mean? Nope, just realistic. I wish our families had been normal, no such luck so self preservation is our course in life.

**msomnipotent** · 06-03-2016, 06:54 PM

I have started talking to my husband about writing a will. He isn't keen on the idea, so I think I'm going to have to push the issue.

One of my sisters saw my parents' will and said that they are practically rich, which isn't possible. Both my parents and their parents were lower/middle class blue collar and I have done their taxes before. I would be surprised if they have more than $250,000 to live on. They both have health issues, so I'm expecting to have to chip in something at some point. My grand plan is to pay the property taxes on my parents' home, let the older and younger sisters that they enable live with them, and let them all duke it out.

**phantom** · 06-03-2016, 07:57 PM

My parents are getting close to retirement, but I don't know all the details of their situation. They've told me enough for me to think they have things figured out, and I trust them enough that I won't pry. But, they've always struggled a bit with money, so I can't entirely rule out the idea that they might need my help. They've always been there for me in so many ways that if they needed my help I'd gladly give it.

My FIL recently retired and his wife works part time. They still have one more kid who has one year of college to go, so money is a little tight right now. But, once they clear that hurdle, I have every reason to think they'll be fine financially. But, if they were to run into financial trouble, I would gladly help them out.

My MIL hasn't worked in many years, but her current husband earns a very good salary. Unfortunately, he's a workaholic, and she has threatened to leave him if he doesn't start working fewer hours. I could also see her leaving him if he ever actually retires and she has to spend significantly more time with him. She has terrible spending habits and has grown accustomed to a very expensive lifestyle. So, there's definitely a chance she could end up on her own with less money than she'd like. I would have a very hard time giving her money, but if my husband wanted to, I would.

As long as we get a hint that our parents will need help while we're still working ourselves, I doubt we'd have much trouble helping any of them. We should have enough to retire ourselves before we need to retire, so working a few extra years would be viable. I just hope US government pensions don't disappear when they're 100 and we're 73.

**sv2007** · 06-03-2016, 10:23 PM

It's not about wills or leaving $ to parents after you die, but about if you'd cut your retirement savings in order to support your parents if they need your help.

**QuarterMillionMan** · 06-04-2016, 12:49 AM

My situation is similar to Phantom's situation. My parents (still together) are very well prepared. I have a copy their will and living revocable trust. My parents were always very generous with me and I would be willing to help support them if needed but fortunately they probably won't need any financial assistance from me.

**MonkeyMama** · 06-04-2016, 05:12 AM

Not an issue in our family. I don't expect we will ever need to help anyone else financially.

**Singuy** · 06-04-2016, 05:38 AM

My co-worker said "the best gift your parents can give you is NOT needing you financially to support their end of life".

Nursing homes, in home nurses, and overall medical cost can be expensive. If the parents didn't save for retirement at all and still have a mortgage, well that mortgage is now yours if they physically can no longer work.

Supporting your parents is as impt as supporting your children. Would you sacrifice a portion of your retirement for your parents? Absolutely! Bad or good with money, they sacrificed (in a way) all their retirement goals to put a roof under your head, so it's the right thing to do to return the favor. Missing your FIRE by a few years just to make sure your parents are well taken care of is in my book necessary.

I am lucky enough to have parents who don't need my help financially and who live using a 2% withdrawal rate so they shouldn't run out of money. I am not sure about my wife's side. They are not as fortunate, but I'm pretty sure they have something saved. They are definitely not as good at the finance game vs my parents..so they probably have money sitting around in a checking account somewhere with 0.05% growth.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 06-04-2016, 05:39 AM

I already have helped my father with several one time only dollar contributions, such as helping him get a new (used) vehicle. My sister helps him majorly by having him live with her and doing lots of everyday things for him. I think he still could manage on his own, but it would be a miserable life. On the whole, though, both my parents were very good at living on remarkably little.

**snafu** · 06-04-2016, 06:16 AM

Sorry, misread OP's intent. I'd willingly contributing to both DH and my parents support. I'd likely ask for some level of monitoring/control. It would not come out of my retirement contribution but become another line item. I suspect 'wants' would be flattened and both DH and I would be working 2nd jobs.

**Gailete** · 06-08-2016, 07:13 PM

Unfortunately we aren't in a position to help anyone financially and my kids aren't at the point to support us. My in laws that live next door while they cry poor all the time have almost double to live on with minimal expenses. They gave their house and land over to one son years ago and he pays the taxes so all they have is utilities, medical expenses, groceries and car. I suspect they are doing without and have been for years so they can leave their kids something - none of their kids other than us needing it and we don't want anything. They gave us the 3 acres that we live on so we have out inheritance. My parents are subsisting fine on their retirement funds although my son who just say them last weekend says my step-dad is getting forgetful and my mom who is older is sick lately all the time but she is in the mid 80's. thankfully all my siblings are still alive and can help in ways that I can't as I need help myself.

The problem as a nation, is people are being told that they have to fund so many things, our retirement, kids college, parents, etc. Most people just don't have that kind of money to do that except on a minimal basis. Too many of us are just barely holding our heads above water. What is that statistic that most people are only one payday away from disaster? I realize that the people on this board are different and handle their money differently. I'm sure most people can't financially help family members without cutting into their own financial needs.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 06-13-2016, 10:33 AM

I'd put that about same as kids college. Depends on if they have anything or nothing at all. My grandmother is being cared for by her kids. And my DH's grandmother was being cared for as well financially by her kids. Hoping our parents can manage but if not I guess we'll be doling out what we can.

This is another reason why we probably need more to FIRE than others. And no our grandparents were dirt poor not because they were spendthrifts. More like living without indoor plumbing poor and scraping by both in foreign countries and US/Canada. I'd still help my parents if it was because of overspending, but I would put them on a budget. Our parents do it because really they've been helping since college and even before working and contributing money.

Financial support for your parents