Starting over in middle age.

[Nutria]

I can tell you that at any given time, my bank balance can be off by hundreds or even a couple thousand dollars due to outstanding transactions that haven't posted yet. If I based my spending on what the bank says I have, I'd be in a lot of trouble.

Really? My bank (Chase) deducts pending transactions from the available balance.

Of course, outstanding checks (not that we use many) and Bills That Need To Get Paid aren't reflected in that balance, but that's what our "pay it forward" check register spreadsheet is for. Not only do I record existing transactions as normal, but look forward to pay dates and known+approximate amounts of those deposits and our expenses. Variable expenses like groceries and entertainment get budgeted "filler" amounts added at EOM (then as we go to the grocery, etc, and that amount is posted to checking acct, I reduce the filler amount).

I've only been doing this for 3 years, while I over-spent for 25+ years.

[disneysteve]

Really? My bank (Chase) deducts pending transactions from the available balance.

Of course, outstanding checks (not that we use many) and Bills That Need To Get Paid aren't reflected in that balance,

Exactly. When I write a check for temple dues or schedule my mortgage payment or my car payment or various other bills, my bank balance doesn't reflect those amounts until they actually happen. Looking at the bank balance gives me a very inaccurate number.

[Fishindude77]

Checking my bank balances on line, it's not unusual for credit card and written check purchases to lag behind a couple days.

I agree with your thought train Nutria, but this is for more advanced money managers. Folks who have gone broke due to poor money management need to limit their tools to the most basic, most obvious, and most simple.

No plastic cards, debit or credit.
A checking / savings account.
Cash money

[disneysteve]

Checking my bank balances on line, it's not unusual for credit card and written check purchases to lag behind a couple days.

Plus I make various payments online, not through my bank. The car payment, the mortgage payment, the auto insurance payment, for example, are made at those individual websites, not through my online bill pay from the bank.

[bjl584]

Exactly. When I write a check for temple dues or schedule my mortgage payment or my car payment or various other bills, my bank balance doesn't reflect those amounts until they actually happen. Looking at the bank balance gives me a very inaccurate number.

I operate the same way. I account for many of my bills weeks before they actually draw from my account. Looking at my checking account online at any given time may show that I have over $1000 dollars more available than I actually have.

It takes a degree of disciple and record keeping to do this that everyone can't do. If money burns a hole in your pocket (you need to change your behavior, but..) you probably shouldn't do this form of financial record keeping.

[Nutria]

It takes a degree of disciple and record keeping to do this that everyone can't do. If money burns a hole in your pocket (you need to change your behavior, but..) you probably shouldn't do this form of financial record keeping.

Money did burn a hole through my pocket. For many decades. Since I was very young. And the CC was soooo easy. It's why we got in such deep debt.

Record keeping and a DC was our way out. It was our Six Jars (since this is 2016, not 1916), even though I hadn't heard of 6J at the time I developed my system, and computer bill pay is so much more convenient than driving around with cash.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Could I ask you all to remember to speak to the original poster? It seems like these side discussions are almost leaving her out.

Luxur, about the housing--does your child's special needs mean that there are special housing needs, too? Wide doorways and a spacious bathroom with adaptive equipment, for example? Those sorts of apartments can also be handy for old age when you may acquire some special needs yourself. Do you know if you live where special housing accommodation is sometimes assisted by state agencies? If so, look into it and apply as soon as possible if you think it could accommodate your family and if you think you could afford it. It would likely be sliding scale and the waiting list may be years long.

I imagine you are at a point where you need as much income as possible in order to provide not just for the present but for the future. If your children are in school, will that schedule allow both parents to have jobs? Perhaps the two of you can get (if you don't already have) jobs on different schedules so that you can both work, and both provide child care.

I would say it is really important to save in retirement accounts, probably whatever your workplace offers, plus IRAs, SEPs, whatever applies to you. Be open to small jobs that might come up only now and then, perhaps even jobs of the sort that you might have paid someone else for in the past, mowing, snow shovelling, babysitting, etc.

Actually, I'm wondering if you have some more specific questions, as I feel like what I've said is very general and just a stab in the dark.

[dawnwes]

I think step one is to sit down with your husband and get on the same page. Are you both willing to follow a plan, sticking to it even when it isn't comfortable? If so, then make a budget.

We spent a few years spending only bare bones. We had a nice house and didn't want to sell or move, so instead we cut out a lot of other stuff. Eating out was down to $75/mo for a long time. Thankfully the kids were young then so we could do kids' meals or they could share with us. We would find BOGO deals at places like Qdoba, get two adult meals and share with them, for the cost of one adult meal, etc.....We found discounts, deals, freebies, and only ate out with those.

Our upstairs HVAC went out. It was going to cost $5,500 to replace. And yes, it was 24 years old and really needed replacing, not fixing. We brought mattresses downstairs for an entire summer and all slept in the den so that we could save to replace it with CASH! Now, we did have A/C on the main floor, so we were able to do it without it being too painful. And again, the kids were younger, so they thought it was a great adventure.

We didn't do a lot of entertainment. We did free museum days, $1 skate nights, $3 waterpark days, etc.....it took some research, but we found them.

Clothing came from thrift stores or yard sales. So did toys.

The above long story is just to say that we have been there! It is NOT fun, but it can be done and honestly, I look back at those years with great fondness. We grew closer as a family.

[sv2007]

VERY long and sordid story short : After many mistakes, screw-ups, and losing EVERYTHING we ever owned, we (middle-aged couple) are FINALLY starting over with a clean slate. So clean in fact that we have next to NOTHING to our names (no assets but thankfully also no liabilities).

We have two children and it will be a while before our older child is off to college. The younger child has special needs and will probably be living with us for the rest of our lives, which is an added complication to this horrible backstory.

What should we be doing and what things should we be getting in order NOW to ensure that we're not broke and penniless 20 years from today ? I don't know if we will ever own a home again (given our credit, which was wiped out in the afore-mentioned "screw-up") but I want to make sure that we're going to be OK in retirement. The housing issue is my biggest fear / worry / concern because we need to make absolutely sure to have a working plan for our housing needs and the housing needs of our child with special needs in our "old age" / retirement / etc.

Thank you in advance for your advise / help.

Lots of people got caught up in RE speculation during the last crash of 2008. Putting $0 down for a house then take money out and still flip it for a few hundred $k... just doesn't seem to be sustainable to me so it's got very high risk. And sure enough it wasn't. I don't know what caused you your pain, but the above example is high risk, high reward.

Lots of people got caught in the 2008 slow down and are left with medical bills, e.g. unemployeed and sick. This kind of financial loss is unavoidable (but it can be less painful with prior planning, e.g. having savings). Fortunately, this type of expense is also easy to get rid of

So, you ask to not be broke, then you have to look at why you are broke and fix that. If it is not possible to fix (i.e. long term medical needs), then you will be broke. If you took on too much risk, then take less.