Need some help post divorce - Where to go from here.

**Fishindude77** · 12-14-2015, 08:10 AM

My suggestion would be to suck it up and get back into the workforce as soon as possible so as not to deplete savings. It's not like you are sitting on a mountain of money that will last a long time.

May also do you good emotionally to get back to a routing work schedule, interaction with coworkers, etc. You are not the first person to get slammed by a divorce. The sooner you get your feet back under you the better.

**snafu** · 12-14-2015, 05:55 PM

Medical insurance, car insurance and maintenance? Are you on leave of absence? Does your career/occupation lend itself to part time work? Are you in good physical health? Do you have an exercise/work-out plan that you are carrying out? The research suggests that physical activity is a helpful antidote to emotional distress.

How long have you been in the turmoil of divorce? The longer you are out of the workforce the more difficult it will likely be to get back to that routine. Will your $ 35K be the 'seed' money for passive income plan? Have you developed a written plan with a timeline for your goal of passive income?

**FLA** · 12-15-2015, 05:23 AM

IMHO, the longer you wait to jump back in, the harder it will be to find something. Plus, how do you explain the time gap in your resume? I don't think an employer would be enticed by hearing you took it off to regroup after a divorce. If you came out that scathed, get help, go to therapy or group therapy. Plus, while you are not working, you are depleting your EF, not adding to retirement and college savings and when you go back to work you can't dump 80% of your income in retirement because there is a limit to what you can contribute each year. Work will help you save faster to find a nice place for you and your daughter.

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt (and sweats, neither of which I wanted to remove to go back to work full time), I think it's easier to rip off the band aid and see if you can make yourself do it. Being on a regular schedule with responsibilities, being around my colleagues full time, seeing patients who were way worse off then me with my divorce; all of that was actually good for me.

You didn't say how old you are but 35k in retirement is not much. Nor is 35k in an EF if you are not working. You don't mention child support, either.

**jIM_Ohio** · 12-15-2015, 06:19 AM

Don't sit and do nothing...
I would be active working and an active parent

The best decision I made during my divorce was I worked and I met new people.

**jIM_Ohio** · 12-15-2015, 06:23 AM

Originally posted by FLA View Post

IMHO, the longer you wait to jump back in, the harder it will be to find something. Plus, how do you explain the time gap in your resume? I don't think an employer would be enticed by hearing you took it off to regroup after a divorce. If you came out that scathed, get help, go to therapy or group therapy. Plus, while you are not working, you are depleting your EF, not adding to retirement and college savings and when you go back to work you can't dump 80% of your income in retirement because there is a limit to what you can contribute each year. Work will help you save faster to find a nice place for you and your daughter.

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt (and sweats, neither of which I wanted to remove to go back to work full time), I think it's easier to rip off the band aid and see if you can make yourself do it. Being on a regular schedule with responsibilities, being around my colleagues full time, seeing patients who were way worse off then me with my divorce; all of that was actually good for me.

You didn't say how old you are but 35k in retirement is not much. Nor is 35k in an EF if you are not working. You don't mention child support, either.

+1
well said

**ua_guy** · 12-15-2015, 08:59 AM

OP, it sounds like your wife wanted this and moved it forward, and maybe it was a bit more emotionally devastating for you?

I can't say I've been in your shoes, but I think the same advice applies, as others have explained-- it might be best to keep yourself occupied with work, keep growing your savings. You need to focus on yourself, and any parenting duties you might be left with. Sure sounds like your wife is doing what was in her best interests and you should do the same. Take care of yourself. Save money for whatever your next big adventure is. Don't make big life changes until you're feeling good and have figured out what you want. Whatever that is--and it will probably take time to figure out. But don't put yourself at a disadvantage because going through divorce is painful. You've still got a kid to love, a retirement to save for, new people to meet, new adventures to be had.

Good luck!

**thomastran40** · 12-15-2015, 03:39 PM

Thank you so much for all the great responses, its definitely helping me get a better picture of things i need to get in order.

Im 33 years old, no child support.

Main reason i took time off is to get clarity as well as work on my home based business full time. I wouldn't say im doing nothing but im missing out on saving for sure by not working.

I guess im trying to figure what my next step is so i can setup financial goals and align my home business to be able to accomplish them.

Medical insurance im paying currently which i forgot to include its about $130 a month. Car insurance and phone bill is taken cared of by the ex wife, I handle our life insurance.

I plan on replacing my job income with my home based business income over the long haul but if If I a clear vision of the goal im trying to achieve im willing to go back to the work force to speed up the process.

I for sure should get a part time job after just writing the above out

**FLA** · 12-15-2015, 08:49 PM

I'm glad you have a home based business and your financial obligations aren't onerous. Is DD in school yet or do you still have some free days each week to spend time with her? That would be great for both of you while you are planning your next steps. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

**snafu** · 12-16-2015, 07:33 AM

Some financial obligations not yet mentioned like those only intermittent through the year, easily fall through the cracks. Do you use a program like [free] Mint.com or Power Wallet to keep accurate records? A great many SA participants use and like YNAB and can offer a referral discount.

I hope you'll take immediate action to get back into the workforce as quickly as possible. It takes a plan, starting by figuring out your skill sets and how they could be applied to a number of different employment situations. To help with motivation, I suggest checking with your library for their latest version of What Color is My Parachute.' You can likely buy a gently used version on-line.

Immediately begin a written list of possible companies/work sites, adding to it daily. Meanwhile work on your resume and get listed on LinkedIn as quickly as possible. It's helpful to watch the electronic sites to identify who is hiring within reasonable commuting distance.

In my experience, a great many jobs are filled by recommendation. That means you need to tell former colleagues, friends, relatives, neighbours, acquaintances that you're looking for work. This is not the time to be shy or withdrawn; let everyone help.

What actions are you taking to reinvigorate your social life? It's easiest to stay home, work on your home based business but there are negative tags to that route. What are you willing to do? What do you enjoy? Are you willing to help in some area in your community? Would you take a course to learn something new?

Wishing you happy new choices 2016.

Need some help post divorce - Where to go from here.