splitting the pennies

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I've noticed a change in me over the last 2-3 years. But I read the moneyist on msn I think? And the question was is it cheap to ask for dutch or to always ask to split the bill? Before when DH and I were pinching pennies we always went dutch. I hated the fact I had to speak up and tell people sorry we aren't paying for your alcohol or steak. I would throw down what I really owe or pay a portion on my CC. I always spoke up.

But with more financial security I notice I care less and go more with the flow and split the check. Sure it's not even but I don't feel like making waves. I also notice that I just pay for a lot more stuff with my kids and other people's kids (I have a lot of other people's kids) because I can. I guess I look at it as its $3 or $5 or whatever. But at the same time reading the article I remember what it was like to look at my budget and say no to going out or I'd need to stick to paying what I budgeted our share to be. I also agree to more expensive hotels now than the cheapest because that's where others we room with stay. However I don't necessarily like to rent homes still with others mostly because my family in particular are night owls and we don't like other people waking us up. We tend to like to roll out of bed and go with the flow (this does not work for many families who eat breakfast unlike us who tends to get up really late and skip it).

But that being said the question asked about how to treat going out with friends? And he said maybe splitting the bill seems fair but maybe there are a lot of people who don't want to.

How do you handle it? Have you noticed a change in you behavior? Do you notice it also changes based on friends you go out with?

[bjl584]

I normally just split the bill.
You win some, you lose some.
My experience is that it all sorta works out in the end and everyone is happy.

[disneysteve]

As for splitting bills, we generally just divide them evenly. The exception is if one or more people spent substantially more. For example, if one person got a couple of cocktails and everybody else drank water, they'll put in more than everyone else. Or if one person just got an appetizer and others had a full meal, they'll put in less. But if we all got generally similar things, we just split it.

Has our behavior changed? Definitely. As our financial condition and my income has improved, we are looser with our spending. For example, I will periodically buy lunch for everyone at work. That's definitely not something I would have done a few years ago when I was making half as much. I know in my head that we are saving more than ever and are in a good place financially.

Just this morning, I wrote a check to donate to a fund raising project at our synagogue. A few years ago, we would have contributed but in a much smaller amount.

[kork13]

With rare exception, we've pretty much always just paid our share of meals. All of my friends/family have basically just assumed that to be the going-in expectation. But most of my friends are all very competent and very independent people, so that's hardly a surprise. Occasionally someone, ourselves included, will offer to pay for everyone...typically, this is just with family. It's really just never really been an issue for us (gratefully).

Anyone ever done credit card roulette? Go out to eat, everybody puts their card in the hat, and the waitress picks one to cover the full bill. I hate the arrangement, but gratefully I've only been talked into it once or twice...and never gotten stuck... though even then, I gave the 'loser' some cash for my meal.

But to the bigger question... As we've grown our income and wealth, we've definitely become more liberal with our spending. Whether for ourselves or for others, the nickels & dimes simply matter less to us. And as Steve said, we're also able to be much more generous with our giving. It becomes less a question of "Can I afford this?" and more "Do I want to do this?" -- I don't know if that's good or bad, emotional or rational... But while in the back of my mind there's always the penny-pincher shouting about how overpriced something surely must be, or how unnecessary something is, I can ignore it when I like. Because our hard work, frugal habits, and aggressive saving have earned us the privilege of choice.

[cypher1]

As for splitting bills, we generally just divide them evenly. The exception is if one or more people spent substantially more. For example, if one person got a couple of cocktails and everybody else drank water, they'll put in more than everyone else. Or if one person just got an appetizer and others had a full meal, they'll put in less. But if we all got generally similar things, we just split it.

I typically follow the same route for splitting even or adding apps. However, I do pay more attention to the bill when others are drinking alcohol and i don't. In those cases I just pay my share, as I don't feel I should throw in for their drinking habits.

[disneysteve]

It also partly depends on who we are out with. If we are dining with peers, we'll almost always split the bill. If, on the other hand, we're out with some of my coworkers, everyone will usually pay their own share. I earn a lot more than them and expecting them to split the bill really wouldn't be fair because I'd probably get the better end of that deal. I'm happy to have them pay for what they had and me pay for what we had. I don't want them stuck paying any more than they have to.

[Smallsteps]

the last few times we went with friends we ended up picking up the check.
I wanted to split by DH was somehow embarrassed and decided to just pick up the whole thing.
I always seem to be on the losing end on the split checks so i rarely go or ask for separate checks.I have a few "friends" that leave their wallet in their other pants.

[disneysteve]

I have a few "friends" that leave their wallet in their other pants.

Fortunately, with Zelle, Venmo, and PayPal, that excuse doesn't work anymore. As long as they have their phone, they can still pay you.

I don't associate with people like that anyway.

[Like2Plan]

I think it is situational. My DH likes picking up the check--although sometimes it becomes a competition with his good friends (like one friend who will go to extreme efforts to pick up the check). In such cases I think the credit card roulette might be a good answer and no one gets hurt.

On the other hand, I have some friends that I socialize with regularly and we've come upon a solution that seems to work for our group--separate checks. Sometimes, it's someone's birthday and everyone chips to cover her bill &tip.

(Forgot to answer the main question ) As far as the original question- Yes, it has become easier to be generous as we have become more secure.

[~bs]

If its friends, generally people pick up the bill or throw what they think their portion is. If there's people there that insist on paying exact amounts, it's fine as long as they're the one doing the calculating. It really depends on the group of friends/family.

For me, a combination of eating out less often along with a good 6 figured income that's rising rapidly means that smaller details like this doesn't matter as much. It may matter more to other people, if it does, I dont begrudge them that. If I pay a little extra, whatever, not a big deal for me.

[disneysteve]

We went out for dinner last night for my MIL's birthday. Eight people total including the 2 of us (our daughter didn't go). DW's one sister and partner are broke so other sister had said we should cover their meal, and of course we weren't charging MIL for her own birthday dinner. The not broke sister and husband also had their daughter (adult) with them so there were 3 of them and 2 of us.

What we did was split the bill 50/50 with them but to make it more fair since there were 3 of them is they paid the entire tip. I was fine with that. So that's an example of a way to level the field if you're splitting but the costs weren't really equal.

[Nutria]

Money is freedom. When you're not just not living paycheck to paycheck but have a healthy RDF, have no debt and are strictly following a generous budget... you can spend more. Unless you're a miser, it's just natural to be more generous and not worry as much.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

it is interesting how your perspective changes as you make more and have less expenses.