general public

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I find it astonishing that I have yet to meet a female friend who knows her family's financial picture. We aren't talking women who only stay at home, but working moms too. I find it incredible that many of them leave everything to their partners and are surprised to be audited. Or have no clue about what savings they have. Now some of them admit they also have partners who have no idea about finances and they just spend and save whatever.

Is this the norm? Do you have any friends in real life who knows what they save and spend? It appears I do not.

[rennigade]

Yeah...my wife knows what she spends/saves/invests. Other than that its none of my business what other women do with their money or know about their families finances. Its not a topic of conversation I get in to with anyone. The less people know about your finances the better...especially if you are good at saving/investing.

edit: actually I know of one woman who handles non of the finances. Thats also because she decided to give a hefty chunk of money to a relative asking for a free handout (I think around $50k or so.) After that...she was cut off from the checkbook/finances.

[disneysteve]

I think the "norm" is for one spouse to handle the finances. How educated and involved the other spouse is varies from couple to couple. Some have no clue and are just fine getting their weekly allowance. Others have a better handle on the household finances.

In our house, I handle everything but I fill my wife in from time to time. We have what we call "financial dates" where we sit down and review everything. She is very capable of doing the financial stuff but just sees no need to be involved knowing that I'm good at it and enjoy doing it.

In our lockbox, there is a master list of all of our accounts with contact info, online access info, etc. so that if anything happens to me, she'll have all of that in one place.

[jIM_Ohio]

People do what works for them
I wouldn't judge one person as compared to me, or want others to compare themselves to me.

[Snydley]

My friends (Gen Xers) spend and don't look at the big financial picture in their households- men and women alike. DH and I are the only couple I know that live on a budget and have calculated how much we will likely need for retirement.

Between my couple friends, there's a HUGE lack of financial communication - like, "I know DH has credit card debt, and I think some cards are maxed, but don't know the #s". It's kinda amazing to me, really. How can you not know how much the other owes (because it is your debt too!)?

I think it's just way easier to not think (aka fight) about it, just make it through month to month and hope it works out in the end.

[JoeP]

A relationship is at risk if both people are not in sync on important topics such as finances. I can't imagine not caring to have my spouse involved in something that important. If she was uninterested or otherwise disengaged, I probably would not have married her.

[dawnwes]

I find it astonishing that I have yet to meet a female friend who knows her family's financial picture. We aren't talking women who only stay at home, but working moms too. I find it incredible that many of them leave everything to their partners and are surprised to be audited. Or have no clue about what savings they have. Now some of them admit they also have partners who have no idea about finances and they just spend and save whatever.

Is this the norm? Do you have any friends in real life who knows what they save and spend? It appears I do not.

Here I am. You have now met one. I know exactly what our financial picture is and so does my husband.

Any why would you assume that women who stay home would know less than working moms?

Dawn

[JulieAlbright]

I think amongst my crowd it trends in the opposite direction - The wife has a complete picture of the finances and the husband just has a general idea. And of the SAHM crowd I know, they tend to handle nearly all of the financial tasks as part of their "At Home" duties.

Now my Mother's crowd of friends (70's to 80's) a large number are widows and few were deeply involved before their husband's death. Most of them seemed to have their own checking or spending accounts, which would get regular deposits from the wage earner. Some of them picked up extra funds babysitting or ironing or such and they would keep it. One friend of my Mom's calls that her "pin money" which is a term you don't hear often these days. Some of them became financial experts when their husband died, a few just depend on their adult children to handle the matters.

The woman of my Mom's group that I know that has a nice investment portfolio she assembled and directed herself worked as a librarian for several decades. She says she devoured every Financial Book she ever saw go across the shelves. Seriously a fascinating lady to talk to because she had no financial based schooling, but can certainly hold her own in a room full of MBA graduates.

[MonkeyMama]

I don't know, it doesn't really come up. I think the norm is for nobody in a household to really have any clue about their finances.

Of course, in my family, money management is in the genes. All of the women in my family take an active roll in managing their finances. I'm hard pressed to think of a single female who just sat back and let their husbands handle things 100% or who would bury their head in the sand alongside their spouse. Of any generation. Overall, that leaves me with knowing a lot of women who take control of their finances, or at the least are equal partners.

[happygirl]

Before my divorce I handled all the day to day finances. I tried to keep him involved, but he didn't want to be bothered. He handled our retirement and although I knew how much we had and where it was invested, I let him choose the funds etc.. Since we split, I've been trying to learn about funds and trying to make good choices. I should have been more involved all along, but marriage can be tricky and I gave up my input for what I believed was the bigger need, my husband's sense of taking care of our future.

[sandrark]

I don't know, it doesn't really come up. I think the norm is for nobody in a household to really have any clue about their finances.

Of course, in my family, money management is in the genes. All of the women in my family take an active roll in managing their finances. I'm hard pressed to think of a single female who just sat back and let their husbands handle things 100% or who would bury their head in the sand alongside their spouse. Of any generation. Overall, that leaves me with knowing a lot of women who take control of their finances, or at the least are equal partners.

^^^^ This is my family, too. All the women (mom, sister, cousins) are very involved and savvy. But the women who married into our family? (SIL, step-mom) - are clueless. My SIL likes it that way.

My step-mom was fine with it too, until my dad gambled away most of their retirement funds during the dot-com boom and bust - so much so that they had to sell their house. Even after that, he did all the investing and finances. When he died last year, my half-sister had to take over her finances to make sure she could stay on track with a limited income.

[MonkeyMama]

^^^^ This is my family, too. All the women (mom, sister, cousins) are very involved and savvy. But the women who married into our family? (SIL, step-mom) - are clueless. My SIL likes it that way.

It's funny because I am not related to many men by blood. Neither is my spouse. & so the in-laws are all males. (We only have sisters, and our parents only have sisters). My maternal grandparents, my parents, and my spouse and I are very 50/50 on the finances. Most the rest of the women married tend to marry clueless men. Some of them wanted it that way though. Others are a little frustrated with husbands. Maybe they all are, but people like my paternal grandmother and maternal aunt, and my MIL, just wanted to be the boss in the relationship and with the finances. That comes from all the branches. (Others just wanted to be single and take care of themselves, or found that 50/50 balance).

[Leo]

I think it really depends on the couple. I handle all the finances because I am more into "finance and savings". I talk to my wife from time to time but I can say she leaves everything to me.

[ladonnarosso]

I'm a woman, and I handle all of our family's finances. I also am a working mom. My husband and I regularly pow wow about what to do in certain situations, but I definitely keep things running. Before we got married, I ran a credit check on him, and showed him my credit report, all in the name of transparency.

[Thrif-t]

I think that's pretty much the norm OP. Most of the couples we know the DH handles everything and the wife's are clueless. Except in my family I handle everything and DH is clueless. He is totally capable of doing things but as someone else mentioned he just doesn't want to be bothered. I have a composition book that is titled our financial book that lists EVERYTHING in it. The kids and my DH know if anything happens to me to get the book out of the fire proof safe and follow all of moms directions.