Are kids worth the cost?

[ddgone]

OK, I know this is going to sound insensitive, but as I look at the statistics at how much it costs to raise a kid, I wonder if it's really worth the price? Spending close to $1 million could be used to do so many other things, so I'm wondering if kids are really worth the cost? The problem is that I know nobody is going to be able to say "no, they're not" without sounding as insensitive as I do asking the question, so I'm not sure I'll get real answers to this question. I do know that many people do believe kids are worth the cost, but do 100% of people? OK, I'm just rambling now, but it seems that having kids is like having to get a bigger and bigger house. There's a lot of societal pressure to do it and it isn't the right choice for everyone. End rant.

[disneysteve]

I do know that many people do believe kids are worth the cost, but do 100% of people?

Of course not. That's why not 100% of people choose to have children. And yes, I certainly realize that there are many who would love to have children and aren't able to so let's be sensitive to that, but there are also many who are perfectly capable and make a conscious decision not to for a variety of reasons.

it isn't the right choice for everyone.

Exactly. That's why some choose to do it and others choose not to do it.

I'm not really sure what point you were trying to make. I do think this was kind of an odd subject for your very first post to the forum but welcome to the site.

[ddgone]

I'm not really sure what point you were trying to make. I do think this was kind of an odd subject for your very first post to the forum but welcome to the site.

lol. I'm strange that way sometimes. It was just on my mind when I wandered here searching that topic online.

[disneysteve]

lol. I'm strange that way sometimes. It was just on my mind when I wandered here searching that topic online.

Well, raising kids is certainly in part a financial topic. We talk about kid-related stuff here all the time.

[Green43]

Ok, we have 2 children,one who we had and one that we went through the process of adopting, a very heartwrenching and heartwarming experience that is its own topic.. Kids are VERY expensive, correct but the desire to parent, to create something that is yours to raise and teach and to watch grow into (hopefully) great members of society who can contribute and help make our world better is what drives humans to reproduce. That and the whole legacy thing,I have friends that chose to not have kids. They were able to travel and had disposable income to spend on themselves, but as they got older there were regrets as now they leave nothing behind..Who will remember you or care for you when you are old or even when your gone? Even great philanthropists (ie Carnegie) gave great sums of money away to be remembered, and plastered their name on most (my hometown has a Carnegie library,a fact I doubt 10% in town know or care about). Ultimately it is your decision.

[LuckyRobin]

I suppose it depends on what you want out of life and your definition of the word worth. From a practical standpoint, kids certainly make acquiring wealth take a lot longer. They make travelling harder. They run down your health with all the germs they bring home from school. But if you like them, they bring your life a lot of joy, which cannot necessarily be a measured value. Then there is a good chance at least one of them will be around in your old age to help you with things you'd otherwise have to hire people to do or for you to move in with instead of going to assisted living (at least for a while).

And you can never really trust those statistics as they base them on acquiring everything you need to raise kids on the new price, not the used price or the free price for hand me downs. And they assume you will be using a lot of convenience foods instead of maybe cooking everything from scratch and maybe keeping a large garden to grow some of your own food. They might assume you need an expensive mini-van for kids when you can get by with a more reasonably priced sedan, etc., etc.

I think the real thing you have to decide is if you want to have kids, if that is important to you. If it's not than it won't be worth it. If you want them, then it will be.

[bigdaddybus]

I think it depends on the couple.

My wife and I know quite a few dinks (Duel Income No Kids) at the top Fortune 500 company we work for. I' m not going to lie several of them make it look pretty good from a strictly materialistic point of view. It may be that they are always driving into work in the latest sports car, or chatting between meetings about the 4-6 trips to the Caribbean they take each year, or dedicating all their free time to something that I think i would like to get involved with if I could only find the time.
One of my friends that falls into this group will tell anyone who will listen "I'm too selfish to have kids" and I appriciate his honesty.

On the other hand my wife and I have 4 kids and have spent a small fortune on daycare, diapers, gymnastics, piano lessons, and college funds. To me parenthood and the adoption of 2 of our 4 kids have been some of the best aspects of my life. In a couple weeks we are going to rent a big RV and I am going to do my best Robin Williams impression as we head off for our own family adventure. It's not exactly an all-inclusive in St Thomas, but to me it's just a different kind of awesome. I couldn't imagine my life any other way

[LittleMissSplendid]

I think the real thing you have to decide is if you want to have kids, if that is important to you. If it's not than it won't be worth it. If you want them, then it will be.

Well said and this was the conclusion I came to when deciding if I wanted to have kids or not. I finally came to the realization that I don't desire children and that feeling remains there no matter how many of my friends/relatives announce their pregnancies, have cute babies, have entertaining toddlers, or have genius in training pre-teens/teens. That feeling is still there as I get older and with every amazing guy I meet that might be Mr. Right. After accepting that it became clear that this choice will allow me to spend my time and financial resources differently, but no it was not the potential expense that decided for me.

[frugalredhead]

I second everything that has been said here. My kids have cost me a fortune already and they're only 4 and 7. Haven't even had to worry about college yet But I wouldn't trade them for the world. I always knew I wanted to have kids so there was never any doubt for me. I just have different priorities now. If DH and I were childless, we could go on fancy vacations, eat out a lot more, drive cool sports cars... but instead, my greatest joys are taking my kids to a park and letting them explore nature, going camping, and playing soccer with them in the backyard. It's a very different life, for sure, but it's the life I always wanted, and you can't put a price on that.

That said, it is definitely finances that is keeping us from having a 3rd, but that's okay. I'm thrilled with the 2 I have

[greenskeeper]

Are kids worth the cost?.

Lucky for you your parents thought it was worth it.

[Snydley]

The OP makes an interesting point, if you think of it from the perspective of not the financial cost per se, but of the total cost: of your free time, energy, emotion, how parenting strains your relationships: your marriage, your friendships, your solitude (relationship with yourself).

I think the OPs rant stems from the fact that the choice to not have children (or in my case, to choose to only have one) is overtly frowned upon (at least in the US). You really can't believe the things people say! So rude. Personally, I think too many people primarily (or solely) derive the significance in their lives from their progeny. When my daughter was born, my mother called me at the hospital and said, "Isn't it AMAZING! Does life before this just seem meaningless?" I really didn't understand that 2nd comment at all. My marriage, my friendships, and my work mean a great deal to me.

Numerous studies show that marital happiness dips with each child that is added to a family. Childless couples, overall, feel more satisfied in their marriages than ones with children. It's not hard to imagine; kids are a tremendous drain on your time, patience, etc. Are they not worth it? Of course they are- well, one was, for me. If I found out I was pregnant again I would be devastated. Of course, this is coming from someone who doesn't ever think about retiring really- because I feel like my work is large part of my greater purpose and it is often not like "work" to me.

"If DH and I were childless, we could go on fancy vacations, eat out a lot more, drive cool sports cars... but instead, my greatest joys are taking my kids to a park and letting them explore nature, going camping, and playing soccer with them in the backyard. It's a very different life, for sure, but it's the life I always wanted, and you can't put a price on that."

To me, it's not about fancy vacations, cars, or anything more expensive, while I love spending time with DD, I love spending time alone with DH, I love my girls' weekends/nights out, my time alone reading a book, and my work conferences. And as far as having kids to have someone to take care of you when you are old- the best way to ensure that you have people to help you out is to nurture all your relationships (friends, children, spouse, etc), care for others, and keep yourself over to new relationships/stay connected within your community. Having children can cause you to neglect other relationships, simply because there are only so many hours in a day.

When I meet a childless person/couple by choice, I often find them to be a bit more interesting that the general crowd.

[ua_guy]

"Is it worth it" --parents can only say for themselves, and nobody else, and just because we were once children, or just because our parents brought us into the world, doesn't mean that we also must have children, or that we owe the world or anyone else, children.

The choice to bring a child into the world without adequate resources or the will to care for the child forever, or accidentally conceiving a child, is just as selfish as choosing to remain childless. That's why I don't take offense or assign much weight to "selfish" or "worldly" judgements of my own childless relationship. Finances aside, I don't know that I have it "in" me to ever be a father.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Kids are expensive no matter how you cut it. Time/productivity. Hence why people probably shouldn't have them. But then how would we procreate? NO right answer just a choice.

[Spiffster]

I think life would be pretty boring if all of your decisions were based on logic and common sense. Sure you could have a great time taking vacations or buying fancy cars but even that can get old... just my .02.

[Drake3287]

3 kids all now in there 20's with all college costs behind me due to saving over the years. And yes I still have a nice little savings for myself and no financial worries. All with just being a middle income family. Having kids was and is the best thing I've ever done, in all these years I haven't got a single horror story.

I look back at several friends and family members that choose to either have no kids or only 1 child and I can tell they regret it now. For my wife and I, spending our money for kids was what life is all about.