Food and Socioeconomic Status

[disneysteve]

Instead of old navy, buying abercrombie. Instead of Target going to nordstrom. It's often times going from high end to low end. How do you explain that you can't afford that?

You need to work with your kids to help them establish a budget based on their income. You also need to teach them creative ways to get better quality at a lower cost. Outlet stores. Consignment and thrift shops. Discounted gift cards online.

Ultimately, you need to teach them how budgeting works. Show them how you are able to buy what you buy and why they may not be able to do the same. Get your kids involved in household finances. I think a lot of parents hide the finances from the kids and that's a big mistake. It keeps them from learning the connection between income and spending.

Our daughter started balancing the family checking account when she was 9. Initially, it was just to hone her math skills, but as she did it, she would ask questions about money and spending and it led to many great conversations about spending and saving and living within our means. I could show her that because I earn $X we are able to afford $Y.

[JoeP]

She's been on her own since March of this year.

She is going to school to study marketing and sales which after 4 jobs, is what she has decided to pursue as her career.

Yes, she made the decision to move out on her own. Not an easy decision as us rich parents had her all set for the upper class life of a college student going to private equestrian college. Luckily she was able to escape the evil tyranny that comes with being the child of parents that made and spent a lot of money and is learning how to be a useful member of society now.

Tom

Could be wrong, but I sense a little tension. I recall a few of your previous posts, and from an outsider's view, it is promising that your daughter is strong enough to go on her own and make ends meet, despite the doors you opened for her. Her work ethic says a lot about the effort you invested.

But back to the OP, expensive food is not always better. With more money, I would find a way to cultivate a garden, rather than eat out a lot. With a family, gardening is very educational as well, aside from nutrition.

[snafu]

DH and I are barely past the 'how to differentiate' for DSs. We always talked about the plan to buy X, Y, Z and why we were or were not buying a quality product or cheap item based on our values. The deal for DKs was always, if you truly want the branded items or higher quality item that we deem appropriate you can have it if you earn/have the sum needed for the differential. From school age they had assigned chores just because we're a family and chores they could chose which earned money since we wanted them to understand the principle that money is earned. The most difficult part was getting my mom to cooperate and not buy her much loved grandsons everything she imagined they would like.

Each son contributed part of the sum for their school's driver program and worse yet, they were expected to pay the differential for car insurance when we three shared my car.

[Like2Plan]

I wouldn't want to eat out every night even if I were wealthy like your friend.

I think I would rather have a personal chef to cook stuff just the way I like it (at the time of my choosing )

[disneysteve]

I wouldn't want to eat out every night even if I were wealthy like your friend.

Me too! The hardest thing when we are on vacation is eating all of our meals out. It's fun for a day or two, if that, but it gets old really quick.

Our daughter started college this year and all of our friends have said, "I guess you guys are eating out a lot now". The reality is just the opposite. We've been doing far more home cooking, trying new recipes, pulling out old recipes, etc.

[corn18]

Could be wrong, but I sense a little tension.

Absolutely. A lot of tension. She left on less than amicable terms. And of course she said that she would never come back. I wasn't sure she could do it, but she is and now we have a relationship we never had when she was "living" at home. Funny how what seems to be the most awful thing ever turns out to be the solution you were always looking for.

[disneysteve]

Absolutely. A lot of tension. She left on less than amicable terms. And of course she said that she would never come back. I wasn't sure she could do it, but she is and now we have a relationship we never had when she was "living" at home. Funny how what seems to be the most awful thing ever turns out to be the solution you were always looking for.

She probably realizes now how good she had it when she was at home and how hard it really is to make it on her own.

I know that I've seen a big change in appreciation from our daughter just since she went off to college 2 months ago. Not that she was bad before, but she definitely has a new-found appreciation for her parents that wasn't there previously.

[JoeP]

Absolutely. A lot of tension. She left on less than amicable terms. And of course she said that she would never come back. I wasn't sure she could do it, but she is and now we have a relationship we never had when she was "living" at home. Funny how what seems to be the most awful thing ever turns out to be the solution you were always looking for.

I have mixed feelings about situations like you describe.

As a parent, I could see how I could set myself up to still maintain "ownership" over life choices of my kids, because we have invested so much time/money/stress/etc in getting them where they are now. Their decisions might seem wasteful according to my values.

But also, I could see our investment as a foundation, and let go to see what they plan to build upon it. We'll always be a call away in case the run into difficult situations, and may even give a quick supportive shout of advice if we can't hold ourselves back.

Despite the tension, I am glad to hear that there is some positive coming from your situation.

[disneysteve]

As a parent, I could see how I could set myself up to still maintain "ownership" over life choices of my kids, because we have invested so much time/money/stress/etc in getting them where they are now. Their decisions might seem wasteful according to my values.

But also, I could see our investment as a foundation, and let go to see what they plan to build upon it. We'll always be a call away in case the run into difficult situations, and may even give a quick supportive shout of advice if we can't hold ourselves back.

We are moving into that phase of life and it can definitely be difficult but we are learning to step back and give our daughter a chance to spread her wings and fly on her own. Just in the 2-1/2 months she has been away at school, she has really stepped up and done a lot. We've been very proud of her.

We have also seen firsthand the parents who aren't doing the same and are still hovering over their children, attending to their every need even though they are out of the house. It isn't healthy for the parents and especially not for the kids who aren't being given the opportunity to figure things out on their own.

Parents need to give their kids the space to succeed or fail on their own. The kids aren't going to mature into independent adults if they constantly have their parents standing there protecting them and doing everything for them. Let the kids make decisions. Give them input and discuss it with them and make sure they're thinking things through but have them make the final decision and enjoy the benefits or deal with the consequences of their decisions.

[bigdaddybus]

But it's not just food but it translate often to other things like clothes shopping. Instead of old navy, buying abercrombie. Instead of Target going to nordstrom. It's often times going from high end to low end. How do you explain that you can't afford that?

I agree with others that your "broad generalizations" are based on opinion, not fact.

My wife and I made a bit over 200K this yr, my teens didn't and they know this fact. My daughter loves buying big name clothes at second hand resellers. It's all in how you raise them.

We don't really explain to our kids what they can and cant afford. We instill the value of choices

[LivingAlmostLarge]

$200k isn't the income i'm talking about. That's barely scraping by where I am. Most dual income couples where I live make that and more. I'm talking more like people making 7 figures and really able to afford private school, eating out, vacations, pretty much everything and anything without blinking an eye.