Cheap Stupid

[doingitallwrong]

The fact that you thought it was cheap or not good enough is not their issue and I don't understand why it is such a huge deal to you.

Not the OP, but I can think of a couple of reasons.

One, because it is inexcusably rude to invite guests to a dinner party (which is essentially what a wedding reception is) and not have enough food or drinks (even tap water) for them.

Two, because they asked for advice on how to save money on their wedding and then ignored every bit of it in favor of not providing for their guests.

I don't really think it's "such a huge deal" to the OP, this was admittedly just a vent, but what better place to share the frustration of frugal vs. cheap than on this forum where there are so many experts on being frugal *without* being cheap?

[Gailete]

Weddings can be fraught with many emotions and many expectations. I grew up in the part of the country that a wedding reception was cake and punch, coffee, nuts and mints. Not a sit down dinner of some sort. So when I got married the first time way back in the 70's, when it was still very acceptable to have that sort of reception especially when the wedding was an evening wedding, my former MIL approached the pastor of the church (never speaking to my mom or me first)and told him she was concerned that here wouldn't be enough food and what could she do as SHE didn't want to be embarrassed! Wise man told her to talk to my mom. So she told my mom that she didn't think there would be enough food and what could they do. So my mom had her make hot sandwiches. I didn't know any of this was going on at the time and wished later I had as it might have been the final nail to help me break things it off in the first place instead f having 13 years of misery. To me who had only wanted the sort of reception that I was used to, was frustrated that behind my back things had been done that I didn't want and wasn't told they would be happening. We would have never run out of anything of what we planned to serve and considering the snowy weather, etc. no one really wanted to hang out for a long extended dinner party. We buried my grandmother the day before and the weather had been horrible so we were scared nobody could come to the wedding anyhow.

Over the years as I was married to the ex, I observed many of their family weddings. Full fledged sit down meals, elaborate gifts, trying to top each other in elaborateness. Guests invited out of duty, not real friendship, etc. Just very wearying affairs. Crazy as the givers of the weddings were farmers and solid lower middle class people that were for some reason throwing weddings as if they were Donald Trump. I was at a wedding shower for my sister in law that they went out whole hog for and when I was introduced to another guest at the shower. She was surprised to know that the son had gotten married and my MIL said oh, they just had a small wedding! Since a cake and punch reception doesn't have nearly the limits of guests as a sit down meal, I was surprised to hear that as I had asked my MIL to be for a list of all that needed to be invited to the wedding and I invited all she indicated and we prepared for that many. Needless to say, I was surprised to find out that she had trimmed the guest list on her own volition, assuming she would be embarrassed by lack of food, lack of niceties, lack of whatever. Since traditionally it is the brides family paying for the wedding why did she think she would be embarrassed? This was her mode of operation throughout my 13 miserable years married to her son. Always going from a position that I was embarrassing her and him as if I was some country hick! Which I am not. Nothing I did was the right thing other than producing the only boys to carry on the family name. After I popped out the two boys she barely spoke to me again (other than telling me I was an unfit mother because I didn't make meatballs!)and neither did the ex!

Crazy history of a wedding, but to me it showed all the machinations in the background that if I could have interpreted them, would have never married the jerk. I was however at that time a bit on the naive side, assuming that I was being told the truth. I took years before I realized I had been set up to marry an mentally ill man, with multiple other mental problems. Much older, much wiser now, I can see so much and also get frustrated as you see how a wedding proceeds and you know it is something they can't afford or parents with goofy ideas are pushing in. One young lady I knew whose mother had died years before was depending on her MIL to be for advice and for some odd reason the MIL felt it was more appropriate to have the reception first and then the wedding! OK she spills her punch on her dress and then what? Or how can you say congratulations when the deed hasn't happened? As it happened her finance called it off the week before and devastated the poor girl, but at least she got out of marrying into that strangely thinking family. Weddings and there plannings can be some of the biggest indicators of future marital happiness than anything else that I know of. Unfortunately it is generally far too late to do anything about it at the point of the wedding.

Not only is there the cheap vs. frugal part of the wedding, there is also the negotiations that brings out personalities big time, like brides thinking their ring isn't nice enough. Most people getting married see all the things that they will hate in the future, if they only pay attention and are willing to step back and say no if needed. Which is the advice I give every bride, until she says I do, it is not to late to back out and one day's embarrassment isn't worth years of misery. This is part of the frugal mindset, seeing beyond today and how a purchase or activity will affect you in the future.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Like2plan, had I known they were going to have no kid friendly meals I would have swung by somewhere else and picked up a full meal for the kids period. I wouldn't have minded, but they should have said so instead of implying it was ALL organized and taken care of. It's not like I hadn't asked just 2 days before and been assured everything was okay.

Gailete, I like that teapot story cool. I've got a great baby blanket from Project linus actually and my daughter still sleeps with it. By the way after the ring story, the groom just laughed off my DH saying I wouldn't have married LAL if she hadn't liked the ring and requested a new setting and stone. He'd have taken offense. I was floored honestly but I guess the groom thought he was being to "frugal" and needed to spend more on the ring.

Dawn it was like going to a bad dinner party and wondering what the heck happened? Not usually do I bring my own food or food for kids. I believe my kids eat what adults eat, even spicy we mix it in so our older one is getting used to how we eat. Always I've been complimented on our kids eating everything. They eat off our plates. But I could barely choke it down. But it was spicy and I drank water and went scrounging for more. I drank my DH's glass to boot. Thankfully I brought the kids milk.

[Like2Plan]

Like2plan, had I known they were going to have no kid friendly meals I would have swung by somewhere else and picked up a full meal for the kids period. I wouldn't have minded, but they should have said so instead of implying it was ALL organized and taken care of. It's not like I hadn't asked just 2 days before and been assured everything was okay.

Yes, it does sound like it was an epic fail in regards to the couple caring for their guest's, especially the kids.