Reluctant Spenders

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I've come recently to some interesting revelations. And it makes me wonder if this lifestyle of living with your means or frugally during work, causes people to be unable to change.

For example my mom just got a smart phone. She is concerned about the "price" of it. I support whatever she wants but seriously? My parents have no bills and income over $200k/year. They still send money to a Roth IRA but have to "back door" it because they make too much from pensions and stuff. Yes my dad still works part-time for NO reason. He was forced to take SS at 70 and saves it! So I feel like they've spent so long saving and being frugal I want them to enjoy whatever they want. My mom still drives a 1996 Toyota Avalon and talks about one day buying a new car. I said she should do it. She's like well maybe in the future.

My FIL? Recently splurged and bought a Mercedes. I think it might be happening. Granted this is his one indulgence for a guy still working, no bills, and making a very good income. We've been pushing him to get a new car since he drove a 1995 Dodge Transporter. FINALLY! They can't take it with them,

My MIL? Has been eyeing a retirement condo but is unsure about the costs. I swear I keep telling her to do it. She's started to rent one out to trial it. I hope she bites the bullet and does it. She has started to travel everywhere.

Anyway the point is all of our parents have grown up with the mentality to not spend more than you make, save, be frugal. When can they stop being so frugal and start spending money on themselves they've worked so hard to save? And enjoy it?

We certainly don't need it and don't want it. I want my mom to be happy and enjoy life and travel and do whatever. My in-laws too, but that's DH's job to convince them. How do savers break out of the mold after 40 years of saving?

[corn18]

Why do you think they are unhappy? Maybe frugal makes them happier than traveling. My wife's grandparents were like that. Multi-millionaires who bought soap in bulk and dried it out in the closet so it would last longer. Never went on vacation. Drove old cars. They spent less in a year than I spend in a week. They were happier than I am.

[disneysteve]

I want my mom to be happy and enjoy life and travel and do whatever. My in-laws too

Why do you think she is unhappy? Has she told you that? Does she feel she isn't enjoying her life? Does she want to travel? Or are you projecting your lifestyle desires on her?

I had many people ask me when I was going to get a new car. I was driving a 1998 Camry that I ended up having for 14 years so I got that question a lot. It's funny how many people assumed I wasn't happy because I had that older car. But I couldn't have cared less. As long as it worked and got me where I needed to go, I was totally content. I didn't care if it was 5 years old or 15 years old with 1,000 miles or 150,000 miles. It just didn't matter.

[bjl584]

I see where you're coming from. How much is enough? If you aren't going to live a little and spend some money, then why bother saving so much in the first place? If you live super frugal and don't spend much, then you could probably hang it up at 50. But to keep working and saving and investing into your 70's and not spend a dime does seem counter productive. You don't need 10 million dollars to live frugally. You could have the same security and lifestyle with 1 million.

[ua_guy]

My folks have similar qualms, and they too are set for retirement, and then some. I've caught myself multiple times telling my dad he can't take it with him, and that I expect none of it when he passes.

He enjoys being frugal, that's all there is to it. I think half the fun for him is knowing he's got money in the bank to replace something like a car that same day, but he wants to see just how long he can make his existing car last- after all, he paid good money for it.

That, and shopping for a car in retirment is entertainment for at least 5 years. Researching models, test drives, talking about it with everyone, but never buying. Only buy when the old one finally catches fire, right?

[disneysteve]

If you aren't going to live a little and spend some money, then why bother saving so much in the first place?

We save to have financial security when we retire, not necessarily to be able to spend it all. Maybe they want to leave a nice gift to family or support a favorite charity after they die.

He enjoys being frugal, that's all there is to it.

Exactly. If someone is being frugal out of need, then once they have money, they are likely to want to spend it. If, however, someone is frugal by choice, they tend to stay that way no matter how much money they've accumulated.

[bjl584]

We save to have financial security when we retire, not necessarily to be able to spend it all. Maybe they want to leave a nice gift to family or support a favorite charity after they die.

I can see the charity or inheritance aspect, but how much financial security does someone need? My point was that if someone lives super frugal and doesn't hardly spend money, then they can achieve financial security well before they reach their 70's. At that point, there is no need to keep working full time or at all. To each their own, but I certainly would hang up my work boots much earlier if I could afford to.

[disneysteve]

I can see the charity or inheritance aspect, but how much financial security does someone need? My point was that if someone lives super frugal and doesn't hardly spend money, then they can achieve financial security well before they reach their 70's. At that point, there is no need to keep working full time or at all. To each their own, but I certainly would hang up my work boots much earlier if I could afford to.

Same here. But I do know many people who totally love what they do and work for that reason, not because they need the money.

My mom is almost 84 and financially secure but she still works part-time because it gives her something to do and makes her feel productive and useful.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I don't know. I wish they could be more free and break out of their frugality and not worry. They truly are set for life.

[KTP]

Backdooring a Roth at age 70+ is actually pretty funny.

[disneysteve]

I wish they could be more free and break out of their frugality and not worry.

Are they worried?

[snafu]

Just to be a contrarian...it's wonderful that parents and in-laws are in good health. As the years go by the body wears down and they will eventually need daily care. At that point you'll be grateful for their frugal ways as it currently costs around $ 5K per month for for ambulatory seniors' care. They need staff to bath, cloth, prepare meals, grocery shop, pay the bill. Home care will be needed to dust and vacuum, do the laundry and look after transportation to endless medical appointments. Eventually there will be hospice care and it's all kai-ching

[JoeP]

I don't know. I wish they could be more free and break out of their frugality and not worry. They truly are set for life.

Sounds like you're wishing something for them. Your mom complained about buying a smart phone. What do you expect will happen if you convince her to spend money on something even more expensive?