The better you do, the more you worry?

[Nika]

It seems to be that way.

After a great stock market year, after increasing our family's income, after opportunities to earn more arise, after a generous gift, the pressure on ourselves feels greater than before. We should relax, calm down. But it seems to have an opposite effect.

People who do well worry more than before, and those who do not have anything put away for retirement don't even think about it.

I don't know how to combat these unpleasant psychological effects and be more relaxed.

Do you find yourself thinking about finances more and put more internal pressure on yourself as you are doing better, instead of feeling more at ease about it?

How do you fight it?

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I guess that is not the way I am put together. It was when I could not even find a job while family all around me were un- or underemployed that I felt the most anxiety. When I and those around me are doing well, I relax considerably. For me the concern for the future at a time when I'm doing well, saving, and have a modicum of security is nothing like the downright fear and anxiety of not having enough income in the present and uncertainty as to how that can change in the future. For me, every step toward a better living and greater security made a positive difference in my outlook.

[rennigade]

You may be on to something op.

A lot of my friends who are absolutely care free have very little money, spend it as soon as they get it...and most of them couldnt care less. Its interesting actually the mentality of them.

[HappySaver]

I do not feel this way.

I worry less when we are doing well.

[Reggie]

I think it's true to an extent. My mother came over a few hours ago to borrow $1000 to pay utilities that were about be turned off. She's unbelievably happy and lives everyday as if its her last. I have always worried about finances. As soon as I had a year of expenses put away, I needed two years and then three. I couldn't bear getting a mortgage so I bought half the house I could afford and paid cash. I am about to be 40 and think about my retirement accounts nearly everyday of my life.

[cardtrick]

I definitely think about it more, now that I'm doing much better. But, I'm not worried. I just push myself to do better, so I'm constantly thinking of ways to increase my net worth.

[kyoko]

Don't we all have a little voice in our head discouraging us and making our life miserable?

It may be your unconscious mind that focuses on your finance, and your brain gets stimulated and starts chattering something so nonsense (some psychologists call it monkey mind chatter)
The thought is so powerful that it could even bring it into the reality (whatever you focus on will expand...) so before it gets out of control, simply tell your monkey mind, "Thank you for sharing" and ignore it.

Also, perhaps it is a good idea to look back where you were and how well you came along, and simply be thankful. Thankful for the great year of stock market, increasing income and some gift... This may give you a sense of peace.

Stay strong!

[bjl584]

I definitely think about finances more now that I have some money. I know that most of my invested money is for retirement decades from now, but it's still heart wrenching to see my accounts go down several thousand dollars when the markets have a bad day.

[Like2Plan]

People who do well worry more than before, and those who do not have anything put away for retirement don't even think about it.

I don't know how to combat these unpleasant psychological effects and be more relaxed.

Do you find yourself thinking about finances more and put more internal pressure on yourself as you are doing better, instead of feeling more at ease about it?

How do you fight it?

I set goals and as we reach them, I feel much more relaxed. What else can you do?

I'm not convinced that those who don't put anything away for retirement are not worried. I think they believe they will just delay their retirement and in some cases, they may feel like they won't be able to retire.

[cschin4]

I don't think it is so much a function of money but more a function of time. When I was young and had diddly squat I had an abundance of youth. So, the world is still your oyster and you have time to make mistakes and recover from them and even if you have nothing , you have the world's greatest asset which is youth, exuberance and a fresh face and energy. As you go down the road of life into middle age, you begin to realize you no longer have that on your side. And, now you have long term commitments and ties like a mortgage, etc. Or your spouse has a job so if you lost your job, you can't simply pack up and move. You dont' have the luxury of time to recover and you dont' have the fresh faced enthusiasm of youth which is really what most employers desire far more than they desire experience. In our culture, I don't think experience is valued all that much any more. Most employers seem to want to hire someone young that they can mold into their corporate culture rather than someone who might think otherwise.

[disneysteve]

I definitely think about it more, now that I'm doing much better. But, I'm not worried. I just push myself to do better, so I'm constantly thinking of ways to increase my net worth.

I would agree with this. I definitely think about it more because we have more to think about and I want to make sure we are making smart decisions. I wouldn't describe it as worrying though.

Folks with no money don't have money to worry about. They don't have investments to track. They don't have a stack of 1099s arriving in the mail every day right about now. Having more money certainly adds a layer of complexity to our lives but that's perfectly fine with me. I think it is much better than the alternative.

I'm also more aware of what the market is doing since we have so much of our wealth invested. The guy living paycheck to paycheck couldn't care less if the Dow goes up or down because it has no effect on his life. For me, however, if the market crashes, I've got a lot of money on the line.

[feh]

About 4 years ago, when our retirement accounts were getting large enough to entertain the thought of early retirement, I became a little bit anxious. I knew that a major goal was in reach, and I didn't want to screw it up.

So, I didn't just fret about it; I educated myself on investment strategies and how to prepare for early retirement. I am now at ease.

[Like2Plan]

They don't have a stack of 1099s arriving in the mail every day right about now.

Ugh! That is a fair point about all the paperwork. I used to worry a great deal -- about all the paperwork for taxes (1099s) and the possibility of losing paperwork (such as statements collected over 30 years) needed for figuring out cost basis. It was such a big deal to me that I worked on consolidating assets into a target fund and other measures to tame the paperwork beast. I have been working on this goal for about 5 years now and I am much happier at tax time as I am starting to see some results.

[ua_guy]

For my situation, yes, I worry more, the better we do. Part of it has to do with getting older and realizing that the time windows for things like compounding interest and "getting ahead" are narrowing. Even with good resources, resources are limited. Instead of only looking ahead like I used to do in college, now there's considerable road behind as well. Looking back can provide rest as well as anxiety. We've worked hard for what we have, and it seems as time passes that it could all just disappear very easily. A lot of the fear comes from not just being able to "start over" anymore and bounce. Losses carry more consequence at this stage in the game, and I'm starting to realize that this may be "as good as it gets" in terms of income.

The worry is the same and also different from friends of mine who still live paycheck to paycheck. Their worries are focused on the short-term, immediate need of making sure a car payment gets paid, the rent, an overdue cell phone bill, some of them are still knocking out student loan debt. Our worries are more strategic; will we be able to pay off our home before turning 50; will the market sustain our retirement goals; and it's starting to appear that my inlaws may become a liability at some point, so how will we deal with that?

[straightandnarrow]

It's the classic argument for money =/= happiness. It's a supremely difficult thing to be content and happy (not just financially but in all aspects) with your lot in life. I find it very difficult to separate my ambitious mentality of always wanting more from the part of me that is pleased with how far I've come and where I currently am. If you're too content you lose motivation and if you're too motivated it easily leads to the stress and worry which prevents you from enjoying what you've already worked for.