Kids and Christmas

[elessar78]

One of the things I hate (and that's probably not an exaggeration) is the materialism surrounding Christmas. I hope not to offend anyone. It really came to a head two years ago, when my then 4 year old nephew, had an obscene amount of presents to open Christmas morning—I found it vulgar.

My kid has a playroom full of toys (several bins worth) and she plays with the "cheap" toys on her own: dolls, baskets, books, our old gadgets while the "expensive" noise-making, electronic toys we and others have gotten her sit unused for the most part. Maybe it's confirmation bias, but it tells me we don't need to get her a mountain of expensive toys.

My wife is concerned that she won't love Christmas/believe in Santa if she doesn't get a lot of fun things (she is 3).

I tend to be cheap when I think things are unecessary. Any way, someone care to talk me down from this perspective?

[disneysteve]

You certainly don't need to buy "a mountain of expensive toys". You've already learned the kinds of things she enjoys playing with, so focus on those. If they're cheap, all the better. She's 3. What does she really need? Not much, and she probably already has it. So just make it about the experience of opening presents. A present might be a coloring book and a new box of crayons, or a new outfit for one of her dolls, or an age-appropriate jigsaw puzzle, or other small inexpensive gifts. Each gift could cost as little as $1. The cost isn't what matters.

When DD was younger, she frequently got gifts that came from the dollar store. Of course, now that she's 18, it's been a long time since we could get away with that, but at least now we're able to buy her things that are actually practical, even if they are more expensive.

[MonkeyMama]

My wife is concerned that she won't love Christmas/believe in Santa if she doesn't get a lot of fun things (she is 3).

I think it's just relative. In my family we always received one gift for Christmas. & I LOVED Christmas. But you know what you know - when I was a kid I never knew that Christmas was supposed to be about mounds of presents. I don't even think I got that inkling until I was an adult.

I married into a large family who thinks Christmas is not complete unless all the adults get like 20 presents and the kids get 100 presents. I find it pretty maddening. There is absolutely no reasoning with them. What is worse is that all the adults also have December birthdays. (I just opened a mound of birthday gifts from my in-laws yesterday - delivered on Thanksgiving for my December birthday. Considering I am an adult with little in needs and wants, and I probably never received that many gifts on one day as a child - I find it kind of crazy. & I will just get another mound of gifts on December 25?). But anyway, in our house the kids know they are lucky to get one present under the tree (usually something quite modest), and we focus on charity instead. I figure if nothing else that my own kids will emerge with some sense of moderation (seeing the two extremes). Sure, the kids like the gifts, but they also see a lot of drama and stress in regards to those gifts. They also have learned to appreciate the other side of the coin.

Which reminds me, my son is the eldest child in the entire family. I believe when he was 2 or 3 my MIL bought him a TON of gifts and he just cried as he was forced to open all them. (When he was 1 or 2 we opened all the gifts and he was kind of clueless). He opened the first one and he wanted to play with it. The End. A small child does not enjoy opening up a large number of gifts - I don't think they have the attention span. With age they can enjoy it a little more AND thankfully Grandma has 5 other kids to shop for besides my own. It's still *insane* if you ask me, but not as bad as those early years with only one child. It can be really over-whelming to a small child. & lord knows, they would rather play with the box most of the time.

[hamchan]

If I may take a moment to brag on my kid... I have no idea how I got so lucky, but she is an absolute joy when it comes to materialism. She is 14 now, but she has never acted "spoiled." This year the only think she asked for was Nancy Drew books and socks. Most years she asks for nothing besides "a hug". We've had really lean years and really good years, but she is always so happy and excited with the gifts she gets. Her favorite presents are always the homemade ones. I don't feel bad if I can't afford to spend a lot on her, but I do feel bad if I don't have time to make her anything, because I know those are the gifts she really loves the most. It's hard for me to not spend a ton on her though, because she doesn't expect it and she sincerely appreciates it. She is my biggest financial weakness, and my number one reason for ever carrying a credit card balance (though at least I get them paid off as quickly as I can). She has a lot of extended family who send her gifts too, so she really gets a LOT of presents around her birthday and the holidays. I also send her a card and some small gifts each year for Halloween, Easter, and Valentine's day, since she is at her dad's on those days, and I know she gets checks from her grandparents for those holidays too. I feel really lucky. She is such a sweet and unselfish kid.

[cardtrick]

One of the things I hate (and that's probably not an exaggeration) is the materialism surrounding Christmas. I hope not to offend anyone. It really came to a head two years ago, when my then 4 year old nephew, had an obscene amount of presents to open Christmas morning—I found it vulgar.

My kid has a playroom full of toys (several bins worth) and she plays with the "cheap" toys on her own: dolls, baskets, books, our old gadgets while the "expensive" noise-making, electronic toys we and others have gotten her sit unused for the most part. Maybe it's confirmation bias, but it tells me we don't need to get her a mountain of expensive toys.

My wife is concerned that she won't love Christmas/believe in Santa if she doesn't get a lot of fun things (she is 3).

I tend to be cheap when I think things are unecessary. Any way, someone care to talk me down from this perspective?

If I ever have kids, I will secretly hope that they don't believe in Santa. Santa is all about promoting materialism. If it takes a special day to recognize that you should be spending time and money making the people you love happy, then you need to take a good look at your priorities in life.

I hate giving 'gifts', especially for birthdays. The gf kind of expects one, so I do it but only for her birthday. Otherwise, I buy her things all year round. Her family is a bit disgusting when it comes to holiday gifts. They send each other lists of things they want. WTH? That's such an American thing I guess. In the culture I grew up in, you'd be ridiculed if you told someone what to get you as a gift. The whole point of gift giving is that the person giving the gift knows what you want/like.

One of my friends has this awesome holiday tradition. They don't give each other gifts, but they all spend a week together in Mexico. One of my biggest regrets has been that - Not travelling when I was younger. My dad never had the time for us. I did get a ton of gifts but I didn't really care for them.

[asmom]

One of the things I hate (and that's probably not an exaggeration) is the materialism surrounding Christmas. I hope not to offend anyone. It really came to a head two years ago, when my then 4 year old nephew, had an obscene amount of presents to open Christmas morning—I found it vulgar.

My kid has a playroom full of toys (several bins worth) and she plays with the "cheap" toys on her own: dolls, baskets, books, our old gadgets while the "expensive" noise-making, electronic toys we and others have gotten her sit unused for the most part. Maybe it's confirmation bias, but it tells me we don't need to get her a mountain of expensive toys.

My wife is concerned that she won't love Christmas/believe in Santa if she doesn't get a lot of fun things (she is 3).

I tend to be cheap when I think things are unecessary. Any way, someone care to talk me down from this perspective?

Not me. I learned my lesson over 15 years ago watching my kids open Christmas presents. Every year, they would ask for one particular present and we would get that for them plus a bunch of other crap they didn't even ask for. They were always excited to play with the one gift we gave them and could give less than a care for the others. They were excited to open them and thanked me of course, but they never played with the other stuff.....at all. I learned my lesson. Every year, they get one and only one gift and they are just fine with that.

[asmom]

If I ever have kids, I will secretly hope that they don't believe in Santa. Santa is all about promoting materialism.

That is not what Santa is about to the kids. I never promoted the idea of Santa to my kids but unless you wrap them in a cocoon how are they to avoid it? By the time, he was 3 or 4, my daughter was 10 or 11 and she gleefully told him that there was no Santa and I did not do anything to refute it. He said he accepted it but one day, he came to me and asked me if it was okay if he believed. I felt so guilty! I told him of course it was, and he was so happy to believe that there was this kind, benevolent old man out there who loved him and looked over him. By the next year, he was over it but I will never forget how badly he wanted to believe in Santa.

[kork13]

If I ever have kids, I will secretly hope that they don't believe in Santa. Santa is all about promoting materialism.

Santa is who/what parents make him out to be, just like so many other aspects of teaching kids--it is what you make it. In my family, Santa was always simply the spirit of giving around Christmas time. From very young ages, my siblings & I all knew there was no fat, jolly old man... But we still received gifts marked "From Santa", because they were intended to be gifts from an anonymous giver who cared dearly for you. Mostly from our parents, but sometimes from neighbors, an "extra" gift from a sibling (by practice, we only gave each other one gift apiece), or an extended family member. Growing up, we would normally pick a few kids' names off of the Sugar Plum Tree (not sure if this is a common American tradition or not, I didn't grow up in the U.S.... Kids in need have their names & interests on little Christmas ornaments, and people in the community take the ornament & buy gifts for the kids). Anyway, we would each buy the gifts for our Sugar Plum kids, mark them "From Santa" and give them to the charity for distribution. So each year, we got to BE Santa Claus -- it was fun.

All of that sort of goes to my feeling about Christmas & gifts... In my large (5 kids) family, each of us normally only received one gift from each sibling (which were often plotted & planned for months ahead of time), plus one from each parent. Grandparents would sometimes send gifts, but not always. As I said above, any "extra" gifts were "From Santa", and often shared between multiple kids. We loved it.


On a totally separate note, I saw this article today from WSJ: How to Give better Gifts - WSJ.com. Basically, it discusses that good gifts are either (A) a "treat", something special that the person would not normally get for him-/herself; or (B) an experience, like movie or show tickets, or a massage, or whatever. Well put, and totally in-line with my thinking... I think it applies to kids as well. Kids, just like adults, don't really want a million dumb little gifts, they would really be happy with just one or two things that mean something to them, or that are (in their eyes) special & exceptional from the norm. No need to be extravagant, just a bit of creativity & knowing what sort of things they enjoy (or might enjoy, for "new experience" gifts).

[cardtrick]

asmom/kork - That's why I said "secretly hope". I'd feel pretty bad about bursting his/her bubble. It's OK for kids to get gifts. But it doesn't take much for them to grow up into materialistic zombies. I might just start that tradition in my family if I ever have kids. No gifts, but everyone gets together for a great experience every holiday season.

[Amanda695]

Kids these days are extremely spoiled. I wouldn't say to not get her anything, but get her just a few things. She doesn't need a room full of toys!! And she's only three! You can even try going for the more educational toys. Those are always better

[cschin4]

Don't rain on your wife's parade. She thinks this is fun. Set a portion of money aside and just enjoy it with her. Don't break the bank but don't be a Scrooge either. So what if you buy some useless crap? We all do.

[feh]

My wife is concerned that she won't love Christmas/believe in Santa if she doesn't get a lot of fun things (she is 3).

I tend to be cheap when I think things are unecessary. Any way, someone care to talk me down from this perspective?

I think your position is completely acceptable. But, it's not my opinion that matters - you need to come to an agreement with your wife.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I am cool buying my kids gifts for Christmas because I know what I want them to have. BUT today I had to go out and buy Christmas gifts for friends who talked about giving my kids Christmas gifts. I am SOOO Annoyed. I only exchange with one friend for my DD1, and even then because she FORCED it. I told her up front I didn't want to the first year, like I TELL all my DD friends. BUT she insisted and gave me daughter a gift and ignored my wishes.

So I ended up exchanging but I warn everyone else I do NOT want to and please don't give gifts. I think MANY other people like not spending the money or time. For me it's too much stuff more than even the money.

Now I am up to 3 families we exchange Christmas presents, and it PISSED me off today. I can't believe I had to buy Christmas presents for 5 kids. It just pissed me off so much. The amount of time and effort is annoying.

And in case you wonder if it's just Christmas for my kids birthdays I don't ask for no presents, I just do a gift exchange. That way people who will bring presents can bring one but I don't do party favors and I don't get junk gifts! I get one! So much easier.

I can't stand it. I don't expect my kids to get a present for a birthday party, if people came empty handed I could care less. It's like my wedding. Some people came empty handed and it didn't matter. I wanted them there and if they could afford a gift, thanks! But if not it wasn't important. I only had 55 people there and i was FINE.

I HATE christmas and I had shopping, I hate WRAPPING the presents. Today I also bought 8 birthday presents for the parties my DD1 will be going to in January to March. We do hang with these friends a lot and my kid is going to the party. If they asked for no gifts, I'd honor it, but I don't mind buying a present. Again I hate wrapping. I hate the gift bags though.