Stupidity of people

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Okay I love my family but I really do wonder about how stupid some of them are. I know many people rail against the welfare system, and I defend it as helping those who need it. But when I start to see people who are on it not working and being stupid I just want to smack them (them being my family members).

First my cousin is 35 with a 1 year old. He is working as a substitute teacher trying to get a full time, permanent position but his girlfriend, whom he didn't marry, doesn't work and is getting food stamps, free medical, and welfare but they live together. His parents said "she doesn't want to get married until she can wear a fancy gown and have a big wedding". Okay seriously hello! You had a kid, live rent free in another family member's house (aunt who has alzeheimer's living with daughter but can't sell house), and you are thinking of having a big wedding? You don't even have a full time job? I don't get where their values are. When I look at them I wonder if what is wrong with society and perhaps the welfare and food stamps aren't working. Instead they are promoting laziness and stupidity.

Second my other cousin is 31 and come to find out 10 weeks pregnant. She is unmarried and living on the mainland, but now is moving back home to Hawaii to live with the father of her baby. They are "too busy" to get married. But at least the guy has a job and house. I think she got pregnant on purpose because my aunt and uncle were pressuring her to date him and be with him. And she did it to trap him. After all "he has a good job, family has money, and he owns a house." Yeah another one going on welfare, free medical, and probably food stamps while living with her boyfriend.

Third my aunt who is 27 (long story about more stupidity) has two kids 5 and 3, unmarried, on welfare, food stamps you name it. She has been going to school to get her degree and using federal/state money to send her kids to daycare. But now that she's done she still isn't working and living off the government.

I can't fathom the stupidity. My mom, a retired social worker, told me growing up there is no such thing anymore as an accidental pregnancy. Nowadays with birth control there shouldn't be accidents. I feel bad saying this about my own family but why do they do such stupid things?

More than just getting a hand out, do they realize the responsibility of raising a kid? And having kids willy-nilly with people I don't think they are even committed to? What is going on with people nowadays? An cousin #1, his mom said "oh nowadays it's the in thing. Everyone has kids not being married. You just have a child when you want."

Sorry for vent but I can't help but shake my head at this stupidity.

[JoeP]

It boils down to this: Some people don't think ahead enough to understand how their actions affect their own lives and the lives of others. This might be a combination of poor parenting, or not retaining lessons learned from their own experiences or the experiences of others, or assuming that a safety net will be there and they can afford to be reckless.

We grew up next to a family that pretty much has everything you mentioned...all living under one roof. Plus add a few feral cats, a dog on a 3 foot chain that finally broke free and 5 minutes later got run over by a school bus loaded with kids, another dog that was forced to sleep on a concrete garage floor all year round, and kids/grandkids/others running around with just diapers. But you know what? They took full advantage of those safety nets, so by their perspective, everything was cool, so why change? That's HARD!

[hamchan]

If it makes you feel any better I got food stamps and child care assistance for a short time while I was in school. If it had not been available I'd have had to drop out and still pay my student loans back. I only had two months left. Getting my licence allowed me to be able to support myself as a single parent. When I decided to go to school again last year I was able to pay all my bills plus have a little left over working only 25 hours a week. Without being able to finish school the first time I'd have never been able to do that.

[dojo]

I'm getting married this Saturday. We'll go sign the papers and then take some of our friends for a snack. That's my wedding. I don't plan on getting a wedding dress or all this crap, especially since we cannot afford it. OK, we could, but I wouldn't waste money to feel like a princess, when we're having other priorities: getting our business up and running (his 'side' of the business, my web design business is doing OK and currently supporting his and the family) and also getting ready for having the baby (which was planned and is due in 5 months).

I think people need to stop trying to live the 'good' life and think about priorities. If you cannot afford something or realize there are other things more important in life that that, just focus on the big picture.

I had such examples in my family too, their pride really made them do stupid things. But, as long as I'm not paying for this ....

[annibe11e]

If someone is living with the father of their child, even if they are not married, they are considered to be part of the same household in most states. This means both of their incomes are used in determining eligibility. If you think someone is receiving welfare fraudulently, you can send an anonymous tip to their county.

[ruffy]

I figure once you either move in with one another or are having a kid together then the big wedding is pretty much obsolete. Its a waste of money anyway. I plan to do the whole paperwork ordeal as well, plus it saves on family drama. Your family sounds a lot like mine..best thing you can do is keep away from it or it'll cause problems for you.

[joywow]

I think people need to stop trying to live the 'good' life and think about priorities. If you cannot afford something or realize there are other things more important in life that that, just focus on the big picture.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Not really many people would say they aren't living with the father of the child and are just visiting daily.

But that aside I can't believe how people I thought were better than that are turning out so stupid. And using policies that should be for people who really need it.

[Gailete]

It is true there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy. All that is needed is both to keep their pants on so to speak. I had a neighbor at one point. They had 2 kids but hadn't gotten married yet since they 'couldn't afford it'. So they finally got married in a fancy ceremony with get this SIX bridesmaids! I've rarely seen that many bridesmaids in a wedding. Yes, it seems all the rage anymore to have the baby first. In our vital statistics in our newspaper I notice in one week, more single moms had babies than couples did. It comes down to morals which no one want s to think about any more.

Using government programs to take care of you is the lazy way out for most of the these people. I say that as someone that has been supporting myself since I was 17. I did all the frugal things I could to keep body and soul together and very hard to see at times the welfare moms with better stuff than me. But that is what our society allows.

I had a niece that early in 2012 announced that she was getting married in Sept. Well she didn't get married but had a baby instead. She and the baby daddy had long broken up. Then almost immediately we hear she is getting married in July. Well she managed to do that, in tie dyed dresses no less, and then we just got the word that at the point of the wedding she was already 3 months pregnant. Wonder if the marriage will last as long as this pregnancy? Shaking my head. Before the wedding, she was working 3 jobs to make ends meet. Wonder if the hubby has a job at all. But at least she wasn't on welfare but probably got WIC.

Marriage is hard enough without starting out with kids, no money, and no real hope that life will ever get better for you. then you turn to government assistance and that leads you into total dependence on a program that rewards you for staying home since once you earn over a certain bit, they take all the help away instead of helping you get on your feet and then gradually withdrawing the help.

[hamchan]

As someone who got pregnant on birth control pills, I totally disagree. And extended voluntary abstinence isn't really an option when you are married either.

While I have no doubt that there are some people who have no intention of being self supporting, there is nothing comfortable about needing government assistance to survive, which is why the vast majority of people who receive it are off of it quickly. Quite frankly, it sucks.

[Gailete]

And extended voluntary abstinence isn't really an option when you are married either.

Please note that I meant to refer to unmarried people as the OP had mentioned several that all had jumped the gun and were pregnant picking up government funds as well. For married people combining two forms of birth control should also help. Sorry about your 'accident'. My mother tells me that out of 5 kids 4 were born while using some form of birth control. We were as poor could be after my father left us to continue his pursuit of the perfect women and seeing how many half-siblings he could make for us. My mother refused to get government help and somehow managed to eek out what he sent (when he sent it) the support checks he sent her. When she married again my father immediately stopped paying any support following the broken logic that the step father should be happy to support HIS children. Believe me I know what it means to be poor. However, I have only known one person who was quick to get off of welfare. For many that I see it is a way of life, period.

[hamchan]

You've probably known a lot more than one person. The people who use it short term don't tend to make it known. I never did.

[Mjenn]

You've probably known a lot more than one person. The people who use it short term don't tend to make it known. I never did.

This. I do know people who have cheated the system, but I also know a lot more people that have used the system and then gotten out of it. I don't think it is fair to knock people for trying to take care of their children, and I don't think you should force people to marry, just because.

Yes, not having a big wedding is a stupid reason to not get married, yes, but in this day and age, if people want to live together and not be married, does it really matter? If the tax and benefits system is still set up on the old-fashioned idea that people need to be married to be considered family, that is the fault of the system and not the individuals.

And yes, access to birth control is getting easier, but it is not fool proof, there is such thing as accidental pregnancy. And access to abortion is getting tougher. You can't have it both ways.

Also, if your cousin is working 3 jobs and still needs WIC, that should be a sign about how crappy minimum wage laws are, not about WIC. WIC is there to protect and make sure BABIES get what they need. Seriously, this is a pretty important thing to have in impoverished communities. This is not about families using welfare checks to buy large screen TVs this is about babies getting formula and nutrition.

[cardtrick]

I'm getting married this Saturday. We'll go sign the papers and then take some of our friends for a snack. That's my wedding. I don't plan on getting a wedding dress or all this crap, especially since we cannot afford it. OK, we could, but I wouldn't waste money to feel like a princess, when we're having other priorities: getting our business up and running (his 'side' of the business, my web design business is doing OK and currently supporting his and the family) and also getting ready for having the baby (which was planned and is due in 5 months).

I think people need to stop trying to live the 'good' life and think about priorities. If you cannot afford something or realize there are other things more important in life that that, just focus on the big picture.

I had such examples in my family too, their pride really made them do stupid things. But, as long as I'm not paying for this ....

It's hard to find girls like you! My gf only wants a small ceremony at her parents' place. I estimate it wouldn't cost more than $3000, for the whole thing. Still not bad at all, although I would prefer to also just sign papers and have friends over for a small party at home. I'd rather spend money on the honeymoon. Like an eco-resort in the Amazon! Not that I'm planning on getting married...

[cardtrick]

Okay I love my family but I really do wonder about how stupid some of them are. I know many people rail against the welfare system, and I defend it as helping those who need it. But when I start to see people who are on it not working and being stupid I just want to smack them (them being my family members).

First my cousin is 35 with a 1 year old. He is working as a substitute teacher trying to get a full time, permanent position but his girlfriend, whom he didn't marry, doesn't work and is getting food stamps, free medical, and welfare but they live together. His parents said "she doesn't want to get married until she can wear a fancy gown and have a big wedding". Okay seriously hello! You had a kid, live rent free in another family member's house (aunt who has alzeheimer's living with daughter but can't sell house), and you are thinking of having a big wedding? You don't even have a full time job? I don't get where their values are. When I look at them I wonder if what is wrong with society and perhaps the welfare and food stamps aren't working. Instead they are promoting laziness and stupidity.

Second my other cousin is 31 and come to find out 10 weeks pregnant. She is unmarried and living on the mainland, but now is moving back home to Hawaii to live with the father of her baby. They are "too busy" to get married. But at least the guy has a job and house. I think she got pregnant on purpose because my aunt and uncle were pressuring her to date him and be with him. And she did it to trap him. After all "he has a good job, family has money, and he owns a house." Yeah another one going on welfare, free medical, and probably food stamps while living with her boyfriend.

Third my aunt who is 27 (long story about more stupidity) has two kids 5 and 3, unmarried, on welfare, food stamps you name it. She has been going to school to get her degree and using federal/state money to send her kids to daycare. But now that she's done she still isn't working and living off the government.

I can't fathom the stupidity. My mom, a retired social worker, told me growing up there is no such thing anymore as an accidental pregnancy. Nowadays with birth control there shouldn't be accidents. I feel bad saying this about my own family but why do they do such stupid things?

More than just getting a hand out, do they realize the responsibility of raising a kid? And having kids willy-nilly with people I don't think they are even committed to? What is going on with people nowadays? An cousin #1, his mom said "oh nowadays it's the in thing. Everyone has kids not being married. You just have a child when you want."

Sorry for vent but I can't help but shake my head at this stupidity.

I don't think I could get myself to take help from the government. My family is very close, so I would ask them for help if I needed it. After all, that's what family is there for!