Dealing with an addict in the family...

[Bades]

M girlfriend's 21 year old sister is unfortunately a mess at the moment with a potential felony and is addicted to some hard core drugs. My gf and I are looking to get married within the next year and pretty soon her family problems are looking to become my family problems Her sister went to rehab last year, for a couple thousand dollars. Got out, never went to a half way house and just got right back into it. Got caught by the police using, and her mom sent her back to rehab again for another couple thousand (all on loans from the rehab center). She got out, went to a 3/4 house, and OD on her prescription pills to help her with her addiction (smh) and now got kicked out. The mom has dealt with addicts her whole life and is tired/drained and has no fight left in her. My gf is the level headed one in the family and is the 'family glue'. Unfortunately we live 2 hours away so there isn't a lot we can do.

So now her sister was caught using last night again, and her mom is leaving for a vacation with her friend this morning. So my gf drove and picked her up last night and brought her back to our apartment for the week. Needless to say I'm not to thrilled about this. Selfishly I'm thinking about all my possessions I have while were both away at work and her sister is home alone in our apartment all day...I'm really uncomfortable with this...

I know this isn't a financial saving question, but these kind of questions have popped up from time to time and there are some very smart people on this forum. I guess the main question is, what do you do with this girl? Her family have exhausted all their resources and money on her and cant afford anything else. Do you just kick her out and let her do her own thing and go homeless if she has to? This has been going on for the past two years.

Thanks everyone sorry the post was long!

[bjl584]

First of all, I would absolutely not allow someone like that to live (possibly) unsupervised in my house for a week. When you get home from work you might find that all of your electronics and fine china have been hawked for drug money. I'd pay for a hotel for the week before I'd let her live with me.

The bigger problem is a little more tricky. People need to help themselves. If they aren't willing to, then all the outside help in the world won't work. Often people don't want to help themselves until they hit rock bottom. Has your gf's Mom been enablinhg her behavior? Giving her money? Turning a blind eye to her behavior? If so, that needs to stop. Unfortunately, maybe a felony and some jail time will be the only thing that will wake this girl up. A less drastic approach may be to try to get her involved in a local church or social club. Being surrounded by good people may be a way to pry her away from her bad lifestyle.

[Thrif-t]

Tough love. Yep she has to hit rock bottom before she will climb back up. We have an addict in our family, my little nephew. Little; he's 33 but been doing drugs since he was in high school. Parents are divorced, ex-sil always enabled him. My brother would not. Ex Sil has finally been drained but now he's just found others to mooch off. He's never hit rock bottom as someone has always been there to enable him. I'm distanced from it since I live away from him, but its been hard on the family. I'd not get involved with this girl. I'd offer to help her if she asks but until she does you'll just be wasting your time.

[disneysteve]

You and your gf need to get on the same page here. That would be a dealbreaker in my book. She certainly can't allow this addict into your shared home now or ever. That simply isn't acceptable, and not just when you're not home. You can't even let her in when you are there because you can't watch her every second. Stuff will disappear. Anything she can slip in a pocket or bag to sell for drug money. Any meds in your closet. Any money left lying around. If your gf can't agree to that, you need to seriously reconsider that relationship. If she isn't willing to put you ahead of a drug addicted felon who has destroyed her family, there's a problem.

Sorry to sound harsh but I've lived through that story myself. It doesn't end well.

[asmom]

Do you just kick her out and let her do her own thing and go homeless if she has to?

YES

You can't help her, she has to help herself at this point. There's no need for all of you to get sucked into the abyss. You have no responsibility here.

[cypher1]

One of my siblings is a former addict. He's been clean for almost 3 years now after wanting change for himself. He still goes to support groups 5-6 days a week to help others. I'm pretty sure he'd say the only way to deal with it would be to simply cut that individual off, no matter how harsh that sounds as others have already stated. You can't force anyone to change, ultimately it's going to have to be on them to make a difference. Good luck to the both of you.

[Bades]

Thanks for all the responses! I got a call last night that my gf and her sister talked and that her sister wanted her and her mom to stop telling her what she needed to do and just wanted to do this on her own. So they drove and she was dropped off at a women's shelter for the night. The rest is in her own hands.

[kork13]

Thanks for all the responses! I got a call last night that my gf and her sister talked and that her sister wanted her and her mom to stop telling her what she needed to do and just wanted to do this on her own. So they drove and she was dropped off at a women's shelter for the night. The rest is in her own hands.

Good -- I'm glad your SIL was able to at least make the choice not to continue taking help from the family. Any situation like this drains on the family emotionally and financially, but hopefully she is able to make the choices going forward that will help her escape the trap she's fallen into. Wishing you and her all the best....

[snafu]

This is and will continue to be a tough situation. It's critical that GF not be an enabler. The addict can't be allowed in your home or to influence decisions.

[swapnil]

You can do all sorts of things to make her understand or to the height you can send her to rehab centre for getting treatment and after reading your post it is clear you and your gf's family had taken all efforts on your part to better the situation, now it depends on her to change herself, though it is dangerous to keep her to your house unsupervised all day, but you can't let her go or kick her out of the house, sending her to a hotel room seems a better idea, but you would have to convince your gf first for this if she agrees send her to some hotel and hire a room for her.

[asmom]

Thanks for all the responses! I got a call last night that my gf and her sister talked and that her sister wanted her and her mom to stop telling her what she needed to do and just wanted to do this on her own. So they drove and she was dropped off at a women's shelter for the night. The rest is in her own hands.

Good deal.