Frustrated

[marjorie]

Re: Frustrated

For wedding flowers,
I've seen nice posts on frugal websites about a company at www.freshroses.com. they sent flowers for you to arrange... might be worth checking into. Good luck!

[mccartygirl]

Re: Frustrated

Our parents had no savings for our education, our vehicles, and now our wedding. I don't mean to sound unappreciative, but I am tired of hearing how much better other generations were about saving. Maybe everything just costs too much now.

I'm just confused why it should be your parents responsibility to save for your education, vehicles and wedding, especially the vehicles and wedding. My mom didn't have the money to pay for any of those. She helped with the college but I owed $24,000 when I got out (in a job making $22,000 at the time), I have bought all but 1 of my cars that my grandpa bought me and it was a $600 POS that I was very appreciative for. For my wedding I took out loans, charged our cards up and as did my mom. I just don't understand why you think your parents should've saved that $$ for you for those things. I agree with P. Perky - other than food, shelter and medical all else is a luxury. My daughter's wedding, 1st car (and that's it) and eduction will be paid for but it's not something that is owed to her, it's something my husband and I planned all along. Daycare is expensive but you have to take your income in mind - how much more do you make than you pay into daycare, is it worth it?? Everything is a lesson, if you have kids you can learn from the board how you want to save for them. I don't mean to sound rude or anything but your comment about your parents not saving for your cars, your wedding and education seemed, I don't know. I would have never assumed my parents would do that and my husband wouldn't have assumed that for his parents. Thankfully, his parents paid for his college, his car and our wedding - they did not chip in for. It's life, a lesson that we learn from. I can understand the housing market prices, I live in one of the top 5 wealthiest counties in the US, it's ridiculous. But I think the housing prices went up with the increase in salary.

I have a question about the dress - why didn't the cleaners reimburse you for the dress? We have bridal stores around us that have sales on last years dresses, have you looked there? Weddings are expensive, my brother in law married into money and his wedding cost $55,000! Whew! Country Club wedding and all. Silliness. This might sound weird, but if you know a creative person they might be able to make your flowers for you and you could buy them from Michaels and/or JoAnns with the 40% off coupons. I've never made flowers for a wedding so I don't know if those would look nice or not. I know my friend used them for her centerpieces and it was beautiful. For the cake - do you have a culinary school near you? They have cake making classes and one of the students there might be able to make you a very good cake for less money. Those darn cakes are outrageous! Have you thought about going to a beach resort for the weekend? My friend did that and I know it didn't cost her $22,000. She had a cake and everything.

I hope I didn't come across rude, I didn't mean to be. I wish I had more wedding suggestions for you. Heck, we cut a lot of stuff out of ours and it still cost $20,000 - that was 9 years ago. Good luck, keep your chin up. Maybe your house will double in value in 2 years. I can tell you not to cut on things that you really want on your wedding. I know this is a frugal site but you don't want to look back and say that you hate your day. I hated my wedding, we didn't pick any of it - not even the dress! It's your day, you can make more money and save more money. I know I'm going against everything this board is for but you should be happy on that 1 special day.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Frustrated

Thought of 1 more suggestion - all 3 of my friends that got married last year printed their own invites. They bought them at Michaels (with their nice 40% off coupon), it saved them a ton! I think a few even printed them at work during lunch hours so they didn't have to pay for ink.

[marjorie]

Re: Frustrated

As far as a cake, you might consider haing a smaller "wedding" cake than you need and having guest slices served from the kitchen. That way you can use sheet cakes, at a considerable savings. Favors can easily be made. Pews can be decorated using tulle from craft stores bought using coupons.

[locolorenzo24]

Re: Frustrated

My brother's wedding was a justice of the peace with her two kids, me, mom, dad, stepmom, grandmother at a resturant.....Total...around $500...there is always a lower-cost alternative to whatever you are looking at...you just have to look. Also, don't let him or parents pressure you into something just because it's "nice." Do what you are comfortable with and maybe take some extremes...
-Trim the guest list?
-Self bake cake, or have someone local make it for you(as a wedding gift?)
-Invite guests to contribute to a "Happy Day" fund, with all $ going to pay off said wedding....
-Make your own centerpieces, favors, etc...Sometimes you can rent said table fixtures....
just a few ideas....

[jodi]

Re: Frustrated

I have to agree with mccartygirl...all of those things would be great to be paid for by a parent, but it certainly is not their responsibility. My parents never bought me a car or paid for very much of my education. I will be paying off $15k in student loans for a few more years. My parents did contribute a great deal to my wedding, but they wanted to and were able to without hurting financially. Would you want your parents to go into debt to give you a wedding??? I certainly wouldn't. It's just not their responsibility - only feeding, clothing, and taking care of your basic needs until you are 18 is. Anything above and beyond - well, it's nice, but not mandatory.

A few ways we saved on our wedding (although if you have already booked everything, it may be too late for suggestions):
1. Bought my dress at a consignment store - a really nice one that only sold wedding dresses
2. Had a "non" professional photographer - he only did wedding photography as a side job. He handed over all the negatives after the wedding so we could make our own prints. No paying $10 for a single print for us! I cannot believe what professional photographers charge, only to have you at their mercy for reprints.
3. Skimped on the cake - bought the cheapest one we found (about $250 for 140 guests). Also skimped on the limo. We spent our money instead on the things that were really important to us.
4. Did seed packets tied with ribbon for favors - cost about $.12 a person.
5. Instead of open bar, we had a half keg and alcoholic punch. Saved us a ton of money, although I know some people do not like weddings without open bars.

Last point - if you always feel like you are being deprived by saving money, then you will never be happy. Frugality requires a mindset change - not just brownbagging your lunch while you think about how unlucky you are. When I came to realize what was really important (family, friends, health, financial stability), much more than any material things I can buy, I realized how few things I needed to make me happy. Each year I rack my brains to think of things I want when people ask me for gift ideas. How lucky I am to not WANT anything - I have it all already. If you can step back and look at the big picture, you might be surprised.

$100k is a lot of money to most people on this site. I hope you can find a way to make all your dreams come true with it One more thought...I don't know anything about your situation, but some areas of the country are just harder to live in financially. What about moving to a much more affordable place? Average home costs in my area range from $80-150k for a nice, even new, home. If you chose to stay in a high-cost area, then you will probably be asking yourself these same questions for the rest of your life. Good luck.

[nanamom]

Re: Frustrated

My parents paid for my education. I always thought I would do the same for my children but it didn't financially work out. There were times I was hard pressed to put food on th etable, saving for college was a pipe dream. As a result my first two did not go to college (I have high hopes for the third because we are in a different financial situation). I will regret it for the rest of my life. I do not feel that parents are obligated to pay for their children's education however and I can't imagine having them pay for vehicles or a house. One thing I was able to do was pay for my daughter's wedding. I will always treasure the memories of picking out cake and flowers and a dress. I think she will too. I am trying to save for a down payment on a house right now. A wedding can be beautiful and inexpensive. Have a punch and cake reception instead of a meal. It cuts costs radically and your friends will understand. Make your dress. Simple is elegant. Tuxes are uncomfortable and expensive. Have a "trademark" that makes the wedding yours. My son had a picnic (the food is cheaper and so is the space rental) Pictures are important. Hve "formal" ones done before the ceremony at Walmart (or the equivalent). The package deals are cheap and have candids done at the reception (picnic) by friends.
As to a house. I have owned two houses, sold both at a profit. Neither was over 45000. I am saving for another and in the meantime I rent. I don't like it but it is what we have to do. When my credit report recovers form the hit it took with my divorce I will be in the market for a fixer upper because that is what I can afford. My vehicles are not new and never will be. I feel rich if I have no debt and am living within my means.

[Ima saver]

Re: Frustrated

Jodi, what you said about brown bagging your lunch struck a note with me. My husband and I have always brown bagged our lunch, even when I worked in a restaurant; I took my little cheese sandwich and drank water. He still takes his lunch every day. He has workers that eat at restaurants every day. They must spend $5 a day. That is $100 a month. When we asked if he had any savings, he looked at us like he was crazy.
I agree about the wedding, it can be done much cheaper. I was so happy at my wedding, I could have been married at the city dump and would not have cared!!

[Ima saver]

Re: Frustrated

I just read mccarthy's post (did i spell right) and she says she was unhappy with her $22,000 wedding. See, how much money you spend on your wedding does not make you happy. As a matter of fact, it can contribute to your unhappiness because of all the preperation and things that can go wrong.
My daughter stepped on the back of my dress and ripped it, right before the ceremony. I pinned it up and did not care a bit. I just wanted to get married to the love of my life. Even if I had been a millionaire, I could not have had a better wedding than the one I spent $100 on.

[frugalfarmwife]

Re: Frustrated

I'm so glad we eloped I DO understand that some women dream all their lives about their weddings but I for one had NO INTEREST in a fancy "do". I watched my brother and his now wife plan a wedding when I was 16, watched the stress and strain and maddness and decided not for me!

Hubby and I went to the small church where the pastor from his childhood was at and had the ceremony just the three of us, took off for a two day vacation in KY and then back to the farm and life!

But we also lived together and honestly I don't think that people already living together should have some big huge wedding, you've already set up housekeeping, just make it legal DON'T FLAME ME, just my personal opinion!!

kj

[Lostsoul33]

Re: Frustrated

The first time I was married, the cost of the wedding was around $25,000. That was with a luncheon and approximately 100 guests. My parents paid for almost everything. The marriage lasted a year.
The second time I got married, I spent $800. I have been married for almost 8 years and I couldn't be happier.
So...it's not the money spent that is going to bring you happiness. If you're worried about the money now and it's not even all spent...how will it be once you're married and dealing with the debt. If it's going to make for tough times, it's not worth it. Also, you can't worry what others will think. When I got married the 2nd time, the hubby's family was upset that we didn't have the big wedding. If we had the big wedding, we wouldn't be living in our nice big house right now. We would still be living in the crammed one bedroom apartment. For us, the house was more important than that big wedding day. Also, your wedding day will just fly by and you'll wonder where all the hours went. Okay, I'm done rambling. I think if you're already uncomfortable with the amount that you're going to spend.............don't do it. JMO though.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Frustrated

Ima saver - exactly! We wanted to elope but MIL's point of view was, "This is your wedding but it's not what you want, it's what everyone else wants." Needless to say, they added lots to the wedding but didn't chip in a cent. Oh wait - cashed in DH's life insurance policy to pay for the DJ. I watch that stupid Whose Wedding is it anyways, needless to say DD has a wedding/car fund already set up. Lord knows what it's going to cost in 20-25 years.