Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

[BCHGRL]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

If you read my other post called "frustrated" I believe you'll understand why I feel this way. Everyone is now trying to tell us that we are in debt because we are all just people who madly consume without reason. When in fact, prices have just escalated to an unreasonable point and we are all doing whatever we can just to survive.

If I let what I couldn't afford dictate my life, then I wouldn't have a college degree, I couldn't get married in April, and I would never own a home.

Sure, it is better to have firm financial footing first, but are we going to stop having offspring just because everything costs an arm and a leg now?

[Bruce Wayne]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I don't think that being in debt is a reason for not having children, but the important thing is that you should support your child yourself. If you're having to rely on state welfare to raise your child then that sends a more damaging message than being in debt I should think.

[byusteeler]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I grew up poor in a wealthy neighborhood. Attended school and church with kids whose families were quite affluent. We did not have a car for many years. We would borrow my grandma's car once a week and go to the laundry mat and shopping and run all our errands. I did not go to preschool or get to take all the lessons and things that most of the neighbors did. (I did get piano lessons and ballet , from someone in their home and not at the same time) We were fine. I think in todays society we think we NEED so much more than we really do. My mom on one occasion recieved food assistance from our church for a short time, which made me and my brother a little uncomfortable. But I would say we had a good childhood filled with love and cheap fun.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I think there are many ways to answer this question. I grew up dirt poor and ate more Spam and nasty Rago in my lifetime than I ever care to admit. For Dh and me, we waited to have children until we made a certain income. I did not want my child to have to go without, and I mean without in reason. I don't want her to have to beg to borrow tennis shoes from a friend because she made a sports team. I want her to learn about money and about saving money. On the other hand - I don't like paying for people who are having tons of kids on welfare. That's ridiculous. There are more things to life than money, but money helps. If you can feed, put clothes on your kid's back and shelter over their heads - then that's great. But the second someone says, "I'm having another kid to get more welfare." I have a problem then. I have a friend who's cousin has 5 or 6 kids, all from different fathers, she's on welfare. My mom was a social worker and came home with more stories than I can think about it.

Most important thing is - can you feed them healthy food, give them a good house and lots of love, then you can get the rest elsewhere.

[sonj]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I have two children, at this time I would not consider having another....college, braces, dental visits, clothes and all that is to exspensive. But DH and I are happy with our kids....we agree we don't need any more..

I also had my kids 9 yrs apart which is great I only have to worry about 1 ortho bill at a time and so forth.
But everyone is gonna see it differently.

[asmom]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I personally want to raise my kids as though we have less money than we do. IMO, which I am sure many will disagree with, kids do not need their own tvs and computers, lessons from the time they are 3 years old, to go to the "best" schools, to wear name brand clothes, etc etc. My kids are going to play outside, use their imaginations, color and draw, build with simple blocks, go to public school, wear thrift store clothes and their older siblings hand-me-downs, eat homemade food and veggies we grow in the garden...they same as I did. And I think they will be just as "privileged" as any kids whose parents think it really does take $100k to raise a child. And I am certain that they will appreciate what they do have.

Oh that was beautifully stated!

[jodi]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Thank you

[miclason]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

When I got pregnant, I was in very bad financial shape...she's been my inspiration and drive ...without her, I'll probably still be lying under the covers crying about my ex-husband!!
...because of her I cannot just give up!

[nanamom]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

First, Princess you said it great. Now, we were poor when I had my first 2 kids. We're not exactly rich now. I remember trying to be creative with eggs and tuna because they were cheap. I remember making things for birthday presents as well as Christmas. I think one of my favorite pictures of of my DD when she opened a gift I had made. It was a First Aid kit. I made it out of a old worn flannel sheet someone had given us. My niece tells me one of her earliest memories is of playing with it with her. Money isn't what is important. Consistent caring and discipline is. Kids aren't a burden. We want more of them! This time around I find us still eating tuna and eggs! We shop at Goodwill and use hand me downs. It doesn't have to be expensive to have kids. (NO matter what my MIL says!)

[khorovetsyelena]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

We have 2 kids, and I would want to have more, but I feel if there would be more of them the less each kid gets. We can't afford a bigger house right now, and they both have to share the same room.
I came from a big family, and 4 of us had to share the same bedroom, and there wasn't enough space to do the homework, and it was always noisy, that I couldn't study. I had to babysit my sisters instead of going outside and play like all normal children. My parents were working all the time and we had to do lots of chores. And also work in our garden, not because we liked it, but because if we didn't grow our own vegetables, we wouldn't able to buy it.
My husband is the only child, and I think he is soo lucky not having to share anything with anybody. And he had his own room.
Maybe I just waid until my kids are old enough to make decision whether they want another brother or sister, I am still young and can wait even 10+ years if I have to.

[Firefly]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

It is not fair to have a child if there is no way to provide for it.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

no way to prvide and poor are VERY far off

[Firefly]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

To me poor is when you have no way to provide. You are barely surviving.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Well for the most part the USA statistic team and we disagree. Poverty line in the USA is what I make, so perfectly able to provide.

[shelbylovesmelby]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

If there is a will there is a way to survive no matter how many kids you do or don't have. You don't have to have an abundance of $ to raise a happy productive child. As my sil once told me it's not how much you spend on them, weather it be dollar store toys or the most expensive, what you want them to remember is the time you've spent togeather.

I have 2 kids also & a sahm. I would like maybe 1-2 more, but like others have said I have a small house and can't afford to go bigger. So maybe in a few years we will look @ things and decide if we are done or not.