Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

[fultron]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Having kids can make the poorest soul feel like a billionaire.

Its not about how many 'things' that you give them, its about how much of you that you give them.

[flash]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Ditto on the previous few posts - having or not having money does not in itself make one a good or bad parents, providing a parent can feed, clothe, and take care of their child's medical needs. If those basics are not met, then perhaps they should wait and work on the budget.
However, that being said...I personally want to raise my kids as though we have less money than we do. IMO, which I am sure many will disagree with, kids do not need their own tvs and computers, lessons from the time they are 3 years old, to go to the "best" schools, to wear name brand clothes, etc etc. My kids are going to play outside, use their imaginations, color and draw, build with simple blocks, go to public school, wear thrift store clothes and their older siblings hand-me-downs, eat homemade food and veggies we grow in the garden...they same as I did. And I think they will be just as "privileged" as any kids whose parents think it really does take $100k to raise a child. And I am certain that they will appreciate what they do have.

Brilliantly stated!

I grew up DIRT poor, at the poverty line. We never took state aid, but relatives did hand down clothes, lots of fruit and veg off the farm. All clothes homemade, not in style, many times we ate breadcrusts off of the tea sandwiches made for others. I worked at odd jobs since I was 8, and basically fulltime since 16. I did receive scholarships, not for need but for intelligence. My parents never made it through Jr. High, but I was the first woman in my family to ever go to college and the first person to get a doctorate.

It would never occur to me that it was unfair to exist under those conditions. My parents gave me good values, a strong work ethic, a faith in God, and the ability to succeed under tough circumstances. That's what led to my "success", not being pampered and having everything but instead understanding the balance of working for it, using good judgement, self-denial, patience, imagination, creativity. I'm always amazed at the people who are jealous of my success, while spending every dime on clothes and spending more time gossiping in the coffee room than at their work.

[debtfreeme]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

i grew up the youngest of 4 kids with a mom who opted to stay at home until we were in school. We lived on the child support of less than 600 a month and things were very tight! We were lucky mom bought her home in 1975 otherwise it is entirley possible we would have lived on the streets.

It does not matter how much money you have but how much love you have.

[CJsoccerchic]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I have a friend that is up to her neck in bills, and was already in debt when she decided to have a child.
i think that in her case, she should have waited a little bit and gotten a little bit more settled with her debt. For the combined amount of money they make each month, they would not come off as poor, but their bills are seriously large. They pay $700/month for car+car insurance $400/month for past loans $600/month rent+power+water and that's not considering food!! So at the minimum, theymust pay$1700 for car/house/past loans and together they make $2500/month. Average in food - that's another $500/month and then of course misc stuff like toothbrushes, gas, etc and they break even each month and maybe just a little under..
I think they will be able to care and provide for the child, but everytime I see her, it's always "I'm broke this, I'm broke that" and sooner or later, if nothing changes, the baby will see this too....
So I'm on the fence... I'm childless so maybe that's affecting my thoughts too.
But one day I would like to, and I understand if I "wait" till I can afford a child, then I'll never have one... So it's a hard decision...

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Having kids can make the poorest soul feel like a billionaire.

Its not about how many 'things' that you give them, its about how much of you that you give them.

I love that line.

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

But love alone can't keep a child safe, healthy, fed, and educated.

[Ima saver]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I would hate to have children and not be able to provide for them.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

But love alone can't keep a child safe, healthy, fed, and educated.

Nope but that doesn't cost too much, it is the netendos and DVDs and mcDees and name brand shoes, all that costs alot. food shelter, education and heathcare, while not cheap, are pretty easy in the US.

[shelbylovesmelby]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

I agree with Princess Perky, it's all the nonessential stuff that gets expensive.

[DivaJen]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

We were lucky mom bought her home in 1975 otherwise it is entirley possible we would have lived on the streets.

It does not matter how much money you have but how much love you have.

I found these two sentences to be sort of contradictory. It did matter how much money you had - if your mom hadn't bought her home, you may have been on the streets? Not trying to pick on you - just a thought that crossed my mind as I read those lines.

I agree with others that if you can provide the basics for your child, they don't need all the extras. Ideally, all children brought into the world ought to have good food, a safe place to live, good medical care, a decent education and love from parents who can physically and emotionally be there for them.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Nope but that doesn't cost too much, it is the netendos and DVDs and mcDees and name brand shoes, all that costs alot. food shelter, education and heathcare, while not cheap, are pretty easy in the US.

Princess I don't agree - if healthcare was easy to obtain in the US then there wouldn't be such a debate about it. Food and shelter are not easily obtained either for some, same with education, I assume you meant college education.

I agree with some points but I'm in a minority here. I grew up dirt poor, below poverty line. Didn't see my mom much because she was working 50-60+ hours a week. Borrowed shoes from friends when I made a sports team, got picked on by the welfare kids because my mom waited on the at the restaurant. Sure - I had a roof over my head, love from my mom, Spam on my plate and worn clothes that were never in style. Let's be honest here, there is more needed than that. DH and I waited to have children until we could provide for them. We can pay for their college, buy their first car, pay for their wedding, etc. I want them to have, within reason of course. They will learn the value of the dollar but I don't want them to have to work 3 jobs through college while taking 21+ credit hours to get through a 5 year program in 4 years. I want them to enjoy their childhood and not be embarrassed by such stuff. I debate with co-workers on this topic all the time. I have friends who agree with me and my co-workers don't agree. Even though co-workers only had 1 or 2 kids themselves because that's all the could "afford". This is a hard question to answer and I don't think there is a broad right or wrong answer. It's like the SAHM vs. Working mom, breastfeeding vs. formula, etc For us - we waited until we hit a certain income before even thinking about having kids. That's just us and that's what was right for us. I hope I didn't offend anyone, wasn't meaning to.

[Ima saver]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Mccarthy, I don't think anyone was offended. i grew up poor like you did cause my dad died when I was young. My child was adopted but I waited until I could stay home and not work, so I had all my major bills paid off, except my mortgage.

[Snoopy2645]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Well I dont think you necessiarly have to be rich to have kids but you shouldnt be flat broke either. I mean I paid $30 today for dd to play baseball thats it for the whole season includes uniform & all but I have friends who cant even pay that they are way to far in debt. So for her kids I dont think its really fair they can never play any sports or do anything extra I feel so bad for them. I think every child should be able to do at least one sport if they choose

[mccartygirl]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Snoopy, I think that is well put. I want my kids to play sports or dance if they choose. Actually, when they're young I want them to try many things before deciding on what they want to do.

[flash]

Re: Is it fair to have a child if you're poor?

Everyone has valid points, but the question was whether or not is "fair" to have a child if you don't have money.

Personally, it's just as fair if you are poor as if you are rich. My SIL was the one who grew up with 100 pair of ditto jeans, and a porsche when she was 16. She has had quite a life, pregnant at 14, her own apartment at 14, GED then two kids and several DH's in jail (not the fathers) before she went back to school.

On the flip side, I grew up in poverty. Wasn't easy, would not want to live through it again. But the things I gained by being poor made me successful and able to get through tough times as an adult. Childhood wasn't fair, wasn't fun, but I would not trade the lessons learned.