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Hello, Savers. I have only posted a few times in the community and mostly reply to posts rather than write them, but I desperately need some advice. I'm in a bad position because my father just asked me for $9,000 via email about 20 minutes ago, and while I've never lend money to people (because I don't want to be a bank!), I feel in some ways obligated (because obviously I would be here without him).
My father is 61. My father's financial situation has always been terribly rocky, so that's my primary reason I don't want to lend to him. His career field involves salaries around $250k, but he still manages to always live from paycheck to paycheck. He has borrowed from friends and family members before and in some cases has not paid them back. He filed for bankruptcy a number of years ago after a shopping habit and a job loss put him far in the red. His credit has never recovered, yet he still lives a high lifestyle (bought a brand new Audi two years ago, nice house, nice clothes). The tides have turned on him again because he divorced my step-mother about 8 months ago and she was awarded half of his saving and his retirement, then he lost his job 4 months ago and has told me on the phone recently that he's completely out of savings, but he was just offered a job last week that requires moving.
My father being the man he is has already put $1,000 earnest money on a brand new, $250k house that his girlfriend "has her heart set on." He listed his house at $179,000 a week ago (owes $139,000 on the mortgage) and he already has an offer at the listing price, but the buyer just revealed he cannot buy the house until he sells his house (which was also just listed on the market). My father asked for money upfront from his new job to cover moving costs, living expenses and the down payment on the house. When he told me about the offer on the phone this weekend, he said he may have to turn down the job if they down offer enough money for the house! He said it's either turn down the job or take the job and starve until his house sells. My gut reaction was, "Well, I wouldn't let you starve, Dad," and then he said, "Well that's nice of you to offer, but I don't think it will come to that in any case." I didn't think I had "offered" anything, but I worried about that all weekend after we got off the phone, and now his email says the job offered him $10k upfront for moving and living expenses (which must be repaid within 90 days), but he said he needs $9k more to secure the 3.5% down payment for this house and that's why he's asking me.
Here's my situation: I'm 27 and my husband is 32. My husband and I have been married a little over a year. We are early in our careers and have a combined income of $140k/year, but we have more than that currently in investments and savings, and my husband also has an inheritance in a trust (we're not touching it and we've invested it as an additional retirement). It's likely my father is aware of the trust and that's why he's asking, but we also have good jobs and we live within our means, so he knows we have the money. I could afford to give the father the money from my own savings, but I wouldn't make this decision without my husband. My husband gets along with my father, but he's said before that he would never want to lend my father money. He knows everything about my father's current situation except that he has asked me for the money now. I plan to discuss it with him shortly, but I'm almost positive he will not want to lend the money. I don't want this situation to upset my marriage, but I don't want my father to judge my husband for not wanting to lending the money either.
I'm angry with my father for asking, especially because this isn't about him starving; it's about him not getting the house and the earnest money back. He could take the job and live in an apartment for a couple months and then buy a house when his house sells, but he's instead asking his youngest daughter for money. I'm angry that my father would gamble such odds just to maintain a lifestyle I find reckless, and that he would sacrifice his good standing in the eyes of my husband and put me in stress over a stupid house for his girlfriend. I feel stupid for falling into this trap, but even then I still want to help him.
Our answer will most likely be no, but my father will likely argue that when does sell his house, he will have enough money to pay us and the new job back and then some. He counter that he will pay us interest for the loan, but I'm not a gambler. I don't like this game, but I love my father. Anyone out there have any advice, or at least words of encouragement?
My father is 61. My father's financial situation has always been terribly rocky, so that's my primary reason I don't want to lend to him. His career field involves salaries around $250k, but he still manages to always live from paycheck to paycheck. He has borrowed from friends and family members before and in some cases has not paid them back. He filed for bankruptcy a number of years ago after a shopping habit and a job loss put him far in the red. His credit has never recovered, yet he still lives a high lifestyle (bought a brand new Audi two years ago, nice house, nice clothes). The tides have turned on him again because he divorced my step-mother about 8 months ago and she was awarded half of his saving and his retirement, then he lost his job 4 months ago and has told me on the phone recently that he's completely out of savings, but he was just offered a job last week that requires moving.
My father being the man he is has already put $1,000 earnest money on a brand new, $250k house that his girlfriend "has her heart set on." He listed his house at $179,000 a week ago (owes $139,000 on the mortgage) and he already has an offer at the listing price, but the buyer just revealed he cannot buy the house until he sells his house (which was also just listed on the market). My father asked for money upfront from his new job to cover moving costs, living expenses and the down payment on the house. When he told me about the offer on the phone this weekend, he said he may have to turn down the job if they down offer enough money for the house! He said it's either turn down the job or take the job and starve until his house sells. My gut reaction was, "Well, I wouldn't let you starve, Dad," and then he said, "Well that's nice of you to offer, but I don't think it will come to that in any case." I didn't think I had "offered" anything, but I worried about that all weekend after we got off the phone, and now his email says the job offered him $10k upfront for moving and living expenses (which must be repaid within 90 days), but he said he needs $9k more to secure the 3.5% down payment for this house and that's why he's asking me.
Here's my situation: I'm 27 and my husband is 32. My husband and I have been married a little over a year. We are early in our careers and have a combined income of $140k/year, but we have more than that currently in investments and savings, and my husband also has an inheritance in a trust (we're not touching it and we've invested it as an additional retirement). It's likely my father is aware of the trust and that's why he's asking, but we also have good jobs and we live within our means, so he knows we have the money. I could afford to give the father the money from my own savings, but I wouldn't make this decision without my husband. My husband gets along with my father, but he's said before that he would never want to lend my father money. He knows everything about my father's current situation except that he has asked me for the money now. I plan to discuss it with him shortly, but I'm almost positive he will not want to lend the money. I don't want this situation to upset my marriage, but I don't want my father to judge my husband for not wanting to lending the money either.
I'm angry with my father for asking, especially because this isn't about him starving; it's about him not getting the house and the earnest money back. He could take the job and live in an apartment for a couple months and then buy a house when his house sells, but he's instead asking his youngest daughter for money. I'm angry that my father would gamble such odds just to maintain a lifestyle I find reckless, and that he would sacrifice his good standing in the eyes of my husband and put me in stress over a stupid house for his girlfriend. I feel stupid for falling into this trap, but even then I still want to help him.
Our answer will most likely be no, but my father will likely argue that when does sell his house, he will have enough money to pay us and the new job back and then some. He counter that he will pay us interest for the loan, but I'm not a gambler. I don't like this game, but I love my father. Anyone out there have any advice, or at least words of encouragement?
, but I think many of you understand how the head and the heart can conflict in their opinions. 
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