Am I crazy or could my parents be wrong here? (Parents help with NOTHING)

**Thrif-t** · 01-08-2012, 04:30 PM

Well from what you posted about your parents it doesn't seem they have the funds to help you. Take the Windstar and be grateful for it. Of course this is coming from the gal who always worked for everything she got and expects the same of my kids. We're better for it.

**GrimJack** · 01-08-2012, 05:12 PM

Take the free car; it does not matter what your parents financial status is - it is their money to do with as they please. If they give you the car, make sure you get title then you can do with it what you want.

**Broseph_11** · 01-08-2012, 05:14 PM

A month ago they bought an inaccessible tract of land for $10,000. They don't know why, they just thought it was a good deal. (They paid cash and forged my signature because they're afraid the bank will repo the land) I agreed to it because I want to build credit. (To buy a CAR!!) I can't help but think that would have been at least a loan. It's crazy. How is it highschoolers have cars their parents buy them but my parents cant get me a loan?? whatever. i give up

**maat55** · 01-08-2012, 06:35 PM

My mom would not buy me a car when I was 16. My dad could not afford to. I bought my own car and love both my parents just the same.

Stop complaining and be greatful for what they will give you, they do not owe you anything.

**bill123** · 01-08-2012, 07:20 PM

We are only hearing your side of the story, so it is really tough to answer.

My dad went through college in the 60's with ZERO help from his family. When he had children (me and my sibling), he made it a goal to help us through college. He paid most of my tuition and books. I worked all through school, but only had to pay for a cheap apartment and food.

His mindset, was it was his duty to make sure his children got a good education and start in life. Luckily he also taught me good spending/saving and work habits. I am very grateful for his help and all he taught me.

I plan to do the same things with my children. Early on I started college funds for both, and lord willing they will have little or no student loans. Like my dad, I feel it is my job to make sure my kids get a good education and the best leg up in life I can give them. I am not a believer in cutting your kids off at 18. If you raise them right, then they will not abuse your help.

If your parents help you as little as you say, I am sorry. But you have to get passed that and move on. Since you are posting this question on an open forum, it sounds like you are very caught up in this. It is up to you to get over it and make the most of your own situation.

If you disagree with them, then when you have children, do better.

**Shewillbemine** · 01-08-2012, 09:15 PM

I suppose your plan is to sell the Windstar (or trade in) which by a rough KBB estimate will be $2500 - $4500. But unless you're planning to purchase a $2500 - $4500 vehicle CASH, it's likely you're thinking more of using this money as part of a down payment for a more expensive car and taking a car loan in the process.

I would not recommend that a 22-year old student take on more debt and a car loan (basically a depreciating asset).

Buying too much car is one of the earliest mistakes young people make and it's a great way to initiate yourself into the American debt cycle.

Take the Windstar and thank your parents (and fate) that you have a working vehicle. SAVE the monthly payments you were thinking of making when you were fantasizing of buying another vehicle. Then drive the Windstar into the ground until it literally dies on you. Then use your saved cash to buy a vehicle in the same price, no more.

With this plan, I promise you that the only discomfort you will feel is driving an old car around. The rest of your peers will be in heavy debt while you'll be on your way to financial success.

**ktmarvels** · 01-09-2012, 03:57 AM

To stir the pot a little: Is your name the only name on the land? Then why not sell the property. After all, it is yours (legally).

However, in reality there are other ways to build credit then owning a piece of land that you disapprove of. A small credit card that you only use for books and pay off every semester is one idea.

Also, my first car was a minivan. I was in high school and like you it was a hand me down from my parents. It hurt my ego a little bit in the beginning, but when it died a couple of years later I really started to miss it. (Of course by then I was an 18 year old who had just spent 2 years piling all her friends in the minivan who was just upset that now we had to take 2 cars everywhere.) So don't be too harsh on the minivan, you may end up loving it.

**bjl584** · 01-09-2012, 04:06 AM

Originally posted by Broseph_11 View Post

Feel free to disagree with me, but here's my situation. I need a car. bad. I've never had one and my parents are unwilling to help me get one. They haven't bought me anything after I turned 13. They don't help with college or books or any of my living expenses. I'm graduating in May and really need a car.

Today my dad offered to give me their 2001 Winstar Minivan that has over 200K miles on it as a "graduation present." I asked if I could sell it and trade it towards a real car. They said no. Is it just me or are my parents being selfish here? They make enough to be able to help me. I have no idea how to convince them. It always turns into a screaming match if I even bring it up. Do I have a case here?

A little bit about me:

-22 Year old full time Business Student (Senior Year)
-I've always been responsible with my money. I work hard and save what I earn.
-I have NEVER owned or even come close to owning a car because EVERYTHING I make goes to pay my tuition/books/food/prepaid phone, etc.

A little about my parents:

-My parents run a successful business and makes over $100K per year
-NOT responsible with their money
-Waste their money, have no concept of a budget
-LOST OUR HOUSE (the bank is kicking them out in the next couple months for not paying the mortgage in years)
-Absolutely REFUSE to listen to any suggestions I make about saving or creating a budget

Take the free car.

Why aren't you allowed to trade the van on something else? Once it is given to you and the title is put in your name it will be your property to do with as you please. Your parents will have no say in the matter.

**MonkeyMama** · 01-09-2012, 06:40 AM

Originally posted by maat55 View Post

My mom would not buy me a car when I was 16. My dad could not afford to. I bought my own car and love both my parents just the same.

Stop complaining and be greatful for what they will give you, they do not owe you anything.

Agreed.

A free vehicle is a heck of a lot more than my parents ever offered me. I don't hold any ill will toward my parents though. They taught me to be responsible, and they certainly don't owe me anything. (I seem to have had a much easier time in adulthood than most my peers, who were handed a LOT).

Of course, my parents could afford to help me more and I understand why they didn't. But it sounds like your parents really can't afford to help you anyway. I applaud them for at least realizing that. You know how many parents I see in that type situation who give their kids everything they ask for? No one wins in that situation. The kids just learn entitlement; the parents are just worse off. I've got a client who pays their adult married kids mortgage and car payment. They can barely afford their own mortgage and car payments.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 01-09-2012, 07:07 AM

Did your parents talk to you about the land purchase and forge your signature with your consent? Or did they forge your signature and tell you afterward? If the second is the case, I suggest you check your credit ratings & reports right away. There have been parents who ruined their own credit and then went on to ruin their child's credit (sometimes while the child is still a minor) by getting credit cards in their name, and putting utilities, cell phones, cable TV, furniture rental, appliance purchases, boutique purchases, etc in their names.

If your parents are willing to give you the car but tell you that you cannot sell it toward buying another, perhaps they are trying to avoid you finding out what is on your own credit reports.

I hope this is not the case.

Break away from your parents financially. Don't even think about what they should do for you as parents. You are grown now; don't go to them as a child and demand stuff. Whether they owed you something more or not is the past. Now it is time to live with independent dignity and rise above it all.

ETA: And get that $10,00 property out of your name. Sounds to me like your parents will later insist that you sell it and give them the money. In the meantime, you are liable for any taxes on it. You have all legal liability for it, too. I can think of more diabolical plans your parents could have regarding the land, but I won't go that far as to spell it out. Sell the land, give your parents the money if you like (Or send it to their mortgage!), and wash your hands of all financial dealings with them. Keep yourself protected.

**disneysteve** · 01-09-2012, 08:42 AM

Originally posted by Broseph_11 View Post

I'm graduating in May and really need a car.

Today my dad offered to give me their 2001 Winstar Minivan that has over 200K miles on it as a "graduation present." I asked if I could sell it and trade it towards a real car. They said no. Is it just me or are my parents being selfish here?

You need a car. Your parents are willing to GIVE you one and you are asking if they are being selfish? Sorry but I think you have that backwards. Take the gift and be grateful for it.

A month ago they bought an inaccessible tract of land for $10,000. (They paid cash and forged my signature because they're afraid the bank will repo the land) I agreed to it because I want to build credit. (To buy a CAR!!) I can't help but think that would have been at least a loan. It's crazy... my parents cant get me a loan??

This doesn't make sense. You say they bought a piece of land and paid cash but then you say they forged your signature - on what? If they paid cash, what did they need your name for? Then you say you agreed to it, which makes me wonder what the "forged my signature" means. You shouldn't be worried about building credit to buy a car. You should be worried about saving money to buy a car. And no, your parents can't, or at least shouldn't, get you a loan. If you want a loan, get your own loan. If your credit won't permit that, then pay cash for the cheapest car you can find - or drive the van and be happy to have it.

**Petunia 100** · 01-09-2012, 12:47 PM

How would paying cash for a piece of property in your name improve your credit rating?

My parents never bought me a car or paid for school. My mother felt I should be grateful I was allowed to live at home and attend high school, as that was something she was not able to do.

While I worked part-time in high school and saved my wages for my first car, my mother allowed me to drive her car back and forth to work. In exchange, I had to keep gas in the tank for us both and pay the insurance. The entire policy, not just the cost of adding me as a driver. I think she came out way ahead on that deal.

Are you crazy or are your parents wrong? Neither. You're not crazy, you're an adult. Adults pay their own way.

**bennkar** · 01-09-2012, 03:48 PM

Its probably too late at this point, but I agree you should take the van and make sure the title is free and clear, and then run it until it dies. And also do due diligence on the mystery property and see just what is going on there.

As for the parents, yeah, their behvaior sucks, but they aren't the only ones out there like that. If you feel that they are that nasty towards you, once you graduate get a job, move out, and don't look back. If they are as bad as you think, it can be very liberating. I know from personal experience, I cut the ties for a decade and though we're talking now I don't regret the decision for one second.

And for the people that say that parents don't owe money for their kids to go to college... while I agreee with the basic sentiment and logic behind it, do you feel you at least owe them a decent explanation as to why? Personally I feel you do owe them at least that much, it just shows respect for your child. (This is a sore spot with me as I had grants, loans and scholarships to cover more than 90% of my college expenses, yet my mother, who had plenty of money (including a nice child support payment) refused with a pathetic excuse. Her mother was so appalled by her she went and gave me the money I needed every year so I could get a degree without financial worries. For years she told me it was the best money she ever spent.)

**PetMom** · 01-09-2012, 06:01 PM

Broseph I would be concerned about them being in bad financial management and forging your name on a purchase of land. I thought a deed title had to be notoraized. How did they accomplish this without following proper procedure or you being there?

I would keep up with what is going on that your are 'acquiring' in your name.

It is distressing to watch parents have poor financial habits and not good to mix your name in the inevitable downhill slide of mismanagement.

I would take the older car and make it last longer and be glad of that - no payments and just keep a repair savings account.

Am I crazy or could my parents be wrong here? (Parents help with NOTHING)