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I would IN NOT WAY SHAPE OR FORM combine finances in any way until I was married. And, why? What is his reasoning? Are you living together? You might not think marriage is a important or a piece of paper, but down the road if you plan to have children, etc. it gets more complicated. And, if you ever do want to get married, then you simply do not combine any assets until that point.
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I am seeing BIG red flag control issues here if he insists on joint account when you are not married.
Perhaps a compromise, since you are living together, is in order. His/Hers/Joint. Each contibutes as agreed to the joint account to cover joint bills. All else is kept by each individual in their own PRIVATE account-do NOT share user id/passwords for those personal accounts or any cc accounts.
You also need to agree on what IS a joint bill. Beyound the usual rent, utilities what about curtains, a big screen tv, cell phone, personal grooming/care stuff, household cleaning supplies (will you use rags or paper towels, who buys the vacuum & who keeps it if you break up-same for blender, can opener, food processor....), groceries (he wants $$$ NY strip steaks, you think hamburger is the way to go as its on sale, green beans are on sale and you want $$ asparagus, what about junk food like chips or ice cream)........
If you buy the ??? (chips, ice cream....) is he allowed to eat it too.
As you can see I have seen some issues. DD2 lived w/boyfriend b/4 they married. She did INSIST on at least being engaged b/4 they bought the house.Comment
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I think you've just made a very lucky escape
And no, I wouldn't do a joint account with a boyfriend. I didn't even combine finances with DH when we got married. We do have a joint account now, but we both still keep our separate accounts too.
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Sounds like you don't trust him and now he doesn't trust you.
I think you are perfect for each other. Mutual distrust is the cornerstone of any long term relationship. I'm positive you can change him, given time. Perhaps having a baby would help!
You should fly to Las Vegas and get married this weekend!Comment
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So is that advice or more of a prediction of how things will turn out?Originally posted by wincrasher View Post
BrianComment
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Pretty funny! This had me chuckling!Originally posted by wincrasher View Post
If your boyfriend wants to break up with you over not wanting a conjoining account, let him! He sounds a little controling and off his rocker. Can't you join your cell phone accounts first and see how that goes!?!?Comment
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Thats pretty funny however you must be a big spend thrift and maybe a little controlling if you asking a boyfriend for that.Comment
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Easy, your not married, there is no legal contract. Not a good idea, especially if you were to break up and you or her run off with the money because it's accessible.Comment
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You know what? I was married for 33 years and always had combined accounts. I found out my husband was cheating and got one account only in my name, and when he left, he took EVERYTHING but the money in that one account.
Now, obviously, I'm a little on the neurotic side in this issue, but why on earth is he making this kind of demand? Does he want power over you? Is he going to start demanding you change your religion or drop friends he doesn't like? Is he starting to "mentor" you in such a way that you are not acceptable unless you change.
My advice is to tell him absolutely no. If he loves you, and you love him, you still have to set healthy boundaries, and it sounds to me like he is testing yours.
If as a result of this, he does break up, I think you may have been saved a great deal of grief.
Please take care and remember that your self worth is not determined by love relationships or having a "boyfriend". You have worth simply because you are a human being with all the glorious potential that entails. Don't be pushed around.Comment
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Yep sounds like you guys don't trust each other... Bad start..
Maybe you can compromise. You have your account, he has his account and then you both have a joint account. That is reasonable. The joint account is for bills, and all that jazz, perhaps vacations also... Talk it over with him before you call the relationship quits.Comment
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If your boyfriend want to break up with you over this, maybe you need to rethink the relationship. There's nothing wrong with having separate accounts, especially if you're not married. I'd question his reasons.Comment
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You have a few options:
1) Stick to your guns and end up breaking up
2) Talk it out, make sure both you understand each other's reasons, see if understanding those changes either of your mind's and see what you both want to do then
3) Keep separate accounts and also open a1 joint account that you both agree to contribute a specific amount to, and use for specific things.
4) The first reactions might be to object and so no its my money, why would I want to combine it, but if this guy is the real deal, and you guys are planning your life together already, stop and think, if you are, isnt the point to be sharing your life?
As a side note, does he earn more than you? Does that have anything to do with it?Comment
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If you are just boyfriend and girlfriend, absolutely do not mix finances. There are some perfectly good reasons for having a joint account (saving together for vacation, for example) but only if you still have your separate accounts too.
Until you are married, you do not want to be tied up with someone financially. I have heard horror stories of folks who were linked together financially, broke up, and now have debtors coming after them for their boyfriend/girlfriends' mistakes. It does happen.
If he cannot provide any good examples of why you need a joint account other than "it makes us closer" then run, don't walk, away as fast as you can.Comment
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I would Run!Comment
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