Young People Having Anxiety About Saving

**jimmyrules712** · 12-15-2010, 06:05 AM

Are you budgeting money for the extra things like shopping, eating out, splurging, etc.?

If you are then the issue sounds like it's mostly in your head and you just need to learn that it's OK to spend that "fun" money if you have planned for it in your budget. If you aren't then you need to change your budget to allow for that. You won't be able to sustain all those other great things if you don't give yourself room to enjoy life.

It's a good idea to give both yourself and your husband an "allowance" that you can guiltlessly spend on whatever you want (even if it's a small amount).

**elessar78** · 12-15-2010, 06:10 AM

It's a nice position to be in RRN! Like any other habit or mentality we have it takes practice to make or break. I think it is a problem when you can't enjoy your financial discipline because of issues of guilt.

Pick a nominal amount? $30? Go and buy something that you want. Don't think about it too much. Just pull the trigger and then don't go back and stew on it. Do it once a month. I think it may be even better if it's an experience purchase (like a massage, a dinner out for the two of you, hair cut) as opposed to an object.

Allowing yourself to enjoy a little bit of your hard work is not a sin.

**jIM_Ohio** · 12-15-2010, 06:11 AM

Take a vacation

you need to enjoy life because it will not last forever.

If you are saving 20-25% of gross pay, and have liquid savings, and still "cannot sleep at night" I will make 3 suggestions:

1) get professional (psychiatric) help. Maybe this anxiety is deeper than an internet board can fix
2) increase the EF. If you have 3 months expenses, increase it to 6 months expenses, it its already 6 months expenses, increase it to 12 months expenses...
3) Take more vacations, value life more. Saving is good, but it is only a means to an end. When it is all said and done, what do you want your child and family and friends to remember about you- that you saved lots of money, or that you were fun to be around? Think about that long and hard.

**jpg7n16** · 12-15-2010, 07:04 AM

Originally posted by Redraidernurse View Post

Background: I am 25 years old, married, with fully loaded Roth IRAs, 401k, fully loaded emergency fund, 529, and only a 70k mortgage (15 yr note at 4.8%). We contribute over 15% income to retirement. My husband and I both have decent jobs with health insurance and one child (and one on the way). Sounds great, right? Then why do I struggle to live a normal life?
I have terrible anxiety about saving money. I lay in bed at night stressing about about...Are we saving enough for retirement? College funds? Why did I spent $30 on gong out to dinner, I could have saved that?, etc, etc. When I go to the store to buy my child a single Christmas present my husband and I spend over an hour standing in the toy aisle of Walmart discussing which toy to buy, and end up walking out empty handed. Even though I don't live paycheck to paycheck, when I want to buy something I feel as if I need to pick up extra shifts at work to justify it.
I feel like it is affecting my ability to ENJOY LIFE. My parents instilled smart money habits in me by leading by example. How can I be reasonable about saving money but loosen up enough to spend money so I can enjoy the money I am accumulating? Does anyone else have this problem?

You just have some mistaken beliefs that are causing you stress.

You should answer some questions for yourself (that there is no right or wrong answer to):
- why are you saving money in the first place?
- what is the point of having money?
- what is the point of Christmas gifts?
- who in this world deserves a nice meal?

A major source of unhappiness in life is always comapring to the "it could have been better" scenarios.

For instance, did you know that in the Olympics, Bronze medal winners are usually happier than Silver medal winners? Although the Bronze medal finisher came in 3rd, he/she usually compares themselves to "it could have been worse" by saying things like "well at least I won a medal" or "at least I didn't do a little worse." But the Silver medal 2nd place finisher tends to say, "if only I had done a little bit better, I could have won Gold."

It seems like you're suffering from the same dilemma. You are saving early in life. You already have a proper EF. You don't have a large mortgage. You have the money to splurge on your children if you want to. You have enough that a $30 dinner won't hurt your financial picture.

But you compare those great wonderful things (Silver medals) to "I could have saved more", "I could have spent less", "I could be further along by now" - type thoughts that will only keep you unhappy. And given how well you're doing, these type of thoughts are just unrealistic. If you're doing that well, you may have already won Gold - but don't know it yet.

Give yourself some credit. Reward yourself for doing good so far. Focus on the substantial positive things you've got going for you.

This is an interesting book on the subject of happiness that I read a while back:
59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot - Google Books

But I'm with Jim - work on your thoughts for a while, but if it still troubles you, it may be worth talking to someone whose job is to help people overcome anxiety.

**Hector** · 12-15-2010, 09:12 AM

What are the guidelines on budgeting towards fun money? How do you guys do that? by %? by amount? how...?

**snshijuptr** · 12-15-2010, 10:55 AM

I have the same problem. At 25 with low income, I'm so worried about all the money I spend. Here is my method. I use a Needs/Wants/Savings budget. I don't bother with smaller categories. So I rounded down the amount of money we earn every month ($4600), and I allocate 50% to Needs, 30% to Savings, and 20% to Wants. I then track our spending all month and put everything in the proper category (Cash withdrawals go into Wants).

At the end of the month, we usually have a bit of money leftover from extra earnings, underspending, etc. From this money I put 75-85% toward our current goal and take 15-25% of it and put it into a "Frivolous Account" . This money CANNOT be spent on anything serious. It gets spent on gifts, vacations, concerts, fine wine, expensive dinners, or anytime our Wants allocation gets overspent. This has made me much more relaxed about spending money. I know it is there and waiting for me to spend it. We went on vacation last month, and I counted up our expenses and moved this money out of the Frivolous Account. The best part is our natural frugality meant there was money leftover for another vacation!

**cypher1** · 12-15-2010, 11:01 AM

Originally posted by jpg7n16 View Post

A major source of unhappiness in life is always comapring to the "it could have been better" scenarios.

For instance, did you know that in the Olympics, Bronze medal winners are usually happier than Silver medal winners? Although the Bronze medal finisher came in 3rd, he/she usually compares themselves to "it could have been worse" by saying things like "well at least I won a medal" or "at least I didn't do a little worse." But the Silver medal 2nd place finisher tends to say, "if only I had done a little bit better, I could have won Gold."

Very insightful example. I'm a pessimist by nature, always concerned with having a backup plan, while feel guilty wanting to buy "want" items. But I will ask myself at times, "whats the point of all this saving, if I can't enjoy the finer things in life?" Now that is open to one's priorities for enjoyment, but you see where I'm going with this. For unexpected expenses/repairs, I go into "it could always be worse" reasoning. For all of us spending so much time on this forum teaching each other to "pay yourself first", etc. that sometimes we forget to "Enjoy paying ourselves first" as long as it's within a reasonable limit of our budget. For some people its spending more on traveling, gambling, movies, clothing, etc. For me its cars, computers, home theater/house stuff

**MaxPowers** · 12-15-2010, 01:27 PM

I thought this thread was going to be about anxiety in saving money, not spending it.
Some people don't save money because they can't. They bought to much and now have to much debt to save.
Some people don't save because they want to "live for the moment". They think saving for retirement means going on a cruise when your 60, so they justify not doing it by saying they would rather buy a bunch of fun stuff now. They don't realize retirement is mostly for the ability to not have to work and still be able to maintain a livable life style for the rest of your days.

I have the same feelings when I go out with my friends that don't save, and therefore don't care where they eat or party. When the night is over I think about how much I spent, and am sometimes disappointed. But I had fun, and it is not like I am broke. I keep it reasonable but still buy things without beating myself up about it. I save money past what I contribute to my IRA and other savings because I don't want anything. But when something comes along that I want, I buy it. I love that ability to say I want it, so I am going to buy it. But I still save plenty of money. I feel blessed that I have the ability to fully fund all my savings, pay all my expenses, and still have plenty left over for more savings or spending money.

**krantcents** · 12-15-2010, 03:59 PM

You should focus on what you are saving for. A better retirement, vacation or major purchase. Saving can be a little like a strict diet, if you deny yourself everything you want to splurge. Remember enjoy the fruits of your labor.

**jIM_Ohio** · 12-15-2010, 04:09 PM

Originally posted by Hector View Post

What are the guidelines on budgeting towards fun money? How do you guys do that? by %? by amount? how...?

50% needs
30% wants
20% savings
and pay taxes out of the 50% number (all percents relative to gross income)

**maat55** · 12-15-2010, 04:14 PM

Relax, you will have more than you know what to do with, provided uncle sam does not rob you blind.

**Seeker** · 12-15-2010, 05:39 PM

Originally posted by Redraidernurse View Post

Background: I am 25 years old, married, with fully loaded Roth IRAs, 401k, fully loaded emergency fund, 529, and only a 70k mortgage (15 yr note at 4.8%). We contribute over 15% income to retirement. My husband and I both have decent jobs with health insurance and one child (and one on the way). Sounds great, right? Then why do I struggle to live a normal life?
I have terrible anxiety about saving money. I lay in bed at night stressing about about...Are we saving enough for retirement? College funds? Why did I spent $30 on gong out to dinner, I could have saved that?, etc, etc. When I go to the store to buy my child a single Christmas present my husband and I spend over an hour standing in the toy aisle of Walmart discussing which toy to buy, and end up walking out empty handed. Even though I don't live paycheck to paycheck, when I want to buy something I feel as if I need to pick up extra shifts at work to justify it.I feel like it is affecting my ability to ENJOY LIFE. My parents instilled smart money habits in me by leading by example. How can I be reasonable about saving money but loosen up enough to spend money so I can enjoy the money I am accumulating? Does anyone else have this problem?

The bolded part above suggests that you do not have a "plan"; even though you are your hubby are in "decent jobs" you guys have not really sat down and discussed finances... needs, wants, etc.

Draw up a budget for yourselves.

List your income, subtract your savings, subtract your expenses (utilities, groceries, insurance, auto gas/repair/registration, gym, etc), subtract your mortgage payments, and find out what's left over. Allocate some of this to each of you for "mad money" for each of you to spend as you wish without feeling anxiety.

Then "plan" for future needs: How old are your autos? Might they need replacement? Any repairs on the house coming up?

You have an emergency fund and say it's loaded, so you should not be worrying?

Did the worry suddenly start; maybe coinciding with the pregnancy? Or have you always felt this way?

Have you spoken with your husband about this? Does he know how you feel?

Which of you pays the bills? If it's your husband, then you need to involve yourself more so that you are comfortable with the reality of your finances.

If you've always felt financially anxious, then you need to discuss it with people who can help you. If your folks instructed you in finance by example, then it should not be conflicted or cause stress in you. So something else close to you (maybe a close friend in financial need)?

If the timing of your anxiety meshes with either pregnancy, then talk with your doctor.

**snafu** · 12-15-2010, 07:21 PM

Many people operate a Christmas a/c, depositing a set sum either in budget line or in real account to make it planned spending. DH & I each pay ourselves an 'allowance' to fritter/enjoy life. Perhaps you would benefit from more line items to manage your cash flow.

**cschin4** · 12-16-2010, 04:41 AM

You will NEVER save enough to guarantee your security and future. You can make plans and do all the right things to see everything wiped out in a day. Now, that might increase your anxiety but it should be freeing to know that some things are simply beyond your control, you can't control and therefore you only have today. If you don't enjoy today and tomorrow doesn't come what will you have accomplished? But, that doesn't advocate tossing caution to the wind either.
So, look at your budget and allow yourself some fun spending. And, enjoy. And, you want to enjoy your family, spouse, children and not have spent your life pinching pennies. I used to think some things were a "waste" of money but then learned it is often those very things that matter. For instance, many people complain about having to spend to attend a wedding, etc but really, the events and celebrating the lives of others is what really matters. Yes, you need money to retire, etc. But, there will always be uncertainty. The govt could seize your assets any time they want to, invent new forms of taxation and on and on. There simply is no real security.

Young People Having Anxiety About Saving