Losing Money Because I Don't Like Conflict

[alternateme]

I have a problem. I don't like conflict and I do almost anything I can to avoid it. This is an issue when I am shopping. If something goes wrong, I have a difficult time standing up for myself to get what i need. If the conflict starts to arise, I just don't have the energy and will to argue about it even if i know I am right.

The problem is that it ends up costing me a lot of money because I am not willing to argue until i get my way. I don't know if there is a solution to this and I'm wondering if I am the only person that has this problem?

[PrincessPerky]

Depending on what you are shopping for you might just be able to put it down and walk away. Come back another time for the item, somewhere else, most of the time you wont have the same trouble twice.

If you can't walk away then you need to work on kind assertiveness. Not that it is easy, but take little steps and be proud of yourself when you do anything to stand up for yourself.

[tulog]

In that case, you can phrase your concern in a non-conflictual way.

For example, instead of "you charged me too much" you could say:
"I'm wondering if this amount is correct? Can you please verify this amount? I believe x amount was posted."


Or, if a product does not meet your requirement. Instead of saying "this is wrong..." you could say:
"I am wondering if this product is the correct one, can you verify that it meets x, y, and z requirements."

This should not create a feeling of conflict. You can be polite and still demand the world.

[jaine]

I'm curious what you are buying that causes a conflict?

It's definitely possible to stand up for yourself without being accusational of the other person; you might want to google Non-Violent Communication or NVC ... it's easy to learn and useful in situations where tensions are high.

[alternateme]

I have been looking to buy a car and the negotiations are causing conflicts. Some of the sales people are just downright pushy and I was hoping that it would be a pleasant experience. It gets so confusing trying to figure out what price is "real" and it seems like when I try to ask questions, the sale staff gets pushy and just wants me to sign without me understanding where te numbers are coming from.

[bryanghk]

Well I usually have a hard time argueing as well and would leave a place just to keep my peace of mind intact even if I know I am right. But if you are losing money in the process, then it is time you put your foot down and at least stand up when you know 100% you are right. You can't afford to keep losing money over other people's attitude.

[jaine]

Yeah, car salespeople are very pushy.

How about a car-buying concierge? Outsource the conflict! There's one called Authority Auto ... I used them in the past. I wouldn't recommend their flat-fee service (I felt like I didn't get my money's worth with that) but their "beat the best price" service might be worth a try. You give them a written copy of the best offer you've been able to negotiate, and they negotiate with the dealer to try to beat it. Their fee is a percent of the amount of money they save you (up to a certain cap). I didn't like the flat-fee service because depending on the car sometimes there isn't much room for negotiation. But it was nice to just show up at the dealer with a written and signed offer already taken care of, and just pick up the car with no hassle.

[nmboone]

I would suggest research, research, research. Understand how car dealers work, how the prices are done and about invoice price. Also when to walk away. Knowledge is the ultimate power. I learned this when I bought my car 3 years ago. I had no idea how to negotiate with dealers before then. I've had car dealers look at me REALLY weird while discussing car prices. I helped my sister negotiate a much better deal with her car just yesterday. And remember it NEVER hurts to ask.

[snafu]

Research is the key. Commission salesmen need you more than you realize. Once you've test-driven and decided on the make and model you want, find all the dealers within a reasonable radius that sell what you want. Do your research online and find out the invoice price, the price of all add-ons, the incentives to dealer, etc. Then fax all the dealers a letter that states exactly what you want to buy, and ask for their best "on-the-road" price, including taxes, destination fees, license, etc. Make sure to only put a fax number on the letter for the dealers to reply to, so you don't have to talk to anyone yet. I faxed 23 dealers and got 21 responses within 24 hours.

Call the top five lowest priced dealers and ask questions. Do you have the car I want in stock? Does the price they quoted include everything? Are there any hidden charges? (Remember,now you have price quotes in writing, so they can't change their prices). After assuring yourself that the dealership really has the car that you want, go to the second lowest priced dealer, show them the price quote from the first lowest priced dealer, and ask if they can beat it. In my case, they couldn't, so I went to the lowest priced dealer, negotiated our trade-in, and bought the car. I really felt like I had gotten the best possible deal. Finally, no-hassle new car.

When you know what you want, the features you need and will use, you can go on-line and ask dealerships to bid for your sale.

[jaine]

Research is the key. Commission salesmen need you more than you realize. Once you've test-driven and decided on the make and model you want, find all the dealers within a reasonable radius that sell what you want. Do your research online and find out the invoice price, the price of all add-ons, the incentives to dealer, etc. Then fax all the dealers a letter that states exactly what you want to buy, and ask for their best "on-the-road" price, including taxes, destination fees, license, etc. Make sure to only put a fax number on the letter for the dealers to reply to, so you don't have to talk to anyone yet. I faxed 23 dealers and got 21 responses within 24 hours.

Call the top five lowest priced dealers and ask questions. Do you have the car I want in stock? Does the price they quoted include everything? Are there any hidden charges? (Remember,now you have price quotes in writing, so they can't change their prices). After assuring yourself that the dealership really has the car that you want, go to the second lowest priced dealer, show them the price quote from the first lowest priced dealer, and ask if they can beat it. In my case, they couldn't, so I went to the lowest priced dealer, negotiated our trade-in, and bought the car. I really felt like I had gotten the best possible deal. Finally, no-hassle new car.

When you know what you want, the features you need and will use, you can go on-line and ask dealerships to bid for your sale.

Very efficient ... minimizing salesperson contact! I think I'll try this next time a buy a car.

[snafu]

This might help. New car shoppers -- 5 keys to driving away with a good deal

[tulog]

The easiest way to buy a car with the best price is to email the fleet manager of the dealership.

Better yet, email several fleet managers at several different dealerships. Ask them for a bottom line quote for the specific car you want. Specify everything you need year, make, model, transmission, color, and options. Compare the quotes you get back, then pick the best one and make an appointment with the fleet manager - go buy the car with quote in hand from the fleet manager. Avoid talking to a saleman entirely.