Co-Mingling Incomes

[EEinNJ]

A touchy subject for many, myself included. This is an area my DW and I can't seem to get it together. Though she seems to be learning slowly, she's a spender and for a long time would spend every dollar she could get her hands on. Tried having a joint account, but it kept going down to zero. Now I just pay most of the bills from my own account. She's responsible for her own personal expenses, cell phone, and school loan.

[cschin4]

I am with Disneysteve on this one. It really never occurred to us not to comingle our finances. We are comingling our lives. We are not "our own person". We are to the extent that we are ourselves but also responsible to consider the needs and wants of one another. Our money is our money. Neither one of us is more entitled to spend than the other no matter who earned what. It all goes into the same pot for our retirement, our future and our children. I earn more income than my spouse, however, he has the job which provides the benefits. I really have no idea how anyone would decide what % of the bills belong to one versus the other. I think the very concept of joining together is to join everything together. And, yes, you could get "taken". Well, that is life. We all can taken but I would rather just live my life and if I get taken, so be it.
However, I can understand that keeping separate finances works better for some. If one spouse is a big spender or not good with money, that may be a very good idea. Or, if you are well established prior to marriage, etc.

[disneysteve]

However, I can understand that keeping separate finances works better for some. If one spouse is a big spender or not good with money, that may be a very good idea.

This is where I see a problem. We read posts all the time from someone who is having trouble with a spouse who can't handle money. My question is why did you marry that person? I would never have married my wife if she was a big spender, high maintenance type of woman. If she was one to get her hair and nails done every week, wear designer clothes and collect shoes and handbags, I would have stayed far away. I wouldn't have married someone who I couldn't trust with money and who didn't share common goals with me. I think a big reason that so many couples fight over money is because they hook up with people with whom they are incompatible. It doesn't take more than one or two dates to know how people think about money and spending. If you see that someone is not of the same mindset as you, move on. You'll avoid a lot of headaches down the road.

[asmom]

So for the past year, we have only a joint account that I control. He's happier because he was never really good with the finances and I am happier because there is no more nasty surprises.

That reminds me of a former co-worker of mine. She slipped and revealed that her husband controls all of the money and gives her an allowance. This came about because she was terrible with money and frequently bounced checks, forgot to pay bills, didn't save for retirement, etc. They mutually agreed that he should control the money. In her own words, she was much happier this way because she was frustrated by trying to manage her finances and she trusted her husband (they have been married for 35+ years. Plus they are now financially comfortable. Other co-workers were aghast; how can you hand over control of your paycheck to a man, etc.

I say if it works for you, then go for it. If both parties' needs are being met and you both agree to it, then separate or joint, it doesn't matter. By the way, my hubby and I are separate all the way.